A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi thereI had a female friend whom I shared alot of things with!We were only platonic and we knew it since day one!Then,one day I felt she's pushing for it to be more than platonic and I told her she's a great girl but I only think of her as a friend!Since then, she told me everything we had is broken and she said, I hurt the very core of her by mentioning it a it was clearly understood!I am confused, why would she suddenly distant herself and ask me not to write or talk to her at all if we were platonic friends! If I mentioned, we are only friends and we can't be more, why did it hurt or broke pur friendship that we don't talk at all ? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (8 April 2014):
 She is doing this in order to "protect" herself from more drama.
Just because you go into a friendship saying it's platonic doesn't mean that one person can't develop feelings for the other. She might have and when you shot her down her pride and feelings were hurt. OR she got hurt that you read more into her actions then she meant. AS IN SHE wasn't TRYING for more, you just thought she was. That would be a bit insulting too, if some girl thought you were hitting on her when you weren't.
Leave her be, let her get some space and time.
She did what she felt was right for her, JUST as YOU did what you felt was right for you, in stating that you two are ONLY platonic.
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (8 April 2014):
 The reason she's grown distant is because she had feelings for you and you upset her (not your fault) by friend zoning her. Nkw, she's embarrassed and upset and trying to save face by saying she never thought of you as more.
But rationally think about this. if she just saw you as a friend, and you reiterated the whole friend thing, don't you think she'd just say "uh, yeah, no shit." And then drop it? Shes upset because she's embarrassed and hurt. This wasn't your fault.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2014): I think she is actually a very smart girl. I don't think you guys should be friends anymore, it's not going to work, you give her time or not.
She has feelings for you, you regected her, she made the right desicions not to hang around you anymore so she won't have her feelings hurt again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2014): Sorry to be rude, but OBVIOUSLY the reason she's distancing herself is because she likes you and was hoping to date you…have you never been there before?
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (8 April 2014):
 You couldn't avoid it. If all she was feeling was platonic, she wouldn't be hurt "to the very core". She would have laughed and told you to stop falling for her or something.
She is feeling rejection, which is tough. Give her time, but understand that if she had feelings for you, then it had already stopped being platonic. You didn't like her more than as a friend, so you did the right thing.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2014): Give her some time to accept your decision. If she truly values your friendship, she will contact you again. If she cannot accept a platonic friendship with you, then you will just have to respect that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2014): Her pride and feelings are hurt. She just may need a little time. Leave her alone and let her gather up feelings. This might take time, so be patient. She may even decide to end it; because she doesn't wish to settle for any less.
Respect it, if she doesn't want to just be friends; and decides she'd rather move on.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 April 2014):
 YOU knew it... she was clearly hoping for more than just friends... now that you have made it clear there is no shot in the world for more than friends, she is distancing herself because she wants more and settling for less hurts too much.
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A
male
reader, methuselah +, writes (7 April 2014):
Hi,
Perhaps she wanted more. If someone wants a date and they get told 'friends only' then the best action is to distance themselves. No one likes to be rejected by a potential date that they like. She probably wanted more and you made it clear there was nothing on offer. Therefore she left.
Or, perhaps you misunderstood the situation and she didn't appreciate being told 'platonic.'
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2014): That all depends on how you said it. If you said it like you've just written it then it's because you hurt her! Being upfront is great, but you don't have to be abrupt and if that is the case then she probably took offence that you spoke like that when you could see she had obvious feelings.
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