A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Last night my husband admitted to me he was gay. He said he didn't want to have these feelings and won't follow up on them, he wants to stay married to me and have sex with me. He said he does like women, but only certain select women, has never had any relationships with men ever, and tried to avoid the issue in his life. He said he refused to even have an affair with another man as 'there are lines that can't be crossed in a relationship or marriage' and his attraction to men was only emotional not sexual; with women it was both. Doesnt that, by default, make him bi-sexual?We've known each other since I was 19 and he was 23; I'm 34 and he's 38. I love him and he's told me he loved me.He's a good friend, we dated for 4 years prior to marrying and he's well-liked by everyone.I feel stunned by his confession. I don't know what to do, divorce or stay??He seems to want us to stay; but I'm in two minds as to how to cope. He may say this now, but what if he DOES go off with a man later, after all, they say, we never know what the future holds.If you were in my situation what would you do?I'd appreciate help on dealing with this.
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female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (24 December 2013):
Ok I'm confused.....he tells you he is gay but he isn't really??!??
I think your husband is telling what he is buidling for his future. You can't change who you are.
I think you need to get some serious help. He needs counselling to figure out his true happiness. You need counselling as a couple to figure out your future. That future of whether you are together or not. Please do not have children with this man, your husband. I won't want more people - little people - in this mix.
Good Luck!
A
male
reader, BrownWolf +, writes (23 December 2013):
First thing you do...thank him for his confession...that took a lot. Second...clear your mind of doubt and guilt..third...Put your love into beast mode...show him what you can that no man can ever give him. You are woman...and no one man, woman or beast, will take what you have so easily.
The word "gay" means happy...make him happy...really happy :)
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A
female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (23 December 2013):
 Im at a lost about if he never been with any men how does he know if he likes them or not that doesnt add up really. But moving on to the issue of marriage or divorce or waiting it out. To me it would be best to work on what you have now and focus on that. If you have any doubts dont be with him. If he is bisexual he is just bisexual. I wouldn't see a problems. Its no difference if it was a lesbian women who still sleep with men claiming to be only lesbian when in fact she is bisexual. If someone wants to be with you it doesnt matter about gender or sexual preferences there going to be with you lol one way or the other.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 December 2013):
 I think he is BI as well, but unsure of his emotions. I DO think you two need to sit down and talk about this and how it will affect the BOTH of you.
You are worried he will go off with a man down the line, honestly he could as easily go off with another woman, right? So that fear you need to put away and from what he said he seems to have rather solid morals.
I think some kind of marriage counseling might not be a bad thing.
Again, it all comes down to how well the two of you communicate.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 December 2013):
 I agree with CIAR... no rush on this
If i was in your situation I'd ask my husband if he wants to go to counseling for himself and as a couple. And for you alone also to help you cope with this bombshell.
If he says he wants to stay married and he feels emotionally attached to men but not sexually it sounds to me like he's not planning on living a gay lifestyle or a bi-sexual one.
You can't worry about what MIGHT happen in the future... only what's currently going on.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (23 December 2013):
 If I were in your situation I wouldn't be in any rush to make a decision either way. There is no deadline here. This is not time sensitive information.
If you've enjoyed a good marriage thus far and your husband is also your friend, then I say continue living your lives together and see what the future holds. Don't pressure yourself to make a big permanent choice now based on a future maybe.
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