A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:*OP's own title*i have been with my partner for a year now, its my first serious relationship, and im his first love. we get on great, have a fun together, always cuddling and kissing, however there is one problem, i dont know if its just me, but he and my older sister get along so well that it makes me jelouse and it winds me up. when shes around he has chats with her, smiles at her, he acts very different when shes around. i asked him if he fancies my sister and he said " no i dont, i just think shes a laugh to hang out with" but im not buying it, i cant. in the past my ex tried it on with my sister, i never did really find out what went on, she told me he tried to kiss her but she pushed him away, and of course i believed her, although i had doubt. me and my sister are really close and get along so well, but now i think my boyfriend and her fancy eachother, its driving me mad and i cant stand watching them grin at eachother having deep conversations. what should i do? should i leave my boyfriend? i dont want to fall out with my sister over this...(i have to admit im a jelouse person and have trust issues, due to being hurt in the past)and in the early stage of our relationship me and my sister had a big bust up and instead of getting up and following me, he was on her side instead, and it just shows that maybe he has fell for her, and maybe hes liked her all along. my sister has a boyfriend who she has been with for 3 years and she lives with him, i just want to get this out of my head, i have already spoken to him about this, but somehow i dont believe a word he says although i love him so much. im thinking of taking the easy way out before he seriously breaks my heart, i feel like my heart is breaking already. any advice? xx
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male
reader, TimmD  +, writes (25 March 2010):
 I think you're over-reacting, personally. You admit you have trust issues. So far he is telling you nothing is happening and your sister is saying the same thing. If you leave him then I think this sets up a pattern for the rest of your life. Until you have some actual evidence of something happening I'd just try to put your issues to the side and trust him.
I'm not telling you this because i'm just a man defending another man.... I'm telling you this for your own benefit. I'd hate to see you get caught in a pattern where at the first sign of trouble in your mind you back away and run. Sure, you got hurt in the past and sure it COULD happen again.... but everybody has to take that chance. If you go down this road now you may never recover.
If this guy treats you good, and gives you his love and really hasn't given you any other reason to doubt it then just do what you can to bury your doubts.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (13 March 2010):
 Tell him that you need to take a time out . Do not think about this problem but to go out with your friends and enjoy life.
When your head has cleared , you can decide if you want to stay or move on.
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A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (13 March 2010):
 The only person breaking your heart is YOU, with your fears and insecurities.You're allowing these feelings to get the best of you and you are about to mess up a successful relationship because of it.
All of the "evidence" you cite does not add up to your boyfriend being interested in your sister. Your sister has been in a relationship for three years with a man she lives with; what makes you think she wants YOUR man? She has her own and you obviously don't think much of her if you feel she has no loyalty to your or her relationship.
PM is absolutely right; if you ever want a happy relationship, you will have to figure out why you are so insecure and why you view your sister as a threat.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionby ending the relationship, that way i wont be hurt too much if what im thinking is true.
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A
female
reader, blissbrite +, writes (12 March 2010):
what would the easy way out be ?
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A
male
reader, PM  +, writes (12 March 2010):
 The issue here isn't whether or not your boyfriend and your sister like each other, it's your own insecurity and trust issues. If they do like each other, then there's not much you can do about it because you cannot control the actions of others. If they don't like each other, then your insecurity will eventually drive your boyfriend away because other girls are going to make you just as jealous.
If you want to be able to have a strong relationship with a man, then you need to work on yourself and deal with these trust issues. Your sister and other women are going to be around for the rest of your life, so if you plan to ever be in a long-term relationship, this is something you need to work on now and not 10 years from now.
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