A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating this guy for about a month now. As far as I know, we have been seeing each other exclusively. Things have been going well this far until my birthday yesterday. I had a birthday dinner with friends scheduled for the day before my birthday (Saturday night). My guy was supposed to be out of town for a wedding that he had already committed to before we started dating. He was scheduled to arrive back on the afternoon of my birthday. He called me from the airport to wish me a happy birthday but did not offer any plans on celebrating that evening. Mind you, I had already told him before hand that I would have liked to spend my birthday evening with him, since he was not able to celebrate with me before. Now I am really questioning how to handle this. Should I break things off with him? Am I overreacting/over thinking things?
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female
reader, llifton +, writes (26 September 2013):
 Maybe there was a misunderstanding as to whether or not you wanted to see him that night. Or maybe he didn't remember you'd said you wanted to see him. You've only been dating a month, so if it were me, I'd probably give it another shot. you're still a very young couple. Give it the benefit of the doubt.
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (23 September 2013):
 On the other hand I'm a repeat offender. I forget birthdays more often than I remember them. Fortunately my wife was able to overlook my shortcomings. I'm not sure your guy is in my category yet, after all he did call.
I guess what I'm trying to say is if this is a big deal to you, then one month in is an easy place to break up. Next year after he has bought the wrong gift for Christmas, forgotten valentines, and Mothers day, and he once again fails to celebrate your birthday, you will be much more emotionally invested in him and it will be harder to break up. Since you are giving him a second Chance maybe Valentines is a better time to draw the line.
I don't generally recommend trying to change your partner, but in this case you really are just trying to improve his etiquette, which could be seen as a public service. Keep reminding him, and your plan to tell him how you feel about the birthday is a good idea.
FA
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 September 2013):
 Overreaction. Youve dated one month. You dont know for sure you are exclusive. You only hinted towards celebrating with him. Why should he make plans, it was your birthay, not his. Even my bf of two years wouldnt dream to tell me how I should spend my birthay. Thats for me to decide, and I can invite him along. Its not for him to plan.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2013): I am the original poster. Thanks for the advice everyone. I was overreacting. I think I may have been overly sensitive since we don't get to see each other often because of work. I do think that I will at least mention that I was upset by not getting to spend my birthday with him, then leave it at that.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 September 2013):
 WAY over reacting...
he CALLED from the airport during his trip... trust me you are on his mind and important to him.
but traveling takes a lot out of some folks.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 September 2013):
 I think you are over reacting or jumping the gun a bit.
1. It's only been a month since you started dating.
2. He JUST got back home from a wedding. (He did call you though - he could easily have waited til the next day)
3. He might have planned to just chill after getting home, I know for me personally, a wedding can be exhausting even for the guests add the travel too and he probably was pretty tired.
4. He might not have known what kind of expectation you had for your birthday and since he really doesn't know you that well, maybe he thought it would be OK to "just" call.
It's ONLY been a month.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (23 September 2013):
 Yes, you're overreacting.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (23 September 2013):
 Happy Birthday! It was my birthday yesterday also. Didn't celebrate it except for a cake. There was also a poster who was alone on his birthday. Sounds like this a theme for 9/22 this year. Personally I don't take birthdays seriously.
I think you are overreacting. Feeling upset that's alright. I felt he should be more apologetic on the phone but maybe he's keeping it brief because he was in the airport? He was out of town and maybe hung over. There is still a chance for a belated dinner. You are still getting to know him.
Some people don't think they gift for birthdays until 6 months of knowing each other. Before I've had 50$ birthday dinner, and the cake paid after knowing a guy for one month.
See what he does after he comes back. Maybe he's not big on birthdays or maybe he is slow. It is a right attitude to honor that person on a birthday. If he doesn't see it like you do then maybe you are not compatible. Next would be thanksgiving and Christmas if it lasts this long you would see how he does it.
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