A
female
age
30-35,
*inkbunni3xz
writes:My boyfriend (5months) and I had a fight the other night. The exact details I can't even remember. Basically we were suppose to meet up on Thursday because we haven't seen each other for a few days so I was waiting to hear from him when he got home from work. What's been upsetting lately is that he always waits for me to initiate the hangouts or he won't let me know until last minute. I have already communicated to him couple times I would really like to make a time when we see each other next (night before or morning of) to be respectful of my time too.When I haven't heard from him that Thursday I was already pissed because I felt like he broke that agreement. I called him at 6pm when he was suppose to get off at 4pm to realize he stayed later. My anxiety and already built up and I asked him why he has t called.One thing led to another and our conversation got pretty heated. He raise his voice and showed annoyance so I said okay i don't want to talk anymore and hung up.It's been almost 3 days and he still hasn't called. My anxiety is building and building because I hate not knowing. Even if he just said be needed he space I would be way calmer than this. I don't want to call him because I don't want to be rejected again. I can't but to think this is his way of breaking up.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (23 September 2013):
 what i want to know is why you think this behavior is acceptable and you are thinking HE broke up with you... why are you taking this abuse?
why don't YOU break up with HIM and get on with your life..
he always waits for you to initiate (bad sign)
he only plans at the last minute (bad sign)
he sulks like a baby (THIRD bad sign)
do you want him to kill puppies and kittens before you label his behavior as bad?
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (23 September 2013):
All you can do now then, is to just wait and see when he decides to call you again.
The ball is now in his court.
And so the next action needs to come from him.
And so just give him some space, no matter how long that ends up being.
And don't give in.
There is another possibility here.
If he loses his cool very quickly over something very trivial, it could be that there may be some other stressful situations going on in his life.
Like, does he owe money?
Or, does he gamble? And maybe if he does, he might be in a bit of debt.
This would certainly make anyone on edge.
Just something I thought was worth mentioning.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2013): Surely, if you chase this guy, you will fuel his behavior and encourage him to pull these things over and over. Though he may have felt attacked, though he earned it, this isn't a healthy way for him to solve his problems. He seems to have an issue with being confronted and avoids this sort of situation by running away and perhaps even waiting for you to chase him instead. It's hard to change this in a person, though not impossible like some people say. If he's not willing to try and solve issues, such as this petty one, in a more effective manner, you can't do anything about it and can either deal with it or let him go.
If you let him go and he comes back, he's yours.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2013): You can see that this behaviour is not on right?? For a 30 year old??? Like gentle giant said it's childlike at BEST. At worst it's manipulative, uncaring and cruel. The fact that you're also doing all the chasing and he's just distant and throwing strops just screams out to me that he's not relationship material... He makes no effort to make you feel wanted or valued, he stopped contacting you far an argument you can't even remember?? Not the most touching romantic story... He knows that by not contacting you him for days after a stupid disagreement, is going to make you feel very anxious, distressed and upset... He's happy to do that to you! Not the nicest, most caring guy out there... Do you want to be with someone like that?? Would you treat someone you cared about like that?? He sounds like a chore that really is NOT worth the time or effort. Guessing he knows the definition of a relationship...so He's emotionally stunted to give you the devotion you deserve. Some are saying try and resolve this... But I really don't think I would want to be in a "relationship" with a guy who shows me so little care and respect. I would have ended it full stop. And hey, it's better you found out early what a melt he is, rather than a couple years down the line! Take care xxx
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A
female
reader, pinkbunni3xz +, writes (22 September 2013):
pinkbunni3xz is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys. I don't think he's breaking up because now that I think about it he has pulled the disappearing act before. Sad to say but he's 30 already even though he acts like he's 3. One time we were at the mall and had an argument and he just walked out handed my stuff from his call and drove off without saying a single thing. Good thing I drove my car that day too or else that woulda sucked.
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A
male
reader, GentleGiant +, writes (22 September 2013):
Excuse me how old is your boyfriend? I acted like this when i was sixteen and dating my first girl. That was a common thing back then. Not that far back i am only a couple years older than your boyfriend. Let me tell you a couple things here. I have learned to engage and diffuse situations because that is the nature of my job and i naturally take those tools with me into my personal life. I have had a few fights with my girl-friend but we i should say i never let it get to the point of saying i got nothing more to say or giving my honey shit for something that is not really big to begin with. But in any relationship things will strain it and one of the big items is time commitments next to trust. One of the biggest issues brought up on on line dating sites is time and being on it and meeting somebody at a specific time and doing something at or on a time line. This is a big bitch and after being in a monogamous relationship with my girlfriend going on three years this is super big. I screwed up only once about meeting time lines and was in the dog house for it. No matter what our differences and dis agreements have been i have never used not showing up or not calling when i am upset with my sweetheart. This is child like at best. And ultimately at the end both people in the relationship suffer. But today i find that through engaging and open communication most differences can easily be resolved. There cant be nothing that serious or horrible that cant be resolved. Yes you can be upset with him and he with you. But if you have anything of substance in your relationship you know you both have to forgive each other and move forward. And i believe if your relationship blossoms you both will get to know each other and find out what you do not do to each other. And if you get that far or that far into it and he has broken the relationship rule between the two of you then there will be consequences. Relationships are about love and sharing and being happy you do not need to be acting like young teens. The world is stressful enough without your boyfriend playing head games with you. Do not worry he will probably call soon enough. But the next question is what are you going to do to prevent this from reoccurring between the two of you? And you will both have to sit down and address that. Good-luck, there is a solution. Communicate,listen, forgive and then resolve the problem. And if he cannot then you better show him the door. Sorry the day of the neanderthal man is gone..
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (22 September 2013):
Hi there. It seems very unlikely that after 5 months of already dating this man, that he would simply call it quits, just because you had a minor disagreement.
It seems way too trivial to end it over something so simple.
Perhaps the argument was mainly over your disappointment that you didn't hear from him when you expected him to call you, and you might have got a bit sarcastic with him and picked on him a bit, and so he was a bit offended and got upset over it as well.
It seems now, that it is up to him to call you.
And let him cool off a bit, by giving him some space.
I think he seems to need it.
No matter how frustrating it is for you, it would be wise to let him get back in contact with you - no matter how long it takes.
Even if it gets to be a week or two, still wait.
Even if it is longer, still DON'T call him.
And once that has been settled, you can change how you organize your time together.
And regards working out what to do on the weekend, why not get some ideas during the week when you are not seeing him.
You could have a think about what you might be interested in doing - such as:-
(1) A picnic (if the weather is nice).
(2) Going out for a coffee.
(3) Going out to dinner (not too expensive a restaurant).
(4) Going to see a movie.
(5) Going for a short drive to the country.
Anything that interests you.
And when you see him again, you can talk over your ideas with him and come to some mutual agreement.
And also, he could come up with some ideas of his own for the weekend, and you could discuss his ideas and yours and see what you come up with.
It's a start.
Someone needs to make a decision, and so with a few fresh ideas, this process should be a lot easier.
When you hear from him again, stay calm and don't get angry with him - it's not worth it.
And when HE calls you, just talk as if you never had that tiff the other night.
Act normal, and just ask how he's been.
And see how it goes.
At the moment, he just needs some time - so give him that time.
The next move, needs to come from him.
And just make yourself busy in the meantime, and see your friends and go out and have fun.
It will help to distract you from feeling worried and stressed out.
And then if he calls you and you are OUT, well then he knows he can't take you for granted.
This might do him some good.
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