A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I dated my ex for a little over six years before I'd had enough of his pessimism and serious lack of a sex drive (believe me, I tried everything to keep him happy and satisfied). Honestly, there wasn't a lot of give and take involved. Clearly, he was depressed and I was there for him through his worse days but then I realized those days would never actually be over. So we broke up and stayed relatively good friends.A year later, I met a fantastic bloke who is a few years older than us (I'm currently 25, he's 31) but positively amazing. So intelligent, hilarious, fantastic in bed, and he makes life a fun adventure and not just something you have to get through before you reach death. Well, after just six months, he proposed with the most beautiful ring and of course I said yes! We haven't set a date yet because it literally happened last week, but then my ex found out via Facebook. He's not exactly been harassing me but he's not making this pleasant. For either of us. I told him to piss off because he has no bearing on my decision making any longer and really, he should have thought about this possibility when I bloody broke up with him!My fiance knows all the shit going on with my ex and has typed him, actually, a very polite message letting him know how we will deal with things if he takes this any further. He answered the next day basically telling my fiance all the horrible things about me. I was so stressed about it that I blocked him off my Facebook.Then I saw my ex at the petrol station and I actually let him explain himself. His horrid behavior and why he was acting like such an ass. According to him, I'm the only woman who's ever been able to handle his bullshit (including his mother). I told him I did not feel flattered but rather, slightly trapped by that title. I deserve to be happy, dammit! He agreed but told me that he's a changed man. I want to believe him but I'm also very happy where I am in life. I shared six YEARS of my life with this guy. I somehow feel like I shouldn't just throw him away like rubbish.What do I do?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (27 August 2013):
 THROW HIM AWAY LIKE RUBBISH!
seriously.. you owe your ex NOTHING.
he's being manipulative because you are permitting it.
I was married to the father of my children... we dated 2 years nearly 3... we married... we had two children... we divorced... I was with him from 1979-1989 as a couple...
I left... I did not deserve the emotional turmoil. I have two children that I share with him but that does not mean I want to be with him or married to him.
time spent is not a reason to give more time.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (27 August 2013):
 It's OK to "throw him away." After all, you and he spent six years trying to make a partnership/life/relationship and didn't succeed.
Let your future-hubby have you unimpeded by that guy who couldn't/wouldn't be a suitable partner for you....
Good luck....
P.S. As far as "...According to him, I'm the only woman who's ever been able to handle his bullshit (including his mother)." is concerned, tell him to enlist a counselor/psychologist for this....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2013): "I shared six YEARS of my life with this guy. I somehow feel like I shouldn't just throw him away like rubbish."We also share 6-12 years in school, doesn't mean we take it with us going forward. It belongs to our past, the education we achieved, and we move on with fond memories of the good and bad ;-)So perhaps that is what you need to do. You were the best thing that ever happened for your ex, but he wasn't for you. He bogged you down, he didn't satisfy you in most areas and you moved on after being very patient for all those 6 years.Soon after, you found Mr Right, and it's YOUR time for HAPPINESS. You deserve it, it's your right, and it's your time to shine. Your ex is naturally jealous, threatened and unhappy to see you go and he knows he has lost you, permanently because you're getting married.It is unforgivable what he did via Facebook, slandering you, as you did not deserve that - for that alone, you should go no contact, otherwise he will go into the STALKER route.The chance encounter (I hope that's all it was) at the petrol station, he sounded like he realised his mistake, and would try to do better. Good. Give him one more chance if you have to see him anywhere, but don't re-open facebook or any other network site as you can't guarantee he will behave.You owe him nothing - you loved him, you gave him your best, he was not in a place to do the same for you, he had his time, his chance, his opportunity, it wasn't used and you are now gone and belong to someone else. Who you want to be with.So make sure you have let him know this, set the boundaries, be firm, and don't waver, otherwise he will be a thorn in your side forever. You gave him 6 good years, you learnt a lot from that, but now look towards the future with your fiance.Build a happy life together, wish your ex well, but he is like a very distant relative now who you love, but don't necessarily see or contact anymore.Good Luck and Be Happy!
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A
female
reader, Thetruthisugly +, writes (27 August 2013):
 Well done you getting out of that depressing, unhappy and wasting relationship!! Tell your ex to fuck off, you're not responsible for him, he will meet another girl and treat her the same he will never change. Concentrate on yourself be happy and the new guy sounds a dream!! Remember you have wasted six years with your ex and you will never get those years back.
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (27 August 2013):
 Hi, sounds like you still have feelings for the ex, read your last line again. The question is are you willing to risk losing this wonderful new guy over a possibly changed ex?
The reason he became your ex and why now when you finally meet someone that ex decides he is a changed man. Sometimes the past is best left in the past as you don't want to rehash the history you had that was painful and unhappy.
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