A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 months. I've been with many guys before him and I know this sounds dumb but nobody else gave me this feeling of satisfaction and love that I get from being with him. This relationship feels different from every other one that I've been in. This time it just feels right. He is an honest and kind guy who is loyal and good to his friends. He's dated girls before me but I'm his first kiss, first real girlfriend, and the first girl he's ever said "I love you" to. We disagree sometimes but it's always resolved quickly and we're always laughing together. He doesn't flirt with other girls and if a girl flirts with him he turns them down straight away. He isn't over the top romantic (that's just the way he is) but one time he actually told me that he sometimes imagines spending his life with me.But everywhere I turn, I hear people saying that most men cannot be monogamous, faithful, or satisfied by just one woman. A lot of people say that "it's just the way they're wired". It's really getting to me and making me feel discouraged and depressed. I would never cheat on him or hurt him and that's what I want in return. And even though he has never lied to me or been unfaithful, the way people talk about men makes it seem like it's inevitable that he will not be satisfied by me anymore one day. I am really scared of being cheated on someday or him telling me that I no longer satisfy him or telling me that he doesn't want to only sleep with the same one person. I feel like if what I'm hearing is true, if men just can't naturally be monogamous, then there isn't even a point in me getting my hopes up or even trying. Is what I'm hearing true? Can somebody tell me something to prove me wrong? This is really making me discouraged. Thank you
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 December 2013):
 Let me tell you a story...
my mother met my father on a blind date when she was 16.
she married him when she was 19
25 years pass... no cheating.. no lying, nothing bad..
he had a brief affair. TWENTY FIVE years into a marriage and nearly 30 years after they met.
if my mother had sat around all those years worrying about something that MIGHT happen she would have lost all the joy of the day to day living she had with my father....
btw she forgave him... and they spent the rest of their lives together and she died in his arms and he cried like a baby. She was his life.
The key is you can't worry about what MIGHT happen. You can only live in the here and now.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2013): Some men can be monogamous! That is excluding porn and having glances of course, but hey some guys don't even do that either.
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A
female
reader, agneeman  +, writes (23 December 2013):
 What you fear you create.
PS:
I LOVE Fatherlyadvice's post
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (23 December 2013):
I would like to offer something different. People love to complain. No matter the media, we will always be forced to read or hear about negativity. I think the people that are happy, are too busy being happy and don't have the time to share their passions.
Although if we decide to look for positivity, we will certainly find. If I look at your relationship, it is a great example for positivity. Do not create problems for yourself that do not exist.
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A
male
reader, Xearo +, writes (23 December 2013):
I would like to offer something different. People love to complain. No matter the media, we will always be forced to read or hear about negativity. I think the people that are happy, are too busy being happy and don't have the time to share their passions.
Although if we decide to look for positivity, we will certainly find. If I look at your relationship, it is a great example for positivity. Do not create problems for yourself that do not exist.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (23 December 2013):
 Dear disturbed,
You ask, "Can somebody tell me something to prove me wrong?"
Sure lets get down to the facts and ignore the propaganda. I'm going to suffer for this post, so I hope you at least read all of it.
One of the statistics that you are likely to hear is that over 50% of all marriages end in divorce. While this is true it is some what misleading and doesn't apply to your situation. What you need to know is the statistics for first marriages. The chances are much better. In fact the higher number of marriages the more likely it is to end in divorce. So fifth marriages have a high percentage of divorces, while second marriages are much lower. But it is not a gamble. You are not rolling the dice. Marriages succeed or fail due to many factors and not just because the dice fell the wrong way.
Statistics can be misleading because they generalize. if we take a small sample we might find different results. I have 8 siblings making a total with me of 9. We have all been married 2 have been divorced. That is a percentage of just over 20%. My Dad had 6 siblings, all married one divorced. That is around 14% or well under the national average. Statistics from your boyfriends family would be a much better indicator for you.
Enough of that now lets get down to the theory that men are biologically programed to wander. Marriage is a relatively new convention the proponents of this theory say. Some where in the 7-10 thousand year range. That is a heck of a long time in my book and by and large society has prospered under the marriage tradition. A coworker of mine once loudly claimed that all men are cheaters, (echoing the stories you are hearing). Let's take a look at the logic behind that claim. If all men cheat, who are they cheating with? There are 3 possible answers either there are a few women who like to be used by married men, or men are a lot more bi-sexual that statistics are telling us, or there are a lot of women cheating with them.
The #1 advice you need this week end is that generalizations will not help you achieve your goal. You are a smart and cautious girl who has experience. You have checked this guy out and it looks pretty good to you. So keep doing the right / smart things. Build the relationship. Keep it on solid footing. Trust each other and communicate frequently. A successful long term relationship takes work.
On the light side, I too was put off by the title. I wanted to reply with an equally cynical generalization. Something like "If women can't be understood, why should we even try?" Which point Sage has already made quite well.
Best of luck in the new year!
FA
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (22 December 2013):
 Reproductive history would tell you that women are not wired to be monogamous as well. That is why in many countries women's freedom is restricted. It's just that when men are promiscuous they are high fived but when women do it they get labeled as sluts. For a woman to fight for her rights also mean that only selected men are open minded to deal with her, or she has to be selective about the man she picks if she doesn't want to deal with his jealousy issues.
Marriage was recent according to human history, so it's not something we try against all odds. We had been coerced into it all along, for financial purposes. You are somewhat in the right track here, but you still have to get the facts from both sides.
Still, do your part because you are in it already. If it doesn't work out, (it could be you who feel bored in the future) it's not the end of the world and you find other things in life rather than relationships to make you happy.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (22 December 2013):
 When I was a kid, I had a paper route. I had always been told that Golden Retrievers were terrific, gentle and loving dogs.... so I didn't hesitate to try to pet one of my customer's Golden. And, the damn thing BIT ME!!!!
You can't always take generalizations as gospel.....
Good luck....
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2013): i my self am exactlty like the person you are talking about sounds like youre the one for him, most ov the time guys like us finish last which is sad really
this person would give you there heart
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I didn't give this post a title and chose just to let the mods write a title for me....but now I realize how misleading the title sounds. I truly mean no offense to men and I didn't pick the title haha...
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