A
female
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*ackie69
writes:Hi I am 27 femaleand I have a dilemma...I was in a relationship with Andrew until last June we were together 3 years and had some great times.But... I got into financial difficulties and lost my farm and went through some quite bad depression as I felt a failure. Now Andrew didn't seem to understand how hurt I was by this and when shit bit fan he left me and said I was too much trouble n I lied because looked at jobs away and hasn't said. I never acted on moving away because I loved him so much!Anyway we both then got into new relationships by the November last year and we were hurt n said nasty things.He is no longer with her now.I am still with the guy I met in November and he loves me but something isn't right it lacks feeling on my side. I have tried to love him and move on but I feel so unfair when I'm thinking a bout Andrew.What should I do? Could it ever work bk with Andrew or should I forget it n give my new guy more chance?I'm so hurt by everything in my life- Andrew is now telling me after all this time he loves me and can't get over me. ?!
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female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (25 September 2013):
 This November guy is more like your rebound. You don't feel for him but want to. You shouldn't have started a new relationship knowing you love someone else.My advice: 1. Since Andrew bailed in the tough time you went through, why would you want to be with him? I can already tell that this guy is crap and won't hesitate to bail again should things get tough again. So i say forget about Andrew, he doesn't really love you and you know it. He is back, begging you and telling you that he loves you because things didn't work out with the girl he tried to replace you with. 2. November guy isn't someone you should be with either because you don't love him even though he may love you. This means that it's failing with the guy you tried to replace Andrew with. You owe it to this guy to leave him because what's the use being with someone that you don't love? You're wasting his time and Andrew is wasting yours.Leave both Andrew and his failed replacement because you're pleasing no one here. take time instead to focus on yourself and properly heal before grabbing onto the next guy that comes along. Leave these two guys behind and focus on yourself and work on yourself. When you are ready to move on and when you feel you've healed then and only then should you date again but until then don't enter any relationships because until you heal, none of them will mean anything or matter.Goodluck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2013): Your present relationship was made on the rebound.
You are now experiencing what happens when you grab the first person who comes along after a breakup. You tried to avoid the grief and pain of your loss, by latching on to a substitute boyfriend. You used him as a band-aid and a painkiller. Now there are no real feelings. Now you're going to hurt him. He was just a quick-fix.
End it, so he can start getting over you. It wasn't a long relationship; so the pain will not be comparable to your three-year breakup.
Allow yourself to go through the process of grief and detachment of your old relationship. This is best done alone; and no one has the power to take away the pain of loss. You cannot escape it as you're now realizing.
Any relationship you try to start will fail, until you go through the full range of emotions following a breakup.
You have to completely purge yourself psychologically of the past relationship. That is a painful process. You can't outrun it; because it's already happening. You're just stalling the process and suppressing the emotions. They will either overwhelm you or crush you.
Andrew isn't coming back, and you don't love the guy you're with. So you have to be an adult, and handle it like a woman. Continue pretending until he realizes something isn't right; and you seem too concerned about your ex. He will figure it out, and you will be nothing more than a fake. You can't hide your true feelings.
I don't have to place too much emphasis on my advice; because the outcome is certain. You're using someone to avoid your grief; yet it's creeping up on you. You'll collapse under the stress of fighting it off; and your present relationship will break under the pressure.
I wrote some articles that may help. Read them when you have time. I have some experience in what you're feeling.
Don't hold that poor guy emotional hostage; while you're grieving over your ex. It's selfish and unfair.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (24 September 2013):
 you broke up in june with Andrew and you did not give yourself time to heal and grieve that lost rather you jumped too quickly into a newer relationship that you were not ready to have.
I think that you need to be honest with the new guy that you are not over your ex and you need more time. HOw he wants to handle it is on him... He could hang out with you and wait for you to care more for him (not really fair if you don't think it will happen) or he could tell you to leave and let you find your way alone... which to be honest is the best thing for you.
i believe relationships end for a reason so I'd not go back and try to make it work with Andrew.
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