A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was in a long distance relationship and at this time I met another guy I had a crush on. Since it was just a crush, I never mentioned it to him and we became friends. The more we got to know each other, the more I realized he was recovering from a breakup he had and was still pining away for his previous girl. So I did what any friend would do or thought would do, I helped him recover from it. We spend time together and as time went by, we grew close. One day he confessed he had feelings for me and I scoffed at him telling him that it was just a rebound, and he would find another girl soon. But as the days passed, I realized that I had developed feelings for him, but never revealed it to him, thinking it was all because I was spending too much time with him.Soon after I got married and moved away. Initially my marriage had some problems as my husband was not whom I thought to be. We had temper problems, huge fights and bouts of weeping episodes.But then slowly I guess we either solved it or learned to adjust with it. During all this time I kept in touch with this other guy and we remained good friends, though most of the time he would broach the subject of his ex and how it depressed him still, but I still could not forget him. I tended to avoid him for a while but somehow he would always end up back in my life. Then one day I broke down and told him to stop contacting me as I still had feelings for him and didnt want to develop an affair. He replied that he always did have feelings for me and he only talked about his ex so i would react in some way. We developed an emotional connection over texting and I realized I was doing wrong when I started hiding messages from my husband. Though he and I had nothing sexual, we felt close. But i realized it was wrong and told him that I was going to stop all contact. He asked me not to, but I have stopped, however M not able to get over this sadness. Please help
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a break, affair, crush, depressed, his ex, long distance, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2013): Thank you all so much for your answers. I know what I need to work on is my marriage and I intend to do the same. Things dont look as depressing as it was a couple of days ago. Ya maybe, if history repeated, I would not have got married when I was in such a dilemma, but I would not have anyone else I would like to spend the rest of my life with.
Thank you guys for helping me out through this hard times!
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (28 August 2013):
 I agree if it has not been long, that the best and only thing that will help you get over it is time....
you did the right thing. I'm so sorry it hurts to do it.
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A
female
reader, Thetruthisugly  +, writes (28 August 2013):
 Here is a few questions and answer them honestly and if you don't then your only lying to yourself!! 1. If you weren't married would you marry your husband all over again?? 2. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with your husband?? 3. Do you want to start a family with your husband. If you answer no to all these questions then get out of your marriage and you will be doing your husband a favour to. As the old saying goes....sometimes its cruel to be kind!! If you answer yes to these questions then put all your time and effort into your marriage and forget the friend!!
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (28 August 2013):
 Hi, you cannot be true to your marriage and your husband as long as you have feelings for another guy. Have you wrote a list of pros and cons on both men and figured what about them attracts you.
When you realised you had feelings for this friend you should have put your wedding on hold. Also if you are consistently having fights with your husband and the friend is there to offer you a shoulder to cry, your husband will look worst and the friend more attractive.
You need to resolve rather than block what you feel or you will spend the rest of your life pining for the friend. Also remember marriage is an adjustment and it does start of with learning to live with someone that is in your space and does things that will irritate you but you work through it and try to make the marriage work.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2013): I coincide with Cmpp, affairs always start small and is just a thin line. what you did is not acceptable and I belive you should stop contact with your friend, to clise that page and move on with your marriage for the sake of it.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (28 August 2013):
If it hasn't been very long, you probably just need more time. It might also help if you started doing things with your husband that made you closer to each other.
Btw, I commend you on recognizing that you were crossing a line when you started hiding messages. Affairs always start small.
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