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... Send *immD a private message | | | *immD's profile:Any advice I give should not be taken personally. I'm not here to judge you, so you can be sure any advice I give is strictly objective. What you choose to do with my advice is completely up to you, though you can be sure the advice I am giving you is what I feel is best for you.
Please keep an open mind when asking for advice. It seems that many people aren't really looking for advice, they are just looking for justification to do what they already have in their mind to do. This site is about gaining an unbiased perspective on things. Please don't ask a question if you've already made your mind up on what to do.
Some things to remember:
- The "pullout" method is NOT a method of birth control. This is just something people do to rationalize their thoughts that sex without a condom feels better than it does with a condom. Even though a man doesn't climax, he still secretes fluid the entire time that has the potential to make you pregnant. Don't be a fool, if you are old enough and mature enough to have sex.... use birth control.
- There is no excuse for "revenge" sex. If your partner cheats on you, immediately going out to sleep with someone else as revenge doesn't make it right.... it makes things way worse. Relationships aren't about keeping score. If you believe they are, then you shouldn't be in one.
- Relationships rarely end easily. Especially long term relationships. It is very common for one partner to breakup with the other and then continue to text them or call them. Many times sex can start again as well. Unfortunately, there was a reason you two broke up in the first place and odds are a cycle with start to where you start to spend more time together and eventually feel like you ARE together... only to break up again. So before you post those "He broke up with me but he still texts me!" questions, remember this.
- There are about 50 million posts here regarding porn. Please do a search prior to posting questions like "My boyfriend watches porn, what should I do?". This is a touchy subject here but my opinion on porn is that it's not a big deal - as long as it's not an addiction. To MOST men, watching porn is strictly a tool for masturbating. Those women are not the type men want to have relationships with. Ask and most men will tell you that as soon as they "do their deed" they shut it off. It's not like they watch it for any other purpose. From my experience, the women that have issues with porn have issues with their own self confidence and they are insecure. There are many women out there that are confident that they satisfy their men sexually and feel that their husband watching porn is harmless. However, don't get me wrong, there are times when a man is addicted to porn and will choose porn OVER sex with their partner. This is where porn is unhealthy. My point in all of this is if you are in what you consider to be a "perfect" relationship with a great guy who does anything and everything for you, there is no need to penalize him if he watches porn. If you STILL have a problem with it, try watching it with him. Make it a sexual experience for the both of you. Or, record yourself with him. You'd be surprised what that does for a relationship. |
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| Latest articles: What you need to know about Online Dating
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 August 2010: First, let me start off by saying that online dating is not a bad thing. In todays age of technology and the internet, I think online dating is just as good if not better than simply meeting someone at a bar, pub or nightclub. When you meet ...
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My boyfriend says if we have a baby he will settle down with me and stop hanging out on the streets, what should I do?
Q. hi i'm 17 and my boyfriend is 18 and wants to have a baby but he is alway out in the streets he say's if we have a baby he will settle down with me. What should i do?...
A. 8 June 2010: Tell him you'll have a child with him when he stops hanging out on the streets.....
And becomes responsible.
And shows you how much he loves you.
And cares for you.
And marries you.
And shows that he wants to help support you.
And wants ... (read in full...)
Is he into me, or is he just being friendly?
Q. I have not been interested in a guy in over THREE YEARS so I'm a little confused as to how the dating game works. This is pretty darn detailed, but if you don't mind a story I want YOUR analysis on this guys actions, and if maybe I just have it ...
A. 8 June 2010: For guys who are shy, it's very difficult for them to show any kind of interest in women. But I think his act of physical contact (squeezing your hips) is a sign that he has an attraction to you. However, because he is shy, you are most likely ... (read in full...)
I'm beginning to doubt this older guy's intentions. Does he like me or is he just using me?
Q. I've been talking to an older guy online. He is someone I've met in person before, so not a total stranger, but I never knew him very well in the past. Anyways, after chatting with him online I started to like him a lot. It seems he may be returning ...
A. 8 June 2010: Glad to hear it. What you did is very mature and I commend you for it.... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to mess around with my ex even though it feels so right?
Q. Me and my ex flirt a lot I tell him my dreams n fantasies about him, we dirty talk n feel each other up. We're both virgins we understand it’s a joke, he’s made it clear he respects me too much he says he doesn’t want to use me, he's s said many ...
A. 7 June 2010: It doesn't look like you are being used. In fact... in my opinion it looks like you're being more of a tease to him. He's openly said he doesn't want to use you, but he's not stupid... if you want to touch him he's going to let you.
Why are you ... (read in full...)
I'm beginning to doubt this older guy's intentions. Does he like me or is he just using me?
Q. I've been talking to an older guy online. He is someone I've met in person before, so not a total stranger, but I never knew him very well in the past. Anyways, after chatting with him online I started to like him a lot. It seems he may be returning ...
A. 7 June 2010: He's a perv. Stay away from him. Normal 45 year old men aren't looking to have 18 year old girls as friends. Also, it isn't really normal for 45 year old men to want to try to hook up with 18 year old girls sexually.
This is definitely a situat... (read in full...)
Are there any men in their early 20's who know for a fact they would not cheat on their partners?
Q. Are there any men in their early 20's here that know for a fact you would never cheat on your signifiacant other? How do you know you would never? Do you try to stay out of situations where you may be tempted? (Like going to bars stc without your ...
A. 7 June 2010: Everybody has temptation. EVERYBODY. But it comes down to values, trust, and above all else doing what is right.
I'm late 20's but I can say with 100% certainty that I would not cheat on my significant other. That doesn't mean a stray thought ... (read in full...)
She has become distant while getting divorced. Should I wait it out, or see it through?
Q. I'm writing on here again because I've been seeing someone for the last two months and after things took a turn to become serious I'm now getting bad vibes from her. She is in the process of going through a divorce, (been separated since September) ...
A. 7 June 2010: I'd give her some space. With matters like this it's difficult for someone in her position for many reason. The divorce, the lawyer, not wanting to do something wrong, the reality setting in that she's actually getting divorced... it's just a lot. ... (read in full...)
I'm beginning to doubt this older guy's intentions. Does he like me or is he just using me?
Q. I've been talking to an older guy online. He is someone I've met in person before, so not a total stranger, but I never knew him very well in the past. Anyways, after chatting with him online I started to like him a lot. It seems he may be returning ...
A. 7 June 2010: May I ask how old this older guy is? And how old you are. I see it says 16-17 but I just want to clarify. The main reason I ask is because he age will give us insight into his behavior. My answer for a guy who is 19,20 is going to be much ... (read in full...)
I feel like a failure as a parent!
Q. I feel like a failure as a parent. I am a successful business man, volunteer firfighter and little league coach. I have been open with my kids (20 yr old son and 17 yr old twins a son and a daughter). My wife passed away when my twins were 3yr old. ...
A. 7 June 2010: You're going to get a lot of different opinions on what you should do or what you are doing wrong, but personally... I think they're all pointless. Every situation is different. Nobody can tell you, nor should they tell you how to raise your ... (read in full...)
I want to be in love with my pregnant girlfriend again, but I can't handle her past..
Q. My gf is 6 months pregnant and we just broke up a couple weeks ago cause i stopped loving her the way i used to and i confessed on why. Last summer we broke up for good reasons and on bad terms, we both were wrong. But i was devastated. but right ...
A. 7 June 2010: Everybody who is in a relationship has to deal with their partner's past. I know it's a little different here because it was after you two broke up, but the fact of the matter is it's now in the past. She loves you and she is having your baby. ... (read in full...)
I've been dreaming about my former lecturer and now he's invited me to see his band! I have a boyfriend, help!
Q. Hey I'm living With my boyfriend and have been in a serious relationship with him for a number of years. Before we met I was at college and had what I would call a crush on one of my lecturers there. This crush kindof just fizzled out, and even th...
A. 4 June 2010: He's married and has a child. You have a boyfriend. Nobody would know???? YOU would know! And if you can live with that than maybe you should reconsider your relationship with your boyfriend. Would you be okay with him thinking in his mind about ... (read in full...)
True Love or Not ?
Q. My boyfriend is older than me by 4 years. i love him soooooooooooooo much and he love me too. He even prove that he do. He never pays attention to other girls. Should i believe him?...
A. 4 June 2010: Why wouldn't you?... (read in full...)
Can someone help me out with this predicament?
Q. I currently find myself in a predicament. Just before Christmas I was with a guy (A) whom I was falling for. It transpired he had just finished in the armed forces and was trying to adjust himself to ‘normal’ life. Unfortunately he found it slightly ...
A. 4 June 2010: Well, I suggest looking at each man as an independent issue. First, with guy B - if you're not sure about your relationship with him than break it off with him. Or at least try slowing things down. Tell him you want to see other people. Don't ... (read in full...)
Is he connecting with me for a quickie?
Q. Sorry in advance if this is goes on abit! haha Well i'm in an online dating site and this one guy contacted me about 7 month ago just sent a hello then asked if i'm ever out (in the area we live) and i said i didn't go clubbing or anything he sent ...
A. 4 June 2010: Sounds like he's fishing. People just on those sites to hook up, get laid. Bump up their numbers.
9 times out of 10, people on dating sites looking for a possible serious relationship want to talk for a long time before ever meeting. It's why... (read in full...)
She has a boyfriend, but I want to be with her! And now my friend is acting all jealous. It is overwhelming me, what should I do?
Q. so im in quite a dilemma here. i havnt been with anyone in over two years as a self choice. lost the love of my life and been hurt to many times by others. unfortunately I work with a girl who im extremely interested in. something about her is so ...
A. 4 June 2010: Well, the simple truth of the matter is if this girl really liked you romantically she would dump her boyfriend for you. But the longer she keeps her boyfriend, the more it means she just likes you as a friend. You may be a really good friend to ... (read in full...)
Husband left me after 10 years
Q. Ok, I have been with my husband for 10 years. We separated once before and then reconciled. Now we are separated again just when things seemed to be getting good again. His dad passed away in February and he has wanted nothing to do with me since. ...
A. 4 June 2010: Sorry to hear he's not making things any easier. As you have already noticed, guys like that tend to sense your hurt and feed off of that. When they start to sense you getting over him or even moving on with your life, than that's when they do ... (read in full...)
How can I confront and grass on my teacher for sleeping with my friend
Q. Help I think my friend is sleeping with a teacher, I feel responsible about doing something but I'm not sure what... I'm not just blindly accusing one of my teachers of sleeping with a pupil I really think they are because... 1)I know she has a s...
A. 3 June 2010: Unless you have 100% ironclad proof that this is taking place, you shouldn't do anything. Normally I'd say stay out of it no matter what, but teachers having sexual relationships with students is morally wrong. Officials should be notified but at ... (read in full...)
Too devoted???
Q. My girlfriend says that I am "too devoted". Not exactly sure what that means. What is the best way to behave as a boyfriend?...
A. 3 June 2010: In addition to what CaringGuy said, she COULD also be not as serious about your relationship as you are. Should could be looking for more casual or unofficial where you may be more serious.... (read in full...)
Husband left me after 10 years
Q. Ok, I have been with my husband for 10 years. We separated once before and then reconciled. Now we are separated again just when things seemed to be getting good again. His dad passed away in February and he has wanted nothing to do with me since. ...
A. 3 June 2010: It's not crazy. You've done nothing wrong. It's not like you cheated on him or anything. You're feelings have never changed, it's only been him. More than once. And because you love him, those feelings are always going to be there.
All y... (read in full...)
I'm married, but now I want to have my fun with strangers. 3 down and counting, should I feel guilty?
Q. Ok here is my situation I have been married with my husband 5 years, I was a virgin when he took me, he had his fun before me. But just recently I started this appetite of having sex with other guys just to try it out. is that normal? should ...
A. 3 June 2010: Terrible. That just isn't fair. He got to play, of course you should get to play as well. Keep sleeping with strangers until that urge is gone. You go girl!
Actually, I don't believe that... I just felt bad that everybody else was against ... (read in full...)
I cheated on my husband and don't know who is the father of my daughter!
Q. Hi, please someone help me!!! I've been married for 4 years now and been with my husband for 10 years. We have a 2 year old son and now a 3 week old daughter. The problem is, I'm not sure if ou daughter is my husbands baby?? I had cheated on my ...
A. 3 June 2010: 2 choices, you either get a paternity test and tell him the truth, or you keep it to yourself and never speak of it again. You just better hope she doesn't have red hair when both of you are brunettes. (or something similar)... (read in full...)
Why did he kiss me like this when we are just friends, plus he has a girlfriend!
Q. I recently split up with my longterm boyfriend after a whole heap of problems. We are still friends and spend time together (by time I do mean exactly that i.e. cinema, food out, but nothing more). Whilst we were going through the tough months I ...
A. 3 June 2010: It sounds like you two are very close. Closer than either of your current or ex partners. Therefore I don't think you are looking into this too much. You are slightly confused and that is understandable. The good thing is you understand he MIGHT ... (read in full...)
Do I chase her or let her go?
Q. I have been seeing a co-worker for a couple of weeks now. We travel for work, and most of these past two weeks we have been at hotels and hanging out/hooking up there. Tonight is our first "date", I guess, in the city we live. I had asked her to...
A. 3 June 2010: Glad it all worked out for you. Try to keep any doubts out of your mind. Just enjoy yourself and remember... no pressure.
Good luck. :-)... (read in full...)
Why did he kiss me like this when we are just friends, plus he has a girlfriend!
Q. I recently split up with my longterm boyfriend after a whole heap of problems. We are still friends and spend time together (by time I do mean exactly that i.e. cinema, food out, but nothing more). Whilst we were going through the tough months I ...
A. 3 June 2010: First, odds are you are more attractive than you give yourself credit for. Second, just because she is "stunning" doesn't mean they're relationship is great. The best relationships are the ones that have a great foundation built on friendship. If ... (read in full...)
Sexual urges... should I give in to them?
Q. I am 26 been saving my virginity for the right guy who has yet to make an appearance in my life. Now it's got to a point where I just really want to have sex. I feel like I am missing out on something great. Should I wait or just go for i...
A. 3 June 2010: Save it for the right guy. It's hard, but it'll be worth it.... (read in full...)
Husband left me after 10 years
Q. Ok, I have been with my husband for 10 years. We separated once before and then reconciled. Now we are separated again just when things seemed to be getting good again. His dad passed away in February and he has wanted nothing to do with me since. ...
A. 3 June 2010: Sorry, got a little mixed up thinking you were still back together again with my last post but realized again that you were separated. Staying separated is best. Let him miss you and what he doesn't have anymore and than use that as leverage if he ... (read in full...)
Husband left me after 10 years
Q. Ok, I have been with my husband for 10 years. We separated once before and then reconciled. Now we are separated again just when things seemed to be getting good again. His dad passed away in February and he has wanted nothing to do with me since. ...
A. 3 June 2010: Ok, now things get a lot more clear. This really isn't a situation you should be in. You don't deserve this. From what I see, you are putting everything into your relationship and he is putting in nothing. What you are seeing, what you are ... (read in full...)
Do I chase her or let her go?
Q. I have been seeing a co-worker for a couple of weeks now. We travel for work, and most of these past two weeks we have been at hotels and hanging out/hooking up there. Tonight is our first "date", I guess, in the city we live. I had asked her to...
A. 3 June 2010: If that's your normal form of communication than I'd say let it go. Too much will seem like you are smothering her. She knows you have a date so if she "forgets" or is busy, that's on her.... (read in full...)
Help! Is he having an affair? Or just doesn't love me anymore?
Q. Hi, I have been married for almost 9 years, actually our anniversary is june 9, I can relate to almost all of the women on this site, I have been having major problems within my marriage for years now, besides fighting with each other (mostly ...
A. 2 June 2010: I don't think he's cheating, if it makes you feel better. A cheater wouldn't be sitting around playing with is Playstation for hours like you are saying. Not that it's any better. In fact, it's probably almost as bad as cheating because he's ... (read in full...)
Ex said "never say never", should I give it a go to win her back?
Q. me and my ex have been split up for 5 months now. I want her back. She says we should concentrate on being friends and i agreed at the time because i dont want to lose her. I have tried fighting for her , but when i asked her the other day if there ...
A. 2 June 2010: Sometimes being patient and showing them that you are there for them no matter what is the only way to accomplish the goal you seek. You can't force somebody to be ready. The best relationships are built on friendship. Maybe you should focus on ... (read in full...)
Do I chase her or let her go?
Q. I have been seeing a co-worker for a couple of weeks now. We travel for work, and most of these past two weeks we have been at hotels and hanging out/hooking up there. Tonight is our first "date", I guess, in the city we live. I had asked her to...
A. 2 June 2010: It sounds like she's interested in you but she is just cautious because of her job. Now, as for switching drinks to dinner, I'd say that is a good sign. It hopefully means she wants it to be more of a date then just hanging out together.
If yo... (read in full...)
Husband left me after 10 years
Q. Ok, I have been with my husband for 10 years. We separated once before and then reconciled. Now we are separated again just when things seemed to be getting good again. His dad passed away in February and he has wanted nothing to do with me since. ...
A. 2 June 2010: Well, it doesn't sound like it's anything you did wrong. He could be just so effected by his dad's death that he needs to place the blame and hurt elsewhere. Unfortunately that may be you. And unfortunately, since it's not your fault I don't ... (read in full...)
I can a woman physically cum over a male???
Q. I was giving my boyfriend a handjob the other day and he was talking saying dirty type things and he goes: 'mmm i want you to cum on me.' what does that mean ? do women 'come'/'cum' like men do ? i've masturbated for ages and when i orgasm or be...
A. 1 June 2010: It's just an expression a guy uses for when he wants his partner to have an orgasm while his penis is inside her. A lot of times, while not ejaculating like men, will just get more wet in their vagina while they are having an orgasm. Often men can ... (read in full...)
My teacher texts me at least 20 times a day and I really like her, what should I do?
Q. Ok, so I'm 18 and I just graduated from High school, my teacher is 26 and she constantly texts students, I dont know how much she texts the other but with me its atleast 20 a day, we talk all the time and we hang out after school, shes gone with ...
A. 1 June 2010: I agree, you should ask her out. But it doesn't have to be in a nervous or formal way like "Will you be my girlfriend?". Just keep it informal, maybe asking her to lunch. If there is a lot of physical contact between you two (non sexual) then ... (read in full...)
How do I make this into a booty call relationship?
Q. I met ran into an old friend that I picked up in a bar and we had sex. I am not in a position to have a relationship. I travel all over the US for work, and communicated this to him. He made sure to get my phone number. He texed me 30 minutes ...
A. 1 June 2010: I suggest just being honest with him. Text him and say you're going to be out of town but back in two weeks and you want to know if you can meet up before going away again. Just make sure you don't lead him on in any way thinking you want more. ... (read in full...)
Bumped into my ex and he said he'd wished we didn't split up... oh noooooooo why did he say that???
Q. I'm 26 years old and I have a 2 month old baby with someone I no longer have feelings for. We are both there for our baby but our relationship has become so bad that I cant talk to him without feeling angry or frustrated. Basically, alot happened ...
A. 1 June 2010: This is common for ex's. This is why so many times people get caught in the cycle of breaking up and getting back together. What kind of a relationship did you have? Were there ups and downs? Did the cause of your breakup get resolved? Could it ... (read in full...)
Setting the scenario for a break up???
Q. So, this is my second time posting. Last time i said i wanted to break up with my boyfriend and that i found an apartment that is ready to be moved into. Everyone thought i was being scared and didn't want to break up with my boyfriend. But, I'm not ...
A. 1 June 2010: There is no easy scenario. When you live together, it's going to be hard no matter what you do. The best thing you can do is just do it and get it over with. Get as much essential belongings of your out of there and into your new apartment and ... (read in full...)
Will the guilt ever go away?
Q. My boyfriend and i of 5 years have been going through some rough times but were really trying to get through them. I have trust issues even though i know he would never do anything. Well i just became the worst hippocrite because i recently fooled ...
A. 1 June 2010: While you never know how you'd react till you are in that exact situation, if I was your boyfriend I'd like to think I'd react in this way:
1. I'd be furious at my so called "friend" for even trying it. The instant I found out he would no longe... (read in full...)
Will the guilt ever go away?
Q. My boyfriend and i of 5 years have been going through some rough times but were really trying to get through them. I have trust issues even though i know he would never do anything. Well i just became the worst hippocrite because i recently fooled ...
A. 27 May 2010: Do you have any feelings for his friend or are you attracted to him at all? I'm not asking you if you'd rather be with him over your boyfriend, I'm just curious if part of the reason you feel guilty is because a part of you was ok with him doing ... (read in full...)
He cheated and thinks I'm blowing it out of proportion
Q. Need some advice!!! My fiance have been together for almost 10 yrs now,he cheated on me with a lady from a local bar right b4 we were to get married 3yrs ago! I have tried to work past that but he still talks with the woman and just recently I found ...
A. 27 May 2010: You hit the nail on the head when you said it is very disrespectful because it is. To cheat and to knowingly keep her as a part of his life is pretty much a slap in the face to you. And when he makes you out to be the bad guy whenever you bring ... (read in full...)
Is he just trying to have sex with me? Or do we really connect?
Q. I met a man one night through a mutual friend. He lives a couple states away but asked for my number so that we could "keep in touch." I assumed it was just a friendly thing as I'm a very social person with friends all over the world. But when we ...
A. 27 May 2010: Yes, he could just be trying to get laid... but he COULD be genuine. There are a lot of cynical people out there now a days who are going to tell you not to trust him, but in the end you just need to base your opinion of him on your own ... (read in full...)
Will the guilt ever go away?
Q. My boyfriend and i of 5 years have been going through some rough times but were really trying to get through them. I have trust issues even though i know he would never do anything. Well i just became the worst hippocrite because i recently fooled ...
A. 26 May 2010: Well, here's what I think: I think you're making yourself out to be the bad guy here when you shouldn't. And the longer you don't tell your boyfriend, the more guilty you're going to seem when you shouldn't. Whether you like it or not, HE ... (read in full...)
Will the guilt ever go away?
Q. My boyfriend and i of 5 years have been going through some rough times but were really trying to get through them. I have trust issues even though i know he would never do anything. Well i just became the worst hippocrite because i recently fooled ...
A. 26 May 2010: Well, not to get too personal here, but what exactly happened? It wasn't sex, it wasn't kissing, then what? The only reason I ask is because you may be beating yourself up for nothing here. Describe what happened and that may change a lot of our ... (read in full...)
Will the guilt ever go away?
Q. My boyfriend and i of 5 years have been going through some rough times but were really trying to get through them. I have trust issues even though i know he would never do anything. Well i just became the worst hippocrite because i recently fooled ...
A. 25 May 2010: Why did you do what you did? This isn't about making you feel guilty anymore, or proving you did something wrong because you already know all of this. I'm just curious if you've admitted to yourself yet as to why you did it. The most common ... (read in full...)
Will the guilt ever go away?
Q. My boyfriend and i of 5 years have been going through some rough times but were really trying to get through them. I have trust issues even though i know he would never do anything. Well i just became the worst hippocrite because i recently fooled ...
A. 25 May 2010: The guilt will not go away unless you tell him. If it does eventually go away without telling him, it means you have become the very thing you fear... a cheater.
Should you tell him? Depends. Why would you tell him? To eliminate your guilt? ... (read in full...)
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