A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I'll include the story of how this relationship came to be, just in case it helps.Last year in October a friend of mine added the most wonderful girl I've ever known into a Skype conference call. We immediately noticed things we had in common and we began to talk more and more, we Skyped for hours some days and played a few video games together. Quickly we knew we had something special, and it was time to meet. Unfortunately this didn't happen for a while, as there was a 6 hour journey by road between us. In January I was able to travel up by bus to stay with her for a week. It was indeed a happy week for the both of us. We both wanted our relationship to continue, regardless of how often we'd be able to see each other. We continued Skyping regularly, and things seemed okay. Sometimes silence fell over the calls because we didn't have too much to talk about, but it was okay. We made plans about how we'd see each other throughout the year. It seemed like things were definitely going to last.In March one night when she wasn't feeling okay, she decided she couldn't handle the distance and didn't want the relationship to continue. I tried to convince her to stay but it didn't seem to work. To my surprise, the next morning I recieved a long message telling me she'd made a mistake, that she really did care about me a lot and she wanted to keep the relationship going. She told me she remembered all the good times we had in January, and that changed her mind. A few days later I secured bus tickets to visit her in a month. Two weeks later, she called me on Skype and did the same thing, this time telling me she was just bored and unhappy with the relationship, and she didn't think it was worth it because the unhappiness with the relationship that she felt wasn't worth going through just for the short times we'd be spending together. She said she "didn't want a relationship, let alone a long distance one", which makes me wonder if it's really the distance or something else. She said this time she wasn't changing her mind. Also she said I should have been expecting it. I don't know how I could have expected it, since I asked her before I spent money on non-refundable bus tickets. Over those last two weeks we continued making our plans to see each other, so I don't see how on earth I'd be expecting her to let go. I asked her why she'd let go when we could be only three weeks away from bringing January back. She once again told me she was unhappy with the relationship, she told me her happiness diminished over time, and she realised things she didn't at the start. It's been a week since then. We haven't spoken since. She means a lot to me and I'm not sure what to do. I'd give anything for the chance to be with her in person once more. I've been hoping she'd change her mind and return things to normal, so I could still use those bus tickets to see her in 2 and a half weeks.I'd be grateful for some advice on what to do. I'm not sure if I should talk to her, give her some space and hope for the best, do something else about it, or even let her go. I'd really rather not let her go, it's not every day that I come across such a wonderful girl.She is 16 and I am 17 if that helps.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (7 April 2014):
 Oh dear, young love is hard enough, adding long distance, it’s going to be near impossible.
It’s hard to figure out love in the first place… and that’s with being close enough to see each other regularly.
Long distance relationships can work out but there are a few things they need and sadly teenagers are NOT equipped to provide those things.
ONE is MONEY… you need a lot more money to have an LDR than you do to have a local relationship. Travel is expensive. When my husband and I were LDR and I went to see him every weekend it ran about 100 dollars round trip for gas and tolls and we were only 100 miles apart.
Second is TIME… I could take off of work when I felt like it and go up as needed. YOU have school and other time sensitive obligations that will overwhelm the time needed to make a relationship work.
Sadly I think that you need to chalk this up to a great experience and a young lady that will stick in your memory forever but that you should plan to move on.
Perhaps you can have the ticket reissued for another trip later on or you could sell it. I would not even bother to go see her and stir up feelings that will have to be tamped down later on… this relationship has very little hope of surviving. I’m sorry to say this.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2014): Thanks for the advice. I knew I wouldn't be able to get anything from those bus tickets, and I missed her dearly so I ended up asking her if I could be with her once more. She didn't think it was a good idea. Fair enough, I guess.
Knowing her made the past 5 months pretty good. A lot better than normal. I would've waited as long as it took for her and I to finally be closer to each other, I guess she didn't have the patience or the same strong feelings that I had.
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A
female
reader, Sensible Alice  +, writes (5 April 2014):
 It sounds like you two had a wonderful time in January. Twenty years ago that might have been classed as a summer romance, two people meet and have an amazing time together, then part, still thinking fondly of the other and calling and writing now and then. But with the advent of technology these relationships have jumped those bounds and go on to be long distance relationships and I just want to commend both of you for making it last so long. Should you still go see her in two weeks? Heck yes, even if it's just to assure the both of you that there's nothing there, so it can end. Who knows, it might turn out to be a wonderful autumn dream you will remember forever. When you next contact her tell her "I'd give anything for the chance to be with you in person once more. Even if it's just to say goodbye."
Then make the trip as memorable as possible for the both of you. If it turns out that it's just not possible to be together or she really resists you coming down, then remember that relationships run their course but you'll always have memories of January.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (5 April 2014):
 Long distance relationships can be very difficult to maintain, even for people who have been married to each other for years and years.
Your young lady (ex girlfriend) is still finding her feet, working out what suits her and what doesn't, and she has been honest with you, feelings diminished over time and she has had time to think about the relationship and where it was going. Sadly for you she has decided it wasn't going to work for her and despite not wanting to, you are going to have to let her go.
Its going to hurt for a while, work your way through the grief while you go no contact.
You have probably lost your money on the tickets, but try advertising them for sale in your local paper, or buy and sell page online if there is one. Even if you can only recoup 50% of the cost will be better than nothing.
Best of luck!
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