A
male
age
41-50,
*TFAmIDoing?
writes:Internally I'm going crazy! I've been holding this stuff inside for nearly 4 years without sharing it with anyone, and it is eating me up inside. I'm married, and I'm having an affair with a woman I met several years ago. We met innocently enough and seemed to click immediately. Since then, I've spent an inordinate amount of time with her and we seem to connect on so many different levels. I'm able to talk with her and laugh with her and do things with her that genuinely make me happy. I fell in love with her a long, long time ago. Of course, the problem is she's not my wife. I met my wife (friend at the time) in January 2000 and by April 2000 she was pregnant. I eventually married her because I really liked her but I can't honestly say I was in love with her. I wanted to be a good father to my newborn son, which was something I didn't have as a young boy, and I wanted him to grow up in a house with a father, which again wasn't what I did as a young boy. My wife and I get along just fine and we have fun but it's not the same as the other young lady I met. The conversations I have with my wife are totally different although not "bad" by any stretch of the imagination. My wife and I just don't appear to be in the same ballpark at times while the other young lady and I always seem to be in synch. The young woman with whom I am having an affair wants a family and is preparing to walk away, which I should be happy about, but I feel I'll be miserable without her in my life. I'm really, really confused and I don't know what the heck I'm doing! I know what the "right" thing is to do, but I need advice on what the best thing is to do. I feel crappy and horrible about all of this mess, but I don't know how to set things straight so I'm happy. Any advice?
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male
reader, lerokiya  +, writes (29 March 2010):
the thing is, your wife has probably seen your warts and unwashed laundry thru the years,whereas your lover has only seen you on your best behavior, so far. it's unfair to your wife that she shoulder the burden of being a wife and mother, while your lover gets the teenage lust feelings. sorry, it's just my opinion.
A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (25 March 2010):
 The "Right" Thing To Do:
1. If you don't truly love your wife, then staying with her and your son just for the sake of doing so while loving another woman is NOT the right thing to do.
2. If your mistress is ok with focusing on a family life without you, then leaving your wife for her is NOT the right thing to do.
If you both were 100% in love and you couldn't see life without eachother, then I'd say you just step up and be honest with your wife. Be a man instead of just going behind her back. Sure, her heart breaks... but at least your being honest with her and she deserves that.
But if you're considering leaving your wife just so this other woman doesn't find someone else.... then you need to reconsider all of your relationships.
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