A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and i are 23 and live together, we've been together 4 years and have lived togther for 3 and a half years! We are happy but do argue evey now and then as couples do!We live about 30 mins away from his parents and friends so he sees them regularly, his best friend is a girl called sarah but they dont talk or see each other that often so you cant call them close!Sarah is going travelling next year and my boyfriend wants to meet her in australua for 3 weeks he suggested i come too but im not that keen on sarah. I know they arent romantically involved or attracted to each other but she can be quite selfish. I said im not happy with him going for 3 weeks because that leaves me on my own for 3 weeks and we are meant to be in a commited relationship and you dont do that sort of think when you live togther and have been together for 4 years! He cant seem to understand and thinks im being unreasonable i said im in a realtionship with you and want to explore australia with you at some point not with sarah but he suggested he go for 3 weeks with sarah then we go at another time together in the future (i feel like sloppy seconds) i want to explore new places together because thats what you do when your in a relationship not go travelling with your friend!! I suggested as a truce that we meet sarah for a week then travel aus together for the next two weeks but he said no we meet sarah for 2 weeks then go off together for 1 week! Am i being unreasonable?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (29 August 2013):
 So you suggested an option involving Sarah (1 week with her and 2 on your own together without her) to him going all alone with her.
he responds with 2 weeks with her and 1 week alone without her...
sounds like he's willing to not go ALONE
and he is willing to compromise.
I'd be flexible since his first response was 3 weeks alone with her.. now you are going too...
I want to travel but my hubby hates it... so i plan to go alone.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (29 August 2013):
 It would be a deal-breaker for me.
He wants to go to Australia for 3 weeks without you? With a friend he sees occasionally? Nope, doesn't sound right. You have meals with good friends, you go out with them, you call them on the phone. You may go off on a weekend trip with the 'girls' (if you are a female) or the guys (if you are a male). You don't leave your committed partner to go off with a 'good friend' of the opposite sex (if you are straight) or same sex (if you are gay) if you expect things to be the same when you get back.
I'd let him go off to Australia. I'd also be looking for a new place to live. Your guy isn't telling you the full story.
If he's getting all insistent about it and has a hissy fit then…. well, sorry. At least you haven't committed your entire life to him.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (28 August 2013):
 You have tried compromising by agreeing to just one week with Sarah and he said no. Does he understand why you don't like Sarah and how awkward it would be to spend time with someone you don't click with? It just makes me wonder a few things:
That he wants to take a breather from this relationship and just explore alone.
That he isn't too excited about exploring the world with you.
He's more interested in Sarah than Australia the country itself. If that's the case, going with you to Australia won't be that exciting.
Despite them not having anything involved, he kind of hopes that something happens, even if it's sweet-little-nothing mind games. Anyhow she's a fresher face than you and have more potential to develop something while your relationship had it a plateau already.
Living together for three years may mean that you are solid but it's not always an indicator that it's going to be long term. When this topic of vacation comes up it shows your priorities in life and on his side it doesn't sound like you are his priority. You are not unreasonable.
You don't even have to compromise, not even 1 week. Just stay where you are. If he insists on going by himself and disregard your feelings then you know his true self, and you really know where you stand in the relationship. If you feel like seconds in the trip you'd better not go at all.
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