A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey Everyone! Okay, i've been with my boyfriend for a year now and things have been great, but im scared my boyfriend is hiding things from me. He has a cell phone (as does every normal person) but he is SO secretive with it. Normally if a text comes through, he will check it within seconds, however if im sat relatively close to him or maybe behind him (any angle in which i would be able to read the text) and his phone goes off, he doesnt move. He leaves it in his pocket. But when i get up to go and do something, he takes it out of his pocket and starts to read it. Now i know everyone is entitled to their own privacy, but when you're in a relationship i think you should be free to use your phone around your partner (if you have nothing to hide). I can assure you that with past boyfriends and even him i am not the 'let me check your phone once a day' kind of girlfriend. But he's making me so paranoid with the way he's so secret with his phone, its driving me crazy!I can't tell you how many arguements we have had over this, and everytime he tells me that hes not texting anyone (wrongly) or seeing anyone else, and that i need to stop being so insecure. Each time i tell him that its the way he is and he says sorry and within minutes i have forgotten about it. But not a day goes by without him doing it. Sometimes i see the texts and sometimes they're from girls and they're provocative, but hes not. Later when we argue about it, sometimes he'll hand me his phone, but the texts i saw earlier have been deleted! And God forbid i pick up his phone, he jumps and is like 'what are u doing?'. I love my boyfriend more than anything, but this whole deal is ruining our relationship. Am i paranoid? Or am i right to feel concerned?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (24 March 2010):
 Cheating or talking to somebody he shouldn't is a possibility, but it's not the ONLY possibility. Sometimes guys will do that if they're embarrassed and don't want their girlfriend to see. Meaning: guys will act a certain way around other guys, making jokes or just saying things that they only say around eachother. We know that it really isn't stuff we want to be saying around our significant others because A) it's not our real personality or B) we just don' want you seeing that side of us.
So basically, your boyfriend doesn't want you to see what he's typing, but that doesn't mean it's another girl texting him. It may just be stupid guy talk that may portray him in a different way then he wants to be portrayed.
Bottom line: Be concerned, but not paranoid. Eventually, the longer you are in a relationship, the more trustworthy he will have to be. He's going to have to open up sooner or later if he wants you to trust him fully. If it's a year from now and he's still doing the same thing without any explanation, you might want to re-consider your relationship.
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