A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband had a 3 year affair with his niece who was 15 when it started. He was 30. He says she initiated it and that he was to far in to get out, he said she threatened him with suicide if he left her. He was raped by family members as a young child..the affair is now in the open and it is over between them. I have been with him for 13 years and my heart tells me he will change. We have a child together. I am giving him another chance
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female
reader, single gal  +, writes (19 April 2010):
wether or not the niece seduced him is not an issue. he was the grown up and should have done the grown up thing. i m sorry that he was raped as a child and for that he needs serious councelling. you alone cannot help him. you have the safety of your child to think of. plus this man cheated on you, can you still really trust him.
giving him another chance is just increasing your heartbreak and putting your chil at risk.
i m not sure about the age of sexual consent is in your country, but here is 16 and he would have been in jail if he were here.
that child was too young to seduce him.
what he is saying is he can be seduced by his own kid. as his niece he is suppose to protect her, not be the one to violate.
i m sorry you need to get rid of him or get him help or both
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2010): i dont think people can change i live in england and when i was 14 i slept with my cousin who is 11 yrs older than me he is in prison at the moment for burglary and until yesterday were going strong but he dumped me because he is going mental and is doing to be put in a mental hospital i love him so much and just wish that he would change his mind i cant stand the thought of him being with someone else we were engaged and were going to try for a baby
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A
female
reader, patient66  +, writes (8 April 2010):
15 to 30 Sorry but this is wrong. If he is attracted to women this young this shows kind of a warning sign doesnt it. And it was his neice, to state the obverious but that means it was his sister or brother's child. That is wrong no matter where you are. To believe that she seduce him might be a bit neive.
Hope he changes but I dont think he will.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2010): I suppose that you have the right to take a chance on whether or not this man has changed. You don't have a right to gamble with your child's well being.
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A
female
reader, naughty girl  +, writes (30 March 2010):
Men who fancey children will always fancey children. There is nothing you can do about it. It is well known that a pedo can't be rehabilitated. The best you can do is to teach them that what they did was wrong and hope they resist the urge next time they are with a child.You need to be careful as it won't be long untill your own daughter is same age and will bring lots of girlfriends round to your house. Your playing with fire. Sorry.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (29 March 2010):
 Can people change? Yes. It's hard, and not common, but it can happen. As far as your husband goes, I think there is more that is needed then him simply deciding to change. Being raped or abused, especially by family members when you are younger is very traumatizing. It effects people in ways so deep it's almost impossible to understand fully. To be 30 and have a relationship with a 15 year old is proof enough. Your husband has some serious, deep rooted issues.
That is good you are taking him back and trying to work it out, but he REALLY needs some counseling. I think he's going to need more then just another chance.... he needs some help. And the first step is him WANTING help. If he feels he doesn't need help then be very careful in the future because it will happen again...
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A
female
reader, grandma164 +, writes (29 March 2010):
I feel so sorry 4 you your husband is a pedofile.He will never change.Studies have shown they can not change even with theapy.You have a child. You need to put that childs safety first before any feelings you have for him.Not to do so would be very selfish on your part and then for the sake of the child and his safety the child should be removed from your home if you let him stay.He should be in prsion and i hope someday the neice will decide to prosocute.and she can at any time.
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A
female
reader, Honest_Answers +, writes (29 March 2010):
 15 and 30?! In the UK this is sex with a minor and would result in the older one being put on the sex offenders register. I think your partner has some issues that need addressing through professional help. I am assuming he has spoken to a counsellor or therapist in association with the sex abuse he suffered as a child. If he hasn't this really needs to be looked at because sex abuse can change a persons relationship with sex, it can change the function of sex and muddle things in their brain.
It's such a difficult situation it's not so cut and dry to be able to say 'stay with him' or 'leave him'. Three years is a very long affair and if you feel you can't trust him and you're arguing a lot maybe you should consider leaving him. If you still get on and you trust him and feel you can put this behind you then stay with him and enjoy your life together as a family.
No one can make this decision for you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2010): Well good for you. I hope for your sake he is able to change x
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (29 March 2010):
 People can change if they want to. If they don't want to change,there is nothing you can do about that.
Some people are slow learners and may have to repeat a few more mistakes before they can change.
People who don't change are dead people. Those mentally dead will tell you that people will never change.
If you are a living and breathing thing, change is possible. Some are slow and some are fast and it is only a matter of time before they change.
You should not expect them to change 180 degrees in a few minutes. You got to give them time to change and adept to the new ways.
What you have done is commendable and praiseworthy.
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (29 March 2010):
 It's perfectly okay to give him another chance, and a bit admirable I must say. Will he change? Maybe. But to be safe, I wouldn't hire any cute 15-year old baby-sitters, or house-keepers or leave him alone with any other young women if you want him to stay on the straight and narrow. He has a weak character in my opinion and he will only remain faithful as long as you keep your eye on him, and the temptation somewhat away from him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2010): And your question is: will he change?
I don't think it's about him having to change. This is not a "bad habit" of his. This is about his morals, and him not having them. Can people who don't have them suddenly get them? I don't know.
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