A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I met this guy online 3 months ago, We have been dating off and on during that time period. We have been intimate and that has been a major problem during our "relationship" I have called it off several times because he didn't want to be exclusively dating.We have finally come down the point on whether we should be friends or continue to date. Though, I have called it off because of the sex reasons a few times he is tired of it, and now just wanted to be friends.On, the other hand I want to continue to date but leave sex out the picture until we become official bf/gf. I told him if we doing things this way it would be different and there would be no arguing.He does not want that and just wants to be friends because he says, "We have a lot in common, we have fun when were together and I'm good people". This discussion of whether we should be friends or not has on for a week.I gave him the ultimatum because I'm tired of this non sense going back and forth, I told him:"I can't be friends, so you have two options: We can date and leave sex out of the picture, that will change "if" we get together OR we can end all ties. I leaving sex out of our "relationship" will solve a lot of problems, it's your decision to decide but you know what I want."He replied with, "that's on you not me, I just want to be friends". I told him, "well I want to date". He said once again, that he does not want to date and just wants to be friends".As time goes away, I know my feelings for him are fading away, but there will always be wanting something more in the end. I don't want to lose someone that I had ALOT in common with and some I could say was the "guy version" of me but then I also don't want to settle for friends. I don't understand why he is so persistent on wanting to be friends with me when I gave him the option to say, "Hey, great getting to know you, Goodbye". But he seems to not choose that option.I guess, I'm hoping in the long run if I stay friends with him he will want something in the future. But, I don't want to stay friends with him and him tell me that he has found someone and I get my feelings crushed.I'm stuck between letting a good person go or leaving someone behind because they didn't want what I wanted. I'm stuck in a cloud and could use some advice. I know if I stay friends with him I will have to suck it up if he tells me he has found someone, but I also don't want to be dropped because if he does find somebody there is no way me and him can continue to be "friends". Am I stupid for agreeing to be friends with him after everything we have done? I feel like I'm being stubborn though because I want what I want, but so is he. Is there such a thing as for being friends after being intimate with one another?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 April 2014):
 I agree with all the previous answers... The reason he does not say "goodbye" is the hopes you will change your mind and put out for him again.
Best bet is for you to take control and end it.
He wants friends you don't.
you want to date he does not.
it's a no win situation and neither of you can get what you want.
best to walk away.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 April 2014):
 If I were you, I'd let this one go. I'd not try and stay friends AT ALL.
In 3 SHORT months you two dated and became intimate and YOU broke up SEVERAL times due to whatever reason. THAT IS a sign - a freaking HUGE "can see from the highway" kind of sign, that the two of you ARE NOT compatible and that YOU are wasting YOUR time.
HE isn't into you. He wants to date around, but still get sex or be friends and maybe have a little "fwb" going. Basically he wants SEX from you. HE DOESN'T WANT TO DATE YOU.
YOU want to DATE without sex.
Look at that.
You two have different goals, different wishes and wants. If you continue to see him (as friends) and he gets no sex, he will sooner rather then later move on to another girl. BECAUSE he wants SEX. If you have SEX with him in hopes he will want to date you, he will MOVE on when he finds a girl he REALLY wants to date, not just do a "fwb" thing with.
Either way, you are wasting your time on him.
You can try and be friends, but I don't think it's very beneficial for you, because it's a constant reminder that this guy DIDN'T want you. (NOT that there is ANYTHING wrong with you, you two AREN'T a good fit - IT HAPPENS and you can not FORCE that.)
Some times you run into a guy who is a decent guy, but that doesn't mean he is for you. Try again.
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (2 April 2014):
 He is not interested in relationship with you, not now and very unlike in the future. Strikes me as someone that hooks up online with woman for sex. When they want more he conveniently offers friendship so he is guilt free.
Don't hang onto this guy, you will get nothing other than a broken heart. Listen to what he is saying, I don't want you unless you give me sex. We can remain platonic friends if you don't want to offer sex. Time to move on and accept he probably just used you for sex and was never interested in a committed relationship. Sometimes it hard to accept reality and to see things the way others outside the relationship see it.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (2 April 2014):
Why would you stick around for this guy? He isn't interested in you and is clearly telling you just that. Why would you even force him to date you exclusively? Surely, you can find someone else with similar interests with you so I don't think it is the end of the world just yet. I would call it a strong case of you being stubborn but also a part of wanting what you can't have. And yes people can be friends after being intimate, it happens all the time. You better wake up and realize just how much time you are wasting.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (1 April 2014):
 You both want different things, he wants unexclusive sex, you want a relationship with exclusive sex.
His wanting to stay friends with no sex free dating, is a way to stay in touch in case you change your mind about the sex, in the meantime he can still be having sex, unexclusively, elsewhere.
You want to date, which would give you a higher status than being a friend, dating would also suggest an eventual goal of him becoming sexually exclusive, which he has already said he doesn't want.
You need to read between the lines and hear the unspoken message ..... he is not interested.
I think you should throw this one back and look for somebody who wants the same as you, next time establish the ground rules before you have sex.
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