A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have married for almost seven years, I am not a young person and this is my second marriage. But I have been having with over bearing inlaws since day one. At first it was just little comments from my father In law about things I might do around the house or bring up my wife's old boy friends ect. But it has gone from that to them trying to talk her into leaving me or tAke a break so to speak. We had a issue that lead to me finally telling my wife that we either talk to her parents and tell them to back off or I was leaving. We have had our problems but nothing serious and most of our arguments have been about her parents and more often than not her dad. The straw that took it over the top was our furnace went out in part of the house I called the repair man out and had him started repairing it her dad turned around and called the repair man and had him go another route and didn't even talk to me about it I didn't find out about it til I called to find out whT was going on and was told that it would be another day before they would be out because of the change. We talked to her mom and dad and thought we had it straight that we didn't want anymore interference and a week later my wife's brother calls and picks up where her dad left off, I am to appoint of walking away I am not sure what to do can any one give me some advice?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2013): It would appear the best option for you to focus on your marriage is to surely move right away from the area and start fresh. Can you get a job a long way away and then tell your wife it is an opportunity you cannot miss out on - the choice is hers.... That way your in laws cannot physically interfere in this way. No adult relationship is worth being forced to live like a little boy being told how to live your life. It's time to man-up and show everyone who is boss. Ultimatum time - yes. Your wife is either with you or not.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo they do not own our home. But we live in a small town and my father in law knows every one so he pretty much does what he wants and every one says ah that's just give way he is
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 December 2013):
 What does your wife say about these things.
IF my father had the audacity to attempt to run MY HOME and undermine MY SPOUSE, my father would be told to BACK OFF by ME.
IF your wife goes to her mommy and daddy and seeks their help and guidance then I fear you are still second to her parents and will be until they die... which if your age is correct is about 10-15 years down the road at most...
How did her parents even know about your furnace issues and what gave them the right to authorize repairs...do they own your home?
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (26 December 2013):
 What is your wife's feeling on this, is she happy to have her father and brother interfering in your lives as they are, or is she with you and not happy with their interference?
Is she is aware you are considering walking away from this marriage of many people, you, your wife, her father and her brother?
If she is then she needs to agree she doesn't talk about what's going on in your house to her family members, it will take a little time for her to get out of the habit, and she will also need to tell them to butt out.
In future you may need to talk to repair people, tell them you are the person employing them to do a job, and if anybody else, such as your father in law or brother in law, try to interfere ask the repair guy to refer them back to you.
Tell your wife you will not accept any interference in how things are done from here on in. Be as firm as you need to be.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2013): The centre of this issue is your wife. In a marriage you work as a team and it seems she is allowing her family to undermine you personally and your marriage. I had this for years with my ex husbands parents. It never improved as he did not stand up for me and it had a devastating effect on my sense of esteem/worth. You have three options. You call time on it and remove yourself from their lives (not your wifes) which means you regain your control. You give your wife an ultimatum that she speaks to them and this rubbish stops right now. You leave. Personally I would remove yourself from their orbit but keep your marriage....for now. Avoid family situations or conversations. What they don't know about you or your life means they cannot undermine it (unless your wife is fuelling them). It takes their power over you away. Sometimes by taking a quiet but very strong step out of something things become clearer.Without their drama you can make a decision about your marriage.
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