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... Send *immD a private message | | | *immD's profile:Any advice I give should not be taken personally. I'm not here to judge you, so you can be sure any advice I give is strictly objective. What you choose to do with my advice is completely up to you, though you can be sure the advice I am giving you is what I feel is best for you.
Please keep an open mind when asking for advice. It seems that many people aren't really looking for advice, they are just looking for justification to do what they already have in their mind to do. This site is about gaining an unbiased perspective on things. Please don't ask a question if you've already made your mind up on what to do.
Some things to remember:
- The "pullout" method is NOT a method of birth control. This is just something people do to rationalize their thoughts that sex without a condom feels better than it does with a condom. Even though a man doesn't climax, he still secretes fluid the entire time that has the potential to make you pregnant. Don't be a fool, if you are old enough and mature enough to have sex.... use birth control.
- There is no excuse for "revenge" sex. If your partner cheats on you, immediately going out to sleep with someone else as revenge doesn't make it right.... it makes things way worse. Relationships aren't about keeping score. If you believe they are, then you shouldn't be in one.
- Relationships rarely end easily. Especially long term relationships. It is very common for one partner to breakup with the other and then continue to text them or call them. Many times sex can start again as well. Unfortunately, there was a reason you two broke up in the first place and odds are a cycle with start to where you start to spend more time together and eventually feel like you ARE together... only to break up again. So before you post those "He broke up with me but he still texts me!" questions, remember this.
- There are about 50 million posts here regarding porn. Please do a search prior to posting questions like "My boyfriend watches porn, what should I do?". This is a touchy subject here but my opinion on porn is that it's not a big deal - as long as it's not an addiction. To MOST men, watching porn is strictly a tool for masturbating. Those women are not the type men want to have relationships with. Ask and most men will tell you that as soon as they "do their deed" they shut it off. It's not like they watch it for any other purpose. From my experience, the women that have issues with porn have issues with their own self confidence and they are insecure. There are many women out there that are confident that they satisfy their men sexually and feel that their husband watching porn is harmless. However, don't get me wrong, there are times when a man is addicted to porn and will choose porn OVER sex with their partner. This is where porn is unhealthy. My point in all of this is if you are in what you consider to be a "perfect" relationship with a great guy who does anything and everything for you, there is no need to penalize him if he watches porn. If you STILL have a problem with it, try watching it with him. Make it a sexual experience for the both of you. Or, record yourself with him. You'd be surprised what that does for a relationship. |
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| Latest articles: What you need to know about Online Dating
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 August 2010: First, let me start off by saying that online dating is not a bad thing. In todays age of technology and the internet, I think online dating is just as good if not better than simply meeting someone at a bar, pub or nightclub. When you meet ...
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He got with my best friend after seeing me kiss two boys at my birthday party!
Q. I really dont know what to do about this guy i like! and the situation im in right now! if anyone could help me you'd be such a great help! I had my 18th birthday party on saturday night (but lets start from the begining) Ive been meeting a guy...
A. 24 May 2010: Say what you will about me, but you never answered my question. Do you think he would have slept with your friend if you didn't kiss 3 other guys that night?
Another question: What are you more mad at? The fact that he slept with another ... (read in full...)
Cupid's terrible timing!
Q. I met back up with a girl from college, and went to visit her. She lives 4 hrs away, and we hit it off really well. About 3 days after I returned home, she called and told me that she just found out she was a month pregnant by some army guy that she ...
A. 19 May 2010: Terrible timing indeed. The problem is there is no right or wrong answer. Having a relationship with a girl in a situation like this is not that crazy, but only if she means a lot to you and you believe she could be "the one". Unfortunately, it ... (read in full...)
I stained my sheet three times... is there any chance she'll still want me?
Q. Well... As my screen name states it all. I am dumb. I recently cheated on my wife of 12 years. I regret everything about it. It does get worse it was with three women. I know that this act is insulting and a slap in the face to her. I dont know the...
A. 19 May 2010: Maybe you should consider seeing a counselor of some sort. Somebody who can help you put some of your thoughts and feelings in order. This would go a long way with your wife and essentially acknowledging you have a problem and you are serious ... (read in full...)
He got with my best friend after seeing me kiss two boys at my birthday party!
Q. I really dont know what to do about this guy i like! and the situation im in right now! if anyone could help me you'd be such a great help! I had my 18th birthday party on saturday night (but lets start from the begining) Ive been meeting a guy...
A. 19 May 2010: You kissed 4 guys at that party. What right do you have to feel jealous for ANYTHING he does with anybody else?
Do you honestly think he would have done what he did if you didn't do what you did?
If you truly care about this guy then you sho... (read in full...)
Is the transition from masturbation to penetrative sex difficult?
Q. Hello All, I am a guy aged 23, single (in fact, never been on a date yet) and a virgin (no surprises). I am not really desperate to lose my virginity and I think I can wait till I find my true love or till I get married. But for the last two...
A. 19 May 2010: Male masturbation, this includes ALL forms of masturbation including fleshlights, etc... are not the same as sexual intercourse with a female. When you are a virgin (no matter what age you are) you just cannot understand until have have sex. The ... (read in full...)
I think I have met the "one" but he is the only person I have ever slept with, and now I am thinking I need to get a few flings out of my system!
Q. Hey guys, i've been with my boyfriend for over a year now, i honestly beleive he's my soulmate. Totally crazy about eachother, he's the man i want to marry and have children with. Thing is, i've only ever slept with one person, him. And he slept ...
A. 19 May 2010: If he truly was your soulmate you wouldn't "feel like you need to get a few flings out of your system". A soulmate is someone who you want MORE than anybody else in this world and you are happy with, unconditionally.
This does not sound like you... (read in full...)
Should I try to be friends with him still? Or am I crazy to want to be?
Q. This guy and I, we'll call him jack, dated for almost a year before we had some problems and I broke up with him. We tried to be friends but we ended up getting into argument after argument because of the break up which neither of us wanted. We said ...
A. 18 May 2010: Give it a second try was good, but usually if it keeps happening... it's going to KEEP happening.
Listen to your friends, they have a habit of seeing things more clearly. And in the end, they are most likely just trying to protect you.... (read in full...)
I didnt bleed when I lost my virginity and my boyfriend couldnt feel anything, now he thinks I was not a virgin!
Q. my boyfriend disvirgins me,he doesnt feel anything.i dint lose any blood when i was disvirgined and am sad bcos my boyfriend said he wasnt the one that disvigined me.pls help because it is normal for a guy to feel something within when he disvirgins ...
A. 18 May 2010: Each girl is different. Your boyfriend should know that. Not every girl will "de-virginize" the same way. Your boyfriend should just trust you and enjoy the fact that you were his first. If he can't understand that, then maybe he's not somebody ... (read in full...)
My friend is so angry at me how do I make it up to him?
Q. the other night i had some problems with a very close friend, he is more than i friend, if that makes sense. im 18 and he is 27. he lives far away so it is hard. anyway the other night, we were going to watch a movie together, as he lives far away ...
A. 18 May 2010: Ummmmm.... I don't think you have to make anything up to him. He's not your friend. A friend wouldn't call you names, or get angry at you for no reason. A friend wouldn't do all of those things he's doing to you.
You did not do anything... (read in full...)
Is it normal to feel uncomfortable now my best friend wants to date my ex?
Q. so no doubt about it I am over my ex. I am happily engaged and my ex and I are now friends. my issue is that my best friend has decided she wants to try and get with him. This kind of bothers me. Is this a normal reaction?...
A. 18 May 2010: It's a normal reaction for you to be somewhat bothered. It usually makes you wonder if she liked him the entire time. That leads to a little feeling of betrayal as well. But again, this is normal. What isn't normal is if it REALLY bothers you. ... (read in full...)
One of his daughters doesn't like me!
Q. hello..im in a bit of a dilema..ive fallen for this guy and im really in love with him..the thing is that he is widdowed but he has 5 kids..the youngest is the only one that lives with him,hes 12, and he really likes me..the problem is that his ...
A. 18 May 2010: Kids, no matter how old they are... are going to react like that. It's only natural, their mother is dead and you are looked at initially as a replacement. You shouldn't let them scare you away. It's nothing personal towards you, you're just not ... (read in full...)
How can you tell if a woman is a victim of domestic violence?
Q. What are some of the not so obvious signs that there is an abusive relationship going on? What are the subtle signs that women might display hinting towards being victims of domestic violence?...
A. 18 May 2010: Lack of general trust in people is one. Small comments about things on tv or movies involving domestic violence that would normally be nothing, but she shows a personal interest in. Being extremely quiet and closed off from things. Now wanting to ... (read in full...)
H'es giving up because legally I'm still married!
Q. Ive been dating a guy for 6 months and we both have told eachother that were falling in love with one another. I am still married and have been seperated from my husband for over a year. I just found out our marriage is not going to be final for ...
A. 18 May 2010: What is the situation with your separation? Did you start seeing this man before your separation? Is he the reason for your separation?
If you met him after your husband and you decided to split, then I think the marriage is more of a technica... (read in full...)
I fell for my buddy's gf! How do I deal with the guilt of what I did to him?
Q. A few months ago I met a couple who were friends of friends. Since then, I've spent increasingly more time with the girl and guy, while they're together and while they're apart, with others, and just on our own. I've developed what I feel is a ...
A. 18 May 2010: If you really like this girl, I think you should put her first and foremost. Her friendship, her EVERYTHING, first. If that means your friendship with him is damaged, then then so be it. It sucks, but things don't always work out the way we'd ... (read in full...)
I stained my sheet three times... is there any chance she'll still want me?
Q. Well... As my screen name states it all. I am dumb. I recently cheated on my wife of 12 years. I regret everything about it. It does get worse it was with three women. I know that this act is insulting and a slap in the face to her. I dont know the...
A. 18 May 2010: I think the first step in all of this is being honest with your self and figuring out why you cheated in the first place. Why did you cheat, and why did you cheat with 3 different women? You don't have to answer us here on this site, but saying "I ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has had a tattoo of my name, now I am wondering if I should do something more than just kiss him?
Q. Well my boyfriend and I have been going out for almost 9 months...and about two months ago he got a tattoo of my name, a pretty big one...everyone who's seen it asked him if he slept with me yet..he always replies no..I feel bad about that...I ...
A. 18 May 2010: Getting a tatoo of your name after only 9 months of dating is crazy. Nevertheless.. it was his decision to make. Doing more is YOUR decision to make. Don't do anything out of guilt, and don't do anything until YOU are ready. If he cares about ... (read in full...)
I love my enemy. Help me please...
Q. Hi everybody! I need your advice, friends. I have been chatting with this guy online for 4 months.I am 18, he is 27. We trust and respect each other very much. There is such impression that he is my soul mate. We like and dislike the same things ...
A. 18 May 2010: I am going to have to respectfully disagree with Denise. Here in America it is a little harder for us to understand the whole "enemy" subject this girl is speaking about. Like our racism issues of the past here in America, and I say PAST because ... (read in full...)
I really want a second chance with my ex!
Q. if you finally start talking with an ex again but he isn't ready to be in a relationship again---is it ALWAYS black and white that they just don't want to be with you? We were with each other for almost 4 years and a year of no contact after the ...
A. 18 May 2010: I think you just need to move on, honestly. You can't keep wasting your life waiting for somebody who has made it clear he doesn't want to commit. Sorry to sound so harsh, but it's the truth....... (read in full...)
Is my age, my attitude, or just the men?
Q. Hello. I read all these wonderfull answers, and decided that i need an answer to the question that i have on my mind for the past few years. I am relatively young woman in my early forties. I look very good for my ages, at least this is what i'v...
A. 18 May 2010: Yeah, I don't think it has anything to do with your age or "just men" in general. I think it's more of the specific type of men you keep meeting. Now, I'm not going to stereotype all bartenders, but honestly... most bartenders who are attractive ... (read in full...)
Confused over my long distance romance, please help me??
Q. Hi, well im 16, and i have been in love with this guy for two years. only problem is, he lives about 4 hours away and lives where i go on holiday, (i go there about 6 times a year so i see him alot) everytime i go down, it's like we're together...
A. 18 May 2010: A guy who is experienced in sex like him is probably just being careful with you. When a girl looses her virginity it can be somewhat uncomfortable for her the first time. Sometimes it's even painful. Contrary to popular believe, this is not a ... (read in full...)
He got with my best friend after seeing me kiss two boys at my birthday party!
Q. I really dont know what to do about this guy i like! and the situation im in right now! if anyone could help me you'd be such a great help! I had my 18th birthday party on saturday night (but lets start from the begining) Ive been meeting a guy...
A. 18 May 2010: You say it's ok for you to get with 3 other guys because it was your birthday and it's not as if you two are "together", right? So why isn't it ok for him to get with another girl? You guys aren't "together", right? What if it was HIS birthday? ... (read in full...)
Do you think my cousin likes me, or is it all in my head?
Q. I don't really know how to Say this but, I think my first cousin likes me. Since I can remember we've always been "real" close. She's always would come up to me and put her head in my lap or put my arms around her, flirt with me sometimes. It always ...
A. 18 May 2010: I agree with Tisha.
All I will add is be careful. IF you are reading your cousin wrong it could damage your relationship with her. And I think that would be the last thing you'd want to do.... (read in full...)
My ex contacted me, but now what I've read on his dating profile has shocked me!
Q. Alright Sunday night a guy I dated briefly contacted me via dating site we met on two years ago and I should probably mention that it ended ugly with his last words to me being F-off or something to that effect when I told him I was pregnant. Anyway ...
A. 18 May 2010: You're better off just letting it go. Don't confront him and don't get into an argument. It'll just show him you still have feelings for him, or at least make him think so. Just cut off all contact with him and ignore him. If he pursues further, ... (read in full...)
What would you think about this if it was your girlfriend and your roommate?
Q. Folks i would need some advice.The one i get from my buddies always involves alcohol :s this is the first time i do this kind of thing but here we go. Found out a couple of days ago thanks to a lost email that my girlfriend of 2 years with whom ...
A. 17 May 2010: You are correct in your thinking. While your roommate may be a douche, presumably your girlfriend wouldn't be doing the things she's doing unless she wanted to. If she doesn't get enough affection she should be saying something to you instead of ... (read in full...)
Does this prostitute have feelings for me or is she just using me for money?
Q. I have meet a prostitute and enjoy her company immensely, her being a prostitute does not bother me, i am married not happly married, and prefer her company allthough it is on occaisionally, i think she likes me. the only thing when we go out out ...
A. 17 May 2010: Laura has made a good point. If she likes you or is looking for more than her prostitution based relationship, she will show signs otherwise. She will offer to help pay for things, etc. If she truly loves you, she will simply stop prostituting to ... (read in full...)
Why does my ex keep contacting me now that he has a new girlfriend?
Q. My ex boyfriend brokeup with me three months ago, about one month later he got a new girlfriend. In the last three weeks he has been texting me, but i haven't repiled to any of them. It use to be once a week he would text me, now it's everyother ...
A. 17 May 2010: He doesn't know what he wants. One day he is interested in her, the next day you. It's for that reason why you shouldn't talk to him. Your feelings will just get hurt because he is unsure about his.
This is actually quite common. It only too... (read in full...)
Met another woman
Q. Met someone and have feels for her. She is divorced with 3 children 39yrs. old. I am 49 and married, empty nester. My wife and I rarely have sex and sleep in separate quarters. The other woman is very nice, and laughs at all my jokes. I am starting ...
A. 17 May 2010: Are you a fool for having those feelings or thoughts? No. Would you be a fool for acting on them and cheating on your wife? Yes.
This is the commitment you made all those years ago, my friend.... (read in full...)
Should I let it go, or tell my boyfriend even without him asking??
Q. I've been with my man for 6 years. He has suffered depression from time to time and in the past he found it hard to be in a committed relationship. Even though we both knew we were together, he insisted on calling us 'friends' but to this day he ...
A. 17 May 2010: What would be the point of telling him if he doesn't want to hear? Would it be to benefit him or would it be to help you feel better because of guilt?
If he is that sensitive and he honestly doesn't want to know about it, then don't tell him. On... (read in full...)
Does my fiance have something to hide?
Q. My fiance and I bought a house in July. Turns out, a woman he knew in high school (also friends with her family) lives 1 mile up the road. He hadn't seen her since high school, but when she found out where he lives, she stops to see him. She has ...
A. 14 May 2010: Considering that these incidents have been her coming down to your house, he may not. She just may have a thing for him. He may still hold some feelings for her but that doesn't mean he'd ever act on them. Have you ever had any other reason to ... (read in full...)
How can I tell him I'm interested, I'm just not confident enough!
Q. Well now I have a bit of confusion with a guy at work. I think he is really attracted to me as I have lots of attention from him, glances, stares, etc. We laugh at each other's jokes and banter and it's like we are the only two people in the r...
A. 14 May 2010: There's no rule out there that says you have to come completely out and say "I have feelings for you". Odds are, you are picking up on legitimate hints he is giving you. Additional things that would give away feelings of attraction are extended ... (read in full...)
Wife doesn't satisfy me sexually like past loves...
Q. my former girlfriend was raw with me in bed,she made me feel that no other woman can give me hot sex,now am married and cant find such satisfaction in my wife,yet i love her,what do i do?...
A. 14 May 2010: For a good sexual relationship, it takes TWO. Sure, on occasion there is a guy or girl out there that is really good, but 9 time out of 10 it takes time and experience. And when I say experience I don't mean just lots of sex. You have to be with ... (read in full...)
My wife sent naked pictures to my dad!
Q. I surprisley come to know by viewing my father's mob.images taken and given by my wife's totally nude and having sex pic. and shoked very much in my life. i was in dream of our healthy and whelthy family having father-mother with two chil...
A. 14 May 2010: I would at least confront your wife. I would not suggest allowing it to continue.... (read in full...)
Fell in love with her but she didn't reciprocate..how do I deal with this?
Q. I was friends with my best friend for about 3 years when I was a senior, and she was a freshmen (let's call her Shirley). About 2 years into the friendship, I began to develop feelings for her. I had never felt this way about any other girl...and...
A. 13 May 2010: I'm sorry to say that I think this is going no where for you. She just doesn't seem to have the same feelings for you. I don't even think it's the traditional "one has feelings while the other doesn't". Judging by her behavior with relationships ... (read in full...)
Losing hardness straight after
Q. This is a somewhat embaressing thing to ask/talk about. But this is the thing... I have been with my girlfriend for almost half a year. I am almost 18, she is 17. Ever since the first time we had sex together everything has been fine. But since ...
A. 13 May 2010: Most guys cannot get an erection immediately after ejaculating. Usually it takes about a half an hour to get it back up again. When you are younger and newer at sex you are a lot more excited and the potential for "being ready" quickly after ... (read in full...)
Should I wait for a guy who is crazy about me or see if the guy who isn't sure will figure out if I'm what he wants?
Q. Wondering if I should stay with my boyfriend. I'm 6 months pregnant. My boyfriend works out of town a lot. Last visit he came into town and on the second day said, "We need to talk". He says he loves me but isn't sure if he is in love with me. Sa...
A. 13 May 2010: Relationships go through cycles. All partners are "crazy" about their partner for a time, but love changes. It doesn't mean they stop loving you, it's just different. This is one of those cases where you shouldn't expect the "grass to be greener ... (read in full...)
How can I approach the girl I like when we do not even speak to each other?
Q. There is this girl that i know and i have interest in her but i don't know how to approach her since we are not communicating.pls help....
A. 13 May 2010: How do you know her? When do you see her? How often do you see her? Does she at least know you by name or does she not really know you exist? The more info you provide, the better we can help you approach her...... (read in full...)
One minute he is fine with me, and the next he turns incredibly shy!
Q. Why would a guy talks to you fine one minute and then not the next? I dont mean it as in a "player" way. but like one time we all go out he may say a few things to me, like just say something hes been doing etc(he wont talk a lot) and then the next ...
A. 13 May 2010: Guys can unexpectedly turn shy when they realize they have feelings for a girl. They may be friends for a while and everything can seem fine, but something changes and he sees her as more... then the shyness can kick in.
Do you have feelings... (read in full...)
Is this relationship I have with a 31 year old man wrong?
Q. I'm 16 and I've really only been attracted to older men (mostly teachers and other figures of relative authority, etc. I don't appreciate guys my age cause they're all terribly immature) and I love a guy who's 31 - that's 15 years older than me. I ...
A. 13 May 2010: In my experience, even though you may be mature for your age.... there is a much greater level of maturity and experience between a 31 year old and 16 year old. It is not unusual for you to become attracted to a man like him. Actually, it is quite ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend lied about her sexual past, what should I do?
Q. hey i dont know how to ask this but here goes ..... i have been with my girlfriend for some time and love every minute i am with her , i knew she has had sexual partners in the past one being her ex boyfriend and the other was a boy she was seeing a...
A. 12 May 2010: I think the poster is more upset with the fact that she lied more than her actual past. Sure, a guy doesn't necessarily like hearing about his girlfriend's past... but that's only natural in a relationship. But any relationship that could be ... (read in full...)
How can I win his heart back?
Q. Ok my ex broke up w me a few wks ago, because he said he didnt love me anymore. We were together for about 10 mths, im currently 7mths pregnant. We argued alot and broke up several times during our relationship but we really loved each other. ...
A. 11 May 2010: Winning his heart is one thing.... figuring out what the two of you have to do to stay together and not fight all of the time is another thing. One of the biggest problems with couples who fight constantly is neither wants to admit they are at ... (read in full...)
I had sex with a gay person, now my friend is making me feel afraid
Q. Hi, I know there are so many questions asking about this kind of thing already, but I would like to ask for some advice or comments anyway. I'm a female, 22 years old and now living in the UK. Right now I'm having a bit of trouble identifying my s...
A. 11 May 2010: Yes, the risk is no higher just because he is gay. There is risk having sex with anybody which is why you should always use protection.... (read in full...)
Caught wife in a car going down on another man, what to do?
Q. I was at a party this past weekend with my wife and in the middle of the party I lost my wife. When I tried to find her, she was nowhere to be found. Finally, I went out to chekc our car and she wasn't there. Ont eh way back I noticed a guy ...
A. 10 May 2010: Alcohol may let you let your guard down a little, but it doesn't make you do things you do not want to. To use alcohol as an excuse is stupid. To give you that excuse means she doesn't respect you. To do it in the first place means she doesn't ... (read in full...)
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