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... Send *immD a private message | | | *immD's profile:Any advice I give should not be taken personally. I'm not here to judge you, so you can be sure any advice I give is strictly objective. What you choose to do with my advice is completely up to you, though you can be sure the advice I am giving you is what I feel is best for you.
Please keep an open mind when asking for advice. It seems that many people aren't really looking for advice, they are just looking for justification to do what they already have in their mind to do. This site is about gaining an unbiased perspective on things. Please don't ask a question if you've already made your mind up on what to do.
Some things to remember:
- The "pullout" method is NOT a method of birth control. This is just something people do to rationalize their thoughts that sex without a condom feels better than it does with a condom. Even though a man doesn't climax, he still secretes fluid the entire time that has the potential to make you pregnant. Don't be a fool, if you are old enough and mature enough to have sex.... use birth control.
- There is no excuse for "revenge" sex. If your partner cheats on you, immediately going out to sleep with someone else as revenge doesn't make it right.... it makes things way worse. Relationships aren't about keeping score. If you believe they are, then you shouldn't be in one.
- Relationships rarely end easily. Especially long term relationships. It is very common for one partner to breakup with the other and then continue to text them or call them. Many times sex can start again as well. Unfortunately, there was a reason you two broke up in the first place and odds are a cycle with start to where you start to spend more time together and eventually feel like you ARE together... only to break up again. So before you post those "He broke up with me but he still texts me!" questions, remember this.
- There are about 50 million posts here regarding porn. Please do a search prior to posting questions like "My boyfriend watches porn, what should I do?". This is a touchy subject here but my opinion on porn is that it's not a big deal - as long as it's not an addiction. To MOST men, watching porn is strictly a tool for masturbating. Those women are not the type men want to have relationships with. Ask and most men will tell you that as soon as they "do their deed" they shut it off. It's not like they watch it for any other purpose. From my experience, the women that have issues with porn have issues with their own self confidence and they are insecure. There are many women out there that are confident that they satisfy their men sexually and feel that their husband watching porn is harmless. However, don't get me wrong, there are times when a man is addicted to porn and will choose porn OVER sex with their partner. This is where porn is unhealthy. My point in all of this is if you are in what you consider to be a "perfect" relationship with a great guy who does anything and everything for you, there is no need to penalize him if he watches porn. If you STILL have a problem with it, try watching it with him. Make it a sexual experience for the both of you. Or, record yourself with him. You'd be surprised what that does for a relationship. |
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| Latest articles: What you need to know about Online Dating
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 August 2010: First, let me start off by saying that online dating is not a bad thing. In todays age of technology and the internet, I think online dating is just as good if not better than simply meeting someone at a bar, pub or nightclub. When you meet ...
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2 men and I don't know what to do!
Q. Okay, I honestly dont know where to start.... well lets just jump in I have a 2 month old lil boy with a man i have been with for 3 years but for the past month i have been havin a emotional affair i have not slept with this new man but i have ...
A. 6 May 2010: Glad to hear things are going in a better direction for you. Keep us updated on everything and good luck. :-)... (read in full...)
We have a child together but she says we can't have a relationship until I'm 'saved'
Q. Hi I'm confused in my relationship and not sure were it is going. My girlfriend and I met about 18months ago, she had three children to her previous partner, and we now have a child of our own, which I'm real happy for. We love other a lot ...
A. 1 May 2010: Well, I'm going to state the obvious here and say that if she was truly "saved" all of this time she wouldn't have a child with you without being married. She's being very hypocritacle, the question is.... what caused this sudden change? Pressure ... (read in full...)
2 men and I don't know what to do!
Q. Okay, I honestly dont know where to start.... well lets just jump in I have a 2 month old lil boy with a man i have been with for 3 years but for the past month i have been havin a emotional affair i have not slept with this new man but i have ...
A. 29 April 2010: Well, you can just try being honest with David. I know it's easier said than done, but sitting down with him and letting him know what you are feeling may be the best way to go. Let him know that the stuff he says about your wait REALLY upsets ... (read in full...)
I want to keep in touch with him, but I don't know if I should! Things were fine until his ex spoke up!
Q. hi i really need some brutal advice here!!! i met this guy in a pub, he works there, he gave me his number but he said that he is texting his ex but he would like to go for a drink with me at some point (and no he is not a player, a few of my frie...
A. 28 April 2010: Do not keep in touch. You don't need someone who tells you he'll go out with you but only if his first choice doesn't work out. He's obviously not over his "ex" yet and she will do anything she can do make sure you or any other girl don't go out ... (read in full...)
What do I do now that me and my ex are talking again?
Q. Ok i really need some help here, me and my ex have been broken up since Oct. 09 its a lot more complicated then just breaking up but i'll get to the main point. We just recently after 6 months of not talking or seeing eachother have started at...
A. 28 April 2010: Well then he still has feelings for you. Saying "You're better off without me" or "I always hurt you anyway" is his way of trying to seem like he's doing this for you. He wants you to think he's willing to live with hurt feelings for you.
He's ... (read in full...)
Is this too much to overcome?
Q. Ok, I'll apologize in advance for the length that I'm assuming this post will be, but I've got a complex situation that I'm hoping to get some input on. Here it goes... I have a crush on a very close friend, but I have convinced myself that the ...
A. 28 April 2010: The best person to answer this question is you, my friend. Deep down a guy in your position should have an idea on how she would take you confessing your feelings. AND, if you've had this crush the entire time knowing her, there is a good chance ... (read in full...)
So if I love him, do I try and get him back? Or is this just a phase?
Q. So here's my story. I started dating this guy my senior year of high school. Then we went to two different colleges and continued a long distance relationship for another 2 1/2 years. The distance sucked, but we loved each other and wanted to make ...
A. 28 April 2010: I mentioned it in previous posts, but the only way long distance relationships can work is if it stops being long distance. It's just logical. Two people being apart cannot realistically make a relationship work. Sure, there are exceptions: ... (read in full...)
How likely is it that the sperm live? And when do I test for pregnancy?
Q. Right so, I need some advice. First of all I want you to know that I'm actually 17 and still have a year left in school. Recently I had sex with one of my best guy friends who I have been in love with for about a year. He has told me not to tell a...
A. 28 April 2010: You can get pregnant practically anytime. You should always use a condom to prevent pregnancy or STD's. Simply trying to count the days you may or may not be ovulating is not a realistic form of birth control.
A home pregnancy test will be the b... (read in full...)
2 men and I don't know what to do!
Q. Okay, I honestly dont know where to start.... well lets just jump in I have a 2 month old lil boy with a man i have been with for 3 years but for the past month i have been havin a emotional affair i have not slept with this new man but i have ...
A. 28 April 2010: So you'd rather be with David and be unhappy? I'm sure is a great environment for you child to grow up in. He left you 2 days before your wedding, do you think he is capable of doing that again?
If you stay with David then you need to break it... (read in full...)
What do I do now that me and my ex are talking again?
Q. Ok i really need some help here, me and my ex have been broken up since Oct. 09 its a lot more complicated then just breaking up but i'll get to the main point. We just recently after 6 months of not talking or seeing eachother have started at...
A. 28 April 2010: Sometimes relationships with ex's don't work out. If it were up to you would you just like to be friends with him or is there a chance you could ever get back together?
It sounds to me that he isn't taking things so well, and any talk about yo... (read in full...)
We have a child together but she says we can't have a relationship until I'm 'saved'
Q. Hi I'm confused in my relationship and not sure were it is going. My girlfriend and I met about 18months ago, she had three children to her previous partner, and we now have a child of our own, which I'm real happy for. We love other a lot ...
A. 28 April 2010: If she became "saved" before you had this child together, then she's being a hypocrite and has no right to make you do this.
If she became "saved" after, which I presume is the case along with raiders, then this gets more complicated. Her reli... (read in full...)
I want to hook up with my long-distance friend, but we're both in relationships!
Q. So i have a boyfriend... but i am in love with another guy who lives across the country from me who also has a girlfriend. Well i am heading to where he lives to see my family and him. He is one of my best friends in the whole world. And i was ...
A. 28 April 2010: First, let me tell you how to make a long distance relationship work. There is only one solution, but it's guaranteed: One of you will have to move to the other. Long distance relationships can only work if they STOP being long distance. Now, ... (read in full...)
Been in this relationship for six years and have a yen for a no-strings fling
Q. I think about having sex with another man but ive been in a relationship for almost 6 years is that normal? Its not like I don't love my Husband I just want to feel new dick with no strings....
A. 28 April 2010: How would you feel if your husband wanted to have sex with another woman?
If you wouldn't like it or feel jealous, then you'd be a hypocrite and probably shouldn't be married.
If you'd be ok with your husband wanting that, then you could consid... (read in full...)
Are his actions justified by my cheating?
Q. Hi, so ive been seeing this guy for a few months now and about a month ago i cheated on him with my ex. i felt so bad afterwards and expected it to be over but he didnt leave me. hes 19 and im 16 btw. then.... last weekend i did it again. i ...
A. 28 April 2010: In keeping with marieclaire's line of thinking, I think you should lock yourself in the basement with a box of Cheerios. You shouldn't be with him because he's nuts, but you shouldn't be with anybody yourself since the fact that you cheated at ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend wants me to get rid of all my pictures and letters from my former girlfriend who died in my arms, is she in the wrong here?
Q. I have been dating a young woman for a few months. She is very sweet and I care very much for her. She came over to my apartment when I wasn't home yesterday and my room mate let her in. She went into my room and found an old year book I had ...
A. 28 April 2010: She is wrong... BUT:
Are you truly over the incident? It's understandable if you are not, and it is ok. However, you have to be honest with yourself whether or not you are truly over this girl and what happened.
Keeping the picture and lett... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants to bring a third!
Q. Hello again!This is my second article. Well I am with a guy for about a month and im having a great time, when my daughter lets us alone of course. There is always fantasy when we have sex and he seems to want me alot too. Last time he too...
A. 28 April 2010: If you don't want to do it, then just tell him. Don't let him pressure you into something you don't want to do. But if you're somewhat open to it, then make sure he knows to take it slow.... (read in full...)
Why do I have these wet dreams?
Q. I have wet dreams about girls I wouldn't actually date. I tend to date exotic girls yet all my wet dreams have been on girls who aren't exotic to me. Why am I having wet dreams about girls I care about and am close to but don't actually want...
A. 27 April 2010: When it comes to dreams, I've said here in the past that I'm not one to take dreams very seriously. I think 9 times out of 10 dreams have no hidden meaning. Wet dreams are our (men's) brain's way of releasing some sexual tension. If you aren't ... (read in full...)
Does she really want to get to know me?
Q. Hello. Ok, here goes my question, which probably has been exhausted here on numerous occasions. - Met a girl at the doctor's office. Left my name and digits with her over the phone. She said she would think about it. She contacted me a f...
A. 27 April 2010: She sounds a little nuts in my opinion. You don't need those types of games. Considering this is already happening this early in the relationship, most likely this would keep happening.
Let it go and move on.... (read in full...)
His 3rd date rule is too fast for me.
Q. I recently got out of a relationship about a month ago. I started seeing someone new who I have amazing chemistry with. Problem is he's 27 and believes in the 3rd date rule, I told him no and I believe in having sex after I'm in a relationship with ...
A. 27 April 2010: There should NEVER be a time frame attached to when you have sex. The 3rd date rule is stupid and usually used by guys only looking for sex. Real men won't pressure a women no matter what.
Each relationship is different and some people take lon... (read in full...)
How do I get his old feelings back?
Q. Dear cupid, So i was feeling disconnected and unappreciated by my bf. Attempted to talk to him about it but he was convinced I was "overreacting" ..one thing led to another, I ended up hanging out with one of his on again off again acquaint...
A. 27 April 2010: This is not a good situation. What you did by cheating was wrong, but i'm sure you already have found that out so I'm not going to beat you up about it anymore. To answer your question: It doesn't look good for you in getting his old feelings ... (read in full...)
His kinkiness is freaking me out a little!
Q. I met a man through a friend. We have not met yet. We have been trying to get to know oneanother though emails and text for several months. I am very attracted to him probably because opposites attract. i am on the conservative side with a little ...
A. 27 April 2010: Don't email him back. Kinkiness is one thing, but if he's being a child about the entire thing then he's not someone you want to have a relationship with either.
Being kinky should just be a private "extra". There are other qualities needed f... (read in full...)
We were fake dating, but do you think he is really interested?
Q. First of all, I've never had a bf until now. I have fallen for 2 guys in the past- they both lead me on, even kissed me.. but never asked me out. So, I met this guy, (Bob?) . We met through mutual friends about 4 months ago (I was kinda seeing a ...
A. 26 April 2010: I would base your opinion on him by his actions towards you. If he treats you well and you get along well, then great. Your friend might just be jealous for some reason.... (read in full...)
How do I erase the lie I told him
Q. I've done something I'm not very proud of, I have been seeing this guy for a while and I really really like him but when it comes to us getting close I always sort of keep my distance and it's only because I don't have much experience and he can ...
A. 26 April 2010: Well, if you really like this guy and you think it could lead to something serious (or even marriage) then you have to tell him the truth. And the sooner you tell him the better.
My suggestion would be to be completely honest with him. Tell him... (read in full...)
Do I worry about her or continue to trust my boyfriend?
Q. Dear readers I am in a new realtionship with a Man for 4 months now. He have a female friend whom he's very closed to and so does she to him. It makes me quite uncomfortable-- especially that i can see how excited and proud he is of her-- I notic...
A. 26 April 2010: I wouldn't just end it. You have every reason to be upset given the situation with this other girl. I would talk to him... about everything. Let him know just how hurt you are and that you are seriously questioning your relationship. His ... (read in full...)
Inexperienced and come too quick.. is this a problem?
Q. I'm 17 and have only just got my first proper girlfriend, and until recently, sorry to be crude, have never been jerked off by a girl before. So my girlfriend has jerked me off three times, and after rubbing my penis either over my underwear, or...
A. 26 April 2010: This is absolutely common for somebody in your position. All guys go through this. It has nothing to do with your muscles in your penis like peeing, it's all psychological. You're just really turned on by your girlfriend and what she is doing to ... (read in full...)
Did I say the wrong thing?
Q. In my previous post I talked about how disasterous my first conversation with my ex was after being in no contact for over 3 weeks even thought it's been a month and a half since the breakup and 4 weeks since the NC period since I had put her off ...
A. 26 April 2010: What you told her was the truth. It was the logical explanation and was 100% right.
Unfortunately, that's not what she wanted to hear. Sometimes girls don't need the truth, the want to see how much you want them, miss them, and need them.
... (read in full...)
2 men and I don't know what to do!
Q. Okay, I honestly dont know where to start.... well lets just jump in I have a 2 month old lil boy with a man i have been with for 3 years but for the past month i have been havin a emotional affair i have not slept with this new man but i have ...
A. 26 April 2010: Leave David. Staying with somebody who doesn't make you happy isn't good for you or your child. You don't need to be put down and have your appearance criticized. Especially from somebody who left you at least once already.
Leave him. Be with ... (read in full...)
Partner says he'll give me more sex if I dye my hair!!!
Q. My partner says if I dye my hair blonde, he will give me more sex but I don't want to dye my hair. He watches a fair amount of porn by the way, which I think interferes with our sex life already. But should I leave him or adapt?...
A. 26 April 2010: He clearly finds other women more desirable then you. He's even told you that if you looked differently he would like you and desire you more.
Do you not like yourself or respect yourself enough to put up with that from him?... (read in full...)
Is there a chance we'll be okay again?
Q. Hi. I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. I had to move away, a few months ago, and things were still okay between us, this time last year he had asked me to marry him, I'm 17, he's 20 I know it's young but anyway. We've been ver...
A. 26 April 2010: There's something he's not telling you. It could be another girl, it could be personal problems, it could be anything. Until he tells you EVERYTHING that is going on you two will not be fine.
A long lasting relationship needs honesty. Without ... (read in full...)
I can't feel love. What should I do?
Q. I can't feel love. What should I do? My parents didn't love each other. I am the product of physical affinity and emotional malice. I remember when I was one years old, my parents got into an argument and my mom got a knife out and held it my f...
A. 26 April 2010: Given the past experiences you listed, I'd have to say you should really be seeking professional help. Most of us here are not certified professionals and can speak mostly from experience. But again, somebody such as yourself deserves more face to ... (read in full...)
Confused on whether I made a mistake
Q. I have been with my bf for 2 in a half yrs.. When I found out that he had cheated.. I confronted him and he had said yes he did.. I ask him why he didn't tell me and he said beacuse he knew I was going to leave him... Then he told me he knew he had ...
A. 26 April 2010: Your boyfriend is a cheater. He admits it. He did it twice, so he's going to do it again. DEFINITELY.
Are you ok with your boyfriend being a cheater?
Are you ok with your boyfriend not respecting you?
Are you ok with your boyfriend want... (read in full...)
Should I kiss him?
Q. Hi, I have what may seem like a weird question. There's this guy I've really liked for three years now, and he likes me back, and we've known that and hung out for a year, but I'm not technically allowed to "date" . . . but we pretty much have a ...
A. 26 April 2010: There's nothing wrong with light kissing. Just don't feel pressured to take it any further. Holding hands, hugging, and kissing is ok for a relationship with a boy you've known for 3 years.... (read in full...)
His kinkiness is freaking me out a little!
Q. I met a man through a friend. We have not met yet. We have been trying to get to know oneanother though emails and text for several months. I am very attracted to him probably because opposites attract. i am on the conservative side with a little ...
A. 26 April 2010: Yes, he has a couple of fetishes, but all men do. Women as well. Some are a little more extreme then others, but as long as they don't involve children or farm animals I really wouldn't be worried if I were you. Some men like to dominate, some ... (read in full...)
After almost 3 years he says he likes me alot but doesn't love me "YET"???!!
Q. Ok so I have a question. I am 21 years old and he is 24 I have been with this guy for almost 3 years. I would think he loves me but when I ask him he always says he is not in love with me. He always says he really likes me a lot but he does not...
A. 26 April 2010: How is he handling the breakup? If the breakup didn't really bother him that much and doesn't mind losing you... then he doesn't love you. If the breakup really effected him and he's finding out that he can't live without you... then he does love ... (read in full...)
Is it normal for me not to go ahead and sleep with other women when she says it's ok?
Q. I don't know what to make of this. I have only had sex with one woman. She and I are together and we plan on getting married. Although we haven't set a date we are serious. She has had sex with seven other guys before. She keeps telling me ...
A. 26 April 2010: It all comes down to trust. You have to stress to her that she needs to just trust you. Unfortunately, being "curious" isn't a good excuse by her mother... cheating is cheating. No matter what the reason, the decision was made to be unfaithful. ... (read in full...)
How can I catch my wife out?
Q. i am in uk. my wife living in her mothers home in india along with her brother. i am suspecting she is doing sex with her own brother while i am doing phonesex with her. how can i caught her please help me....
A. 26 April 2010: Tisha's advice is the best. You need to see what her brother is doing at that exact moment.
However, you really need to be sure before you start making accusations. What things has she done to make you think she is doing this?... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend who is says he is?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a few months and we're pretty serious...We talk everyday and about everything...He is my first real adult relationship and I've fallen in love with him. The problem is that is older than me (I'm 24), my family ...
A. 23 April 2010: I would trust his driver's license before I would trust the internet. Either his license or a passport, just something official with his birthdate on there is enough.
I would think he'd be willing to show you his license just to put your mind at ... (read in full...)
Our sex life is one sided!
Q. I'm in a relationship of 1 year now I'm 25 and he's 28 we love having sex we have a problem with our sex life he likes when I give him oral sex but when I try to get him to give me oral sex he won't do it and its just not fair and I have stopped ...
A. 23 April 2010: Yes, dump him. Your relationship should be equal and he is not treating you with respect. He is just looking out for himself.... (read in full...)
Will I look back and regret sleeping with a 46 year old man?
Q. Hi, thanks for your time, I'm 17 and the guy I'm having casual sex with is man who is 46, with the benifit of hindsight will I look back and think what he is doing is wrong? It's just a pattern I've noticed throught life, as I get older I look bac...
A. 23 April 2010: CindyCares, you deserve a high five for that response. Bravo! lol... (read in full...)
I dreamt I had a penis and had sex with a woman! Why does this all mean?
Q. This is a really personal dream. I mean – I feel weird about being open about this but I really want to know what it meant… Before I begin, anyone reading this should understand that I’m female in real life. I’m heterosexual. And yes, I've had a ...
A. 23 April 2010: I'm one of those people who believe sometimes a dream is just a dream. If you're confident that you are heterosexual and enjoy sex with men, then ignore it.
I don't buy into all of that belief that dreams are symbolic to hidden things in life. J... (read in full...)
A girl with bad luck! A tale about two brothers...
Q. I really need help... and God knows I cant talk to anyone about it. Pleas help me :( I started out going out with this guy for 8 years things I was little and things were too cute and too good to be true. I lived in the U.S all my life. and he was...
A. 23 April 2010: From what you've told us, I don't see a life with either brother being happy and stabile for you. Take Sarah's advice and stay clear of both of them.... (read in full...)
Escaping the friend zone?
Q. So I've been friends with this girl for about 5 months now. We hang out like every other week and text for like a few days at a time during random weeks. When i first started talking to her i told her i liked her and she told me she didnt want to ...
A. 23 April 2010: Not much. All you can do is just be extra nice and caring to her. Be her best friend and with a little luck eventually she'll see that you're good guy, good friend, and life without you would be worse.... (read in full...)
I want to have her back, I know we are meant to be together!
Q. OK, My ex gf and I broke up 4 mo. ago. We got in contact about two weeks ago, started talking, then she wanted to hang out. We did, everything went great. I had tried to get her back in the past to no avail, and after a few days got ...
A. 23 April 2010: It sounds like you're going to have to talk more with your actions then words. Trying to convince her through conversation or promising stuff is not what she wants to hear. SHOW her that you're putting her first. Show her that she is your friend. ... (read in full...)
Will I look back and regret sleeping with a 46 year old man?
Q. Hi, thanks for your time, I'm 17 and the guy I'm having casual sex with is man who is 46, with the benifit of hindsight will I look back and think what he is doing is wrong? It's just a pattern I've noticed throught life, as I get older I look bac...
A. 23 April 2010: As already brought up, a normal 47 year old should find sex with a 17 year old girl weird. Especially if he's had children himself.
You are being used for sex by a MUCH older man. Will you regret it? Maybe. But there's also a good chance t... (read in full...)
Partner says he'll give me more sex if I dye my hair!!!
Q. My partner says if I dye my hair blonde, he will give me more sex but I don't want to dye my hair. He watches a fair amount of porn by the way, which I think interferes with our sex life already. But should I leave him or adapt?...
A. 23 April 2010: He's telling you he'd rather have sex with somebody else. A blonde specifically. Leave him, you don't want somebody like that. Or, you can tell him you'll start pretending to be a blonde if he'll start pretending he's not a selfish a*#hole.
... (read in full...)
Do I worry about her or continue to trust my boyfriend?
Q. Dear readers I am in a new realtionship with a Man for 4 months now. He have a female friend whom he's very closed to and so does she to him. It makes me quite uncomfortable-- especially that i can see how excited and proud he is of her-- I notic...
A. 22 April 2010: I would look at your relationship with him minus her first - how he treats you, how much affection he shows you. You're in the early stages of a relationship and those months are usually the most romantic and lustful. Is he lacking anything when ... (read in full...)
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