A
female
age
26-29,
*irlinlovewithgirl
writes:I am dating this girl through internet about six months officially, but more than a year on total. I am a 18 yr old virgin. I am fatty, never had a "real" relationship. My mom humiliates me all the time saying things like "loose weight you'll never be happy" 'you think you're happy'' ''look how people look at you''. She says that my OCD is actually because of my LDR. I was diagnosed with OCD after several manias, the newest one was when I almost killed myself because of the doubt '''do you love your gf?'', even knowing I do, the questions popped on my head. this is almost solved, except that my mom's words are echoing inside of me. she said I only have LDR because I am a failure in real life. I love my girlfriend, I don't want anybody else, but I am afraid to lose weight, that this my change my personality and my love for my girlfriend by getting interested in someone else. My only desire is to be hotter for my gf, I really don't care so much for being fat. I wonder if I only love her because of my '''''real life loneliness''''as my mom says or if my love will change when I lose weight.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (23 December 2013):
 your mom would be wrong about guys not wanting bigger girls.
I have been 300 pound (size 26 american) and now I'm about a size 12
my personality did not change... but I did find that I no longer was willing to take abuse from folks like your mother heaps on you.
do not lose weight to please your mom (you think she's upset now wait till she finds out your gay) do not lose weight for your GF... lose weight to take care of yourself.
as for the LDR...are you and the GF close enough to meet in real life and have a real relationship? if so, then make that happen... if not then yes you may be hiding behind an LDR that can never be more than it is.
A
female
reader, girlinlovewithgirl +, writes (23 December 2013):
girlinlovewithgirl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for you answer. I am afraid I will loose my personality, who I am now or the girl I love if I loose weight. As my mom keeps saying, its just because I am a failure in real life. I didn't used to think so, but she keeps saying things like this. She thinks that only skinny girls are loved or something, that a nice guy (she doesn't know i am gay) would not pay attention on me because of my weight
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A
female
reader, sleepingbeauty +, writes (23 December 2013):
Hi there,
I am sad to hear that you have to intake so much verbal abuse from your mother. I hope you know that you deserve much better than that.
Perhaps I'm misunderstanding your logic for not wanting to lose weight--are you wanting to stay overweight so that you can maintain a low self esteem and not desire another person??
Your goal to lose weight should NEVER be for someone else--it should ALWAYS be about yourself and wanting to achieve the healthy lifestyle your body craves.
If you have an opportunity to clear your body, I suggest you do it because it will not only give you a healthy body but it will give you a healthy mind, and soul. This is only the beginning of what could be your path to happiness.
Perhaps you just need to begin with informing yourself and becoming educated on the topic. There are many resources online and on Netflix--in fact I just watched a documentary tonight that was incredible about food. Avoid google searches that say, "diet." BECAUSE IT WON'T WORK!!!
I don't take my advice lightheartedly. I've lived in your shoes for all of my youth and when I decided to make better decisions, I changed and I feel at peace with myself.
I'm sorry I couldn't offer advice on your situation with your online girlfriend, I think you need to focus on yourself first.
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