A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am 20 years old and have been in a relationship with this guy for nearly 4 /2 years, I dont know if I feel the same about him like I used to, sex doesn't work anymore and I feel as though the spark has gone. However a few months back I got drunk and stuff happened with me and his brother, we have kept it a secret as he was drunk aswell and doesn't remember much but I have had strong feelings for him for over a year. I know I'm a horrible person for what I have done but my partner cheated on me in the past too. Is this even possible to love two people. I mean I don't know if his brother likes me. Should I speak to the brother or should I end things with m guy I'm scared and can't really talk to anyone about this, I don't want to cause problems between them as they have such a good bond, and I don't want to hurt my guy but I dont know how much more I can take before I say something to someone, please help me, I really don't know what I should do ???.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (9 April 2014):
 I can't improve on what Honeypie said.
end your relationship with the boyfriend
DO NOT speak to the brother (and don't mention it to the boyfriend leave it to the brothers to work it out)
and just because your bf cheated on you in the past does NOT mean you have the right or need to do the same thing...
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 April 2014):
 Yes, you should end the relationship and NO you should talk to the brother about this.
It's not like the brother can actually date you, I mean come on how do you think your now-BF would feel? His family, all your friends? Cheating with someone is RARELY a good way to start a new relationship.
And honey, two wrongs don't make a right. Your now-BF cheating on you doesn't make it OK in any way shape or form for YOU to cheat, and with his brother no less?
End it with your now-bf & take some time off from dating.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (7 April 2014):
 I think this situation you put yourself in is a sign that the relationship with your longterm boyfriend has run its course. Part of the reason you cheated on your boyfriend with his brother was in retaliation for your boyfriend's prior cheating. Obviously, as you've started to realize, the likelihood that you will be able to move on from one brother to the other in a way that keeps you all happy and content is absolutely nil.
I would end the relationship and start fresh. I would also assume that at some point the brother will tell your ex-boyfriend that you did 'stuff' with him. It'll be put in a way that makes you out to be the aggressor, and the one who will get the blame. It's easier to break up with a girlfriend than end a relationship with a brother. Prepare for that.
You could try to head that off by telling your boyfriend yourself but I just don't see that will help you much. If you are a "horrible person" for doing this, so is his brother.
I think your subconscious took drastic action to make sure you ended the relationship with the guy who has cheated on you, with whom you have no spark and no sexual interest in any longer.
If you do things you regret after drinking often, then that's a sign you have a drinking problem. You'd be doing yourself a huge favor for your future happiness if you took steps to address that now too.
Good luck and make smarter choices in the future. You can move on from this if you learn from it.
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A
female
reader, Sensible Alice  +, writes (7 April 2014):
 Definitely end it with your current guy. You've come to the stage where what has been there is no longer there. I hate to sound unkind, but it does not seem to me that you love him. As for what happened with his brother, it might be wise to leave that in the past too. I don't think anyone in his family would think highly of either of you if the truth were to come out and if you are considering him as a 'boyfriend', I think you'd find it extremely difficult to be accepted into the family, not to mention the issues it would cause between the two brothers. The most noble thing for you would be to break things off with your boyfriend. The relationship has run it's course. It's up to you whether you tell him of the incident with his brother, but if you are breaking up and walking away, is there any point in causing further hurt?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2014): Whoa! Babe, cheating on your partner is never right, you can't justify this by saying he did it to you in the past, no, you're both wrong. And drunkenness is not a justification either.
If you're not happy with your boyfriend, which you're clearly not from the fact that your sex etc isn't working anymore, get out of there, stop leading him on and break it off because it's not fair to him.
And as for the brother thing, that's not a good idea, you're getting into some tricky and disturbing waters there. If your current boyfriend likes you then dating his brother is going to cause way more problems than it will solve. Think about what you're doing! You're justifying cheating on someone and you're contemplating dating his brother. What are you thinking?
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