A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Engaged to be married but my fiancé reqlly would prefer we live together first but (1) I don't want to - i don't think it guarantees you anything and (2) n my state you can't with minor children (your ex can take your kids away). This saddens me because I know his concern is what will daily life be like for hum with 3 part time teenaged kids (shared custody with their father). Weve had long weekends together and it worked well. He doesn't have kids and he has zero experience with kids other than his experience during our 3 years of dating. They all get along but he worries. I translate this to say, he thinks my kids might possibly break us up. I'd like to sooth his fears, he already agrees that the two of us can work hru anything, it's just the unknown with the kids and how we all will live together that concerns him. Any advice from "no kid" of their own step parents?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 September 2013):
 I don't think you need to live together before marriage... folks survived for centuries without that bit of social anxiety... and I do not think that it's a viable option with minor kids in the house.
he is wise to worry kids are the biggest cause of marriage breakups in second and later marriages after money
if you have spent serious time together (weekends and such) and things go well... ALL HE HAS TO REMEMBER IS YOU ARE THE MOM and as such he can't let the kids play one off the other... he has to back you up 100% but you have to consult him on big issues before issuing a ruling...respect goes both ways.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2013): He has a good relationship with the kids, is just he's concerned about the day-to-day living with kids. Just wondering f there is anything we can do to help relieve some of his concerns of the unknown.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2013): I agree, he should have a relationship with them already and there's more to it then just getting along with the kids when it comes to living together. First off, if he isn't up for managing the kids, then that is your job to do regardless of who all is in the house even if that means entirely, just as I assume you already do now living on your own. This would be more of a matter of sharing your lives together completely If you become dependent, is he responsible for caring for all four of you? If you become lazy, will he have a messy house due to teenagers? These are things that would concern me as well when living with someone who has kids, though I have kids myself. I've stayed with people before, and though I have kids, I always make sure I'm a compliment to the home. He has to feel sure in that first and foremost. Still, it's weird that after so much time, he isn't accepting of your kids as part of the big picture.
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