A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Should I be jealous if my boyfriend commented on one of his FB friend's picture and told her she looked gorgeous? I happen to see that once because it appeared on my wall and I've seen do that a few times and maybe more that I don't know about. Is that something that is ok? I feel a little awkward when he's complimenting another woman on her looks.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2013): If you see a male friend really dressed up smart, would you say, hey! you look shit? no you would'nt.
He has paid a compliment to another woman, could this be a man with really good manners (that you are lucky enough to have). You could do with remembering he compliments OPEN on FB, not like those sly underhanded cloak and dagger doublecrossing squirms who do everything behind your back.
A
female
reader, Sweetheartxo  +, writes (20 September 2013):
I agree with one of the users here, only be concerned if she's wearing next to nothing and he's only interested on commenting on her assets if you know what i mean. You have to stop taking these things too seriously and learn to love yourself, if you trust him enough you know that this is only minor, yeah he may call some girl gorgeous but he thinks you're STUNNING.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 September 2013):
 I don't think that it's a problem to be honest... men who are taken/partnered/married are NOT dead...
I can say a guy looks hot and not undermine how I feel about my husband. He can say another woman is gorgeous and it does not mean that I'm not either.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (19 September 2013):
You can feel whatever you want to feel. But, if his intentions are innocent and you try to make him feel bad for it you'll be weakening your relationship when you should be putting your efforts toward strengthening it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2013): His choice of word means he was simply complimenting a friend. Now, if he had used the words "hot" or sexy", and she had been wearing next to nothing, that would be another story. If it was just a normal photo, I wouldn't put too much thought into it.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (19 September 2013):
You can feel whatever you want to feel. But, if his intentions are innocent and you try to make him feel bad for it you'll be weakening your relationship when you should be putting your efforts toward strengthening it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2013): As if women don't harbor enough insecurities when it comes to men, using social media only adds to the problem. Some men just don't have the social graces of knowing what is appropriate and what isn't.
They forget their social media communications are monitored for "cheating," and often make stupid comments like your boyfriend. It doesn't matter that he isn't cheating, or doesn't have a history of it. He's supposed to be deaf, dumb, and blind when it comes to other females. Telling women they're "gorgeous" doesn't mean he is capable of cheating. He is capable of being stupid, and he's a big flirt.
Asking if you should be jealous isn't going to stop you from feeling jealous. In fact, any attention your boyfriend gives to other females in any form will make you jealous, if you are insecure.
There isn't much to say to insecure people who are jealous in nature. They require around the clock reassurance and often destroy their relationships; and blame their partner for their own unresolved issues.
Flirting is harmless, and you do it even when you're unaware you're doing it. If a very handsome guy pays you a compliment and you blush, you're flirting. If a good-looking guy smiles at you, and you return the smile, he considers that flirting back.
Should your boyfriend pack his bags and move out, if he catches you?
I often say, insecurity kills relationships.
If you were a teen or in your early twenties, I would give you benefit of the doubt for being inexperienced and just getting your bearings in the adult-world. You can dismiss insecurity at a young age, to just being in a phase of your early-development.
When you're a mature woman, and you haven't learned to love and appreciate how unique and wonderful you are by your own merit; then no one is to blame but you.
However; every male you'll have relationships with has to pretend he doesn't see pretty women to appease your sensitivities and insecurities. That will eventually erode your relationship, and he will eventually sicken of it.
Personally; I don't excuse other people's insecurities, and I deal with my own. Everyone gets jealous. It's a natural human emotion. You just have to know when to keep it in check. If it is always present; then you have a problem. It's a matter of low self-esteem and a deficiency in self-confidence. That can be fixed.
Most people put the responsibility on other people to reassure them, and cater to their weaknesses; by telling them it's okay, and they love them regardless. That's bull-crap.
What is even more annoying about it, is if they do catch them cheating, they don't kick them to the curb. They just whine and complain like that will make any difference. They cling to him for dear life, hoping bitching and moaning will change him. Dump his ass, and replace him. Don't expect to find one that doesn't flirt. Unless he's blind, or has mental deficiencies. It's a primitive form of human interaction. It ranges in degree and how it's done.
You have to realize that adulthood and maturity requires that we have to have it on the ball. That we have to be fit to guide and mentor younger people, be role models, and set positive examples for our youth. Insecure moms and dads raise insecure children. No one looks up to whiners, they feel sorry for them. They have less respect for them.
Feeling less beautiful; because your man sees it in a picture of another lady doesn't make sense. It's childish.
I refuse to dismiss insecurity. We all have faults, flaws, and weaknesses. There will always be smarter, prettier, richer, more successful people than ourselves. I have my own place in this world, and I'm as good as anyone else.
So are you good lady!
I expect other women to come to your defense, but not stronger secure women. They simply don't let men walk all over their feelings; because they don't need men to validate them in anyway. They don't tolerate cheating; but they don't waste a lot of time worrying if they measure up to everything he thinks he wants in a woman.
They know their own value within a relationship; and his loss is a better man's gain. For every women he's checking out, another guy is checking her out. Most men flirt, it's the nature of the beast. He doesn't want every woman he thinks is hot; because he knows he already has one. He's lusting in his heart; but he can't have everything he sees or flirts with. You know that.
Some ladies don't find being called a "cougar" unflattering.
They don't think men hold the patent on flirtation, and objectifying what they consider a hottie. They don't care what men think. We can kiss their butts. They're done with the games and the gender-role bullshit. I admire those women. They'll die happy and secure. They fix what they can, and accept what they can't. If they want a guy half their age, they'll get him. Raise an eyebrow if you like,
she's having fun until gravity, or death, takes its toll.
I'm not going to say you don't have a right to feel insulted by his blatant flirting in public media. Tell him it insults or embarrasses you; but don't be jealous. There are boundaries that shouldn't be crossed as far as "respect."
Jealousy shouldn't be the reason you assert your rights.
Sorry, if I come across too hard. I'm the same way with my own sisters and the other women I care about. It's for your own good. I mean well.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2013): On its own it's not enough, OP. I 'like' pretty much any photo friends of mine post on Facebook that involves them looking good, or putting in the effort to look good.
If it's an abnormal effort and they're wearing a formal dress or suit then I will comment and tell them how great they look.
It's just politeness OP and you'd really need more to go on. Like him specifically targeting one woman and no one else, or him calling them sexy in bikini pictures.
OP any time my mother or sister get a new hair cut or dress up to go on a night out I compliment them and tell them they're gorgeous. I do the same for my wife and I do the same for female friends. It's just a compliment to make them feel good, people like compliments and it's one tiny gesture that really can make someone feel like their efforts are appreciated. No big deal, you really need more than that to go on.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 September 2013):
 I think Auntie Bim is right, there is nothing wrong in calling a friend calling a friend gorgeous.
He did put that comment on there to hurt you, he did it to make HER feel good about herself. A little ego boost.
Now he "could" have called her sexy or something that is inappropriate, he didn't - he just gave her a compliment.
He didn't go blond when he started to date you, so he is allowed to notice other women. Now if he starts pointing them out and telling you you should look like them, it would be inappropriate and just pure mean.
So relax. And try not to make everything he does out to be a secret message you need to decrypt.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (19 September 2013):
I think it really depends on the type of guy he is. If he's a guy that tends to compliment women who are friends of his when they look nice, then it could be pretty normal. If he's a flirtatious kind of guy that likes to flirt with other women, I can understand the jealousy and insecurity.
It's okay to think someone is aesthetically pleasing, but is it really necessary to comment on it? Then again, if I had a guy friend that looked really handsome in a photo, I'd probably tell him he looks "really handsome." Not because I want him, but because he might look kinda "meh" most of the time and cleans up well.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (19 September 2013):
 How do you feel if he comments on the negatives about other people, that guy has the biggest nose I ever saw, that girl's torso is too short for her legs, the woman over there has a face that would stop a bus?
You say it makes you feel awkward when he compliments another woman on her looks, eh? what about his family members, sisters, mother, grandma, female cousins? Does that make you feel awkward too or is it only when it is certain women of a certain age range?
I suspect it is your own insecurities making you feel awkward, there is nothing wrong with a friend complimenting another friend, maybe she does look gorgeous, maybe her self esteem also needs boosting, its not as if he is hiding his behaviour, when he starts going behind your back will be the time to worry.
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