A
male
age
36-40,
*Scooter43
writes:I am a senior in all boys high school. I play football so I know students from th 9th grade thru the 12th grade.I have a problem. I am not gay, but I am starting to have a crush on a freshman that is 14 years old. He can make me laugh and we do have a good friendship. I am also a good friend to his older brother who is 17 years old (both of the brothers goes too the same school as me and all three of us play football on the same team). There have been a few times when I masturbate that I start thinking of a girl and then I start thinking of him while I masturbate.Why am I starting to have a crush on him? I know I am not gay and even if I was, I would never do anything with him until he was 18 years old. Is it normal for straight males to sometimes have a crush on another male?
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female
reader, kandykane +, writes (30 March 2010):
you're not bi or gay.
dont worry or anything.
unless you find yourself liking men more than women
or not liking women at all.
then maybe you are.
A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (29 March 2010):
 If you have sexual desires of any kind for another male, you are gay/bi. You can try to put a percentage on it all you want, and you can even be attracted to females too... but you are definitely not in the straight category anymore.
Sorry, I'm not trying to sound like a jerk. I'm not judging you saying it's good or bad... it just is what it is. Straight males do not have crushes on another male.
Now, there is such thing as a "man crush".... but it's more of a made up term over the years for when a guy really likes another guy as a friend. (wants to be just like him, etc) NO sexual desires or thoughts of any kind.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2010): I agree, look at the kinsey scale.
When I was younger, I had a crush on one of my good girl friends. But it wasn't really a crush. I was just--like rhythmandblues2 said--fascinated by her. It was only a phase.
Just like whomever you like, and don't worry about it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2010): http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/a570098Here is an article that is rather technical that explains the problems with Kinsey's research and this use of this scale to determine where you are on the sexual orientation continuum.I personally think giving this kid vague information on the Kinsey scale is just going to confuse the hell out of him. Most people take some time to develop their sexual identity and preferences, it's part of growing up.I for one have always been 100% heterosexual, I am not saying this out of some homophobic belief system, I am telling you my personal experience with my own sexuality.So to say that no one is 100% heterosexual is inaccurate and misleading and prejuidicial.Forget the Kinsey Scale, you don't need it to learn who you are...it was merely a poorly conducted research on human sexual orientation that proved useful to some degree in understanding that there may be a sliding scale for human behavior, but we all know that people are vastly different from one another didn't we? Be a dull worl without it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2010): I really felt the need to answer this question because i can see that you are very confused, and you dont need to be. i am a female, but this is something that i beleive goes both ways. Its something i'd like to call, "the girl/man crush" demending on your gender. This is how i see your situation: Men and women both get curious about the bodies and personal aspects of the same sex from time to time, and it is simply to reassure themselves of there own body consciousness. for example, a man that is concerned that he is small below the belt might find himself peeking in the locker room to compare and ease his worries....NOT GAY. A girl might wonder about what another womens breasts looks like in concern for the shape of her own, again...NOT GAY. Sometimes we dont know exactly where the curiousity is coming from, because as young adults we tend to mush attraction and curiousity together, when this is not the fact. it is perfectlyyyy normal to be curious about another man. As a young man yourself, you probably just strongly admire certain things about him that you wish you HAD yourself, as opposed to wanting FOR yourself sexually. When it comes to masterbating, i too am aroused by the sight of women, but simply because the visual image of seeing my species in pleasure makes me want to be pleasured, and therefore i become aroused. Try not to confuse this with attraction. In conclusion, i truely think you simply admire this student in a way that makes you fantasize BEING that person rather than BEING WITH that person. this is something young brains can't differentiate between. And on another note, if you ever feel that you might actually be homosexual, this is not something to be ashamed of, so just keep that in mind if that turns out to be the case in the next couple of years. goodluck
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (29 March 2010):
 You're familiar with the Kinsey scale, right? Google the Kinsey scale.
It's a scale that measures exactly HOW straight, gay, or bisexual a person is. In other words, it's based on the premise that most people are NOT 100% gay, 100% straight, or 100% bi... that most people fall somewhere in one of the grey areas.
It's possible that you're predominantly straight, but not 100% straight.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2010): I think this can happen a lot in teenagers. It isn't so much that you have a crush on him, that's the wrong word as there is no romantic intent or attraction...you just have really strong feelings for him, think he is adorable since he is younger than you are and you are a bit fascinated with his personality.When you are young you are forming your identity, you are more open and you feel things for people more intensely. It is sad that you would confuse this for sexual attraction, it isn't the same you just really like him maybe even love him. Love exists between same sex friends and family.As far as what you are visualizing and thinking about while masturbating that really doesn't mean anything either or that you are bi sexual or gay. It is while you are in a state of sexual arousal and fantasy that just about anything can pop into your head....that is what our brains are wired to do, fantasize to become sexually aroused, all things are allowed in fantasy, it is your own private movie.If you had sexual attraction for him it would be in your real life and you wouldn't question it, you would know it to be fact. I know intense emotions can be confusing and kind of scarey, but I think you know where you stand on the sexual orientation scale. You just really like this guy and that is OK.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2010): I think this can happen a lot in teenagers. It isn't so much that you have a crush on him, that's the wrong word as their is no romantic intent or attraction...you just have really strong feelings for him, think he is adorable since he is younger than you are and you are a bit fascinated with his personality.
When you are young you are forming your identity, you are more open and you feel things for people more intensely. It is sad that you would confuse this for sexual attraction, it isn't the same you just really like him maybe even love him. Love exists between same sex friends and family.
As far as what you are visualizing and thinking about while masturbating that really doesn't mean anything either or that you are bi sexual or gay. It is while you are in a state of sexual arousal and and fantasy that just about anything can pop into your head....that is what are brains are wired to do, fantasize.
If you had sexual attraction for him it would be in your real life and you wouldn't question it, you would know it to be fact. I know intense emotions can be confusing and kind of scarey, but I think you know where you stand on the sexual orientation scale. You just really like this guy and that is OK.
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