A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This is going to sound as pathetic as it is but it's irritating me.I've been with my partner for 3 years and we have never been friends on facebook. I don't use it much but about 2 months ago I sent him a friend request. Not only did he decline my friends request, he also blocked me. I didn't make a point of saying anything and thought maybe he'd clicked the wrong button or something so asked my friend to send him a friend request. She did and the same happened. Not only did he block me and my friend, he then made a point of blocking a few family members and all of my close friends.Not just unfriending them, but actually blocking them.I broached the subject with him last week and he said he doesn't want us to be the type of couple that are checking up on each other on there. I've never had any reason to check up on him and have never been through his phone/emails etc. I said it upset me, he asked why. Truth is I don't really know why but I now feel as though he's hiding something. Is being facebook friends with someone you've been in a solid relationship with for 3 years really too much to ask?
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female
reader, PeanutButter  +, writes (11 April 2014):
 The fact that he went out of his way to decline your friend request then block you, your friend and some family is a tad overkill and suspicious, for sure!
Of course, you don't HAVE to be friends on facebook to have a good relationship, of course not, but to some people their facebook is like their wallet, their jacket or their phone - they just don't want their partners going through it no matter if there is anything incriminating to find there or not - there is nothing wrong with having and maintaining your identity separate from your spouse and sometimes it can even keep things interesting - BUT - I do agree, it is a little weird.
I am on Facebook and my husband is on Facebook and we interact with one another but we are the kind of people who share passwords and leave things open cause we don't really care if the other sees and we like our friends to get along and add eachother too so we have a nice pool of social interaction.
I would not be offended if my husband just wanted a bit of space to himself but I would be a little miffed by it at the same time.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 April 2014):
 I don't blame him. So many people let their life be "rules" by utterly unimportant crap on Facebook.
Facebook is like the biggest drama- central these days. The guy "likes" a female friend's pictures and the GF goes nuts because it MUST mean he is cheating. Or the GF added a high-school friend from 10-20 years ago and SHE must be cheating.
I HAD Facebook but it's inactive, too much drama with my husband's family and since I STILL use e-mails to update friends and family it wasn't a big loss AT ALL to not be on FB.
My husband has FB - we were not "friends" on there, because why would we be? We are usually 3-4 feet away (unless he is at work or I'm out of the house) - we SHARE everything anyways, no need to do it over FB too. If HE saw something funny, he's tell me about it or show me.. I don't see the big deal.
Asking your friends to be added is underhanded. Talking to your BF is the way to go and I do think you ought to respect his wishes, if you think he is doing "bad things" on FB - then you obviously have trust issues that needs to be dealt with.
Figure out WHY it upsets you and THEN talk to him.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 April 2014):
 I'm on facebook. My spouse is NOT. But if he was I would NOT block him or unfriend him.
I think that he's hiding something too...the fact that he's blocked himself from not only you but your friends and family is rather suspect...
My friends who have spouses on facebook often have me friend their spouses...
something is suspect... is there any other activity that goes on with him that makes you concerned he's hiding things from you?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2014): Trust is earned... if I was with someone and they made a fuss about this, then yes, I'd think they are hiding something. My ex used to do this to punish me, he wasn't actually hiding anything in the end but it was part of his silent treatment punishment approach.FB should not be important though.. really.. I mean, you guys are in your thirties, you're not teens.. what's the problem in seeing each others' pages? Perhaps he has joined groups with big silicone boobed women or something he knows you might disapprove of. I guess you're worrying he is flirting or cheating.. guess it's possible. A friend of mine found out her man was leaving flattering comments on a work colleague's picture. He thought she couldn't see them .. but this lady had an open page .... who knows if he cheated/was planning to do, I do know one thing. If you ARE going to cheat, FB makes it a whole lot easier.I think you need to sit down with him and explain how you feel and ask him to open FB in front of you. If he won't, then yes, you have something to worry about.
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A
female
reader, kinjal  +, writes (10 April 2014):
sorry to say ur guy is definitely hiding some thing u shdnt blindly trust him u need to be vigilant to avoid being hurt in future.please be candid to him please let him know u didn't like this ask him to add u as well as all those who he has blocked ensure him his privacy is not going to be hampered its just that it disturbs u if he cares for u he will do so otherwise please be strong n get meaning out of it all the best
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (10 April 2014):
 I think he's hiding something. I know many couples who have facebook pages, some of them even created one facebook page to use for the both of them. Many couples also give each other their passwords as a sign of complete trust.
Your partner not only blocks you but your close friends and family members. There is something he does not want all of you to see. I agree with jls022...alarm bells would be going off.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2014): If you were both teenagers, this would all make sense.
You and your bf are measuring trust, and managing your relationship over Facebook.
He is aware that your only reason for wanting to be "friends" is to have access to his incoming updates. It is a matter of principle that he has blocked you. Forcing you to trust him.
He is now evaluating your reaction to that. The more fuss you make; the more apparent it is that you don't trust him and you want access for monitoring purposes.
Facebook mainly causes problems between immature and insecure couples.
It is a social medium to be shared publicly; if you want to make announcements, or share your activities and plans. It allows you to block access to allow for privacy. Like it or not, he has a right to privacy. He resents your snooping.
Why would you need to be "friended" by your own boyfriend?
Please explain the logic behind that? He knows it's about keeping tabs, and he's a grown man.
Do you also text him when he's sitting right next to you?
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A
female
reader, jls022 +, writes (10 April 2014):
I'm not really massively bothered about Facebook and I've probably only been on my boyfriends page 3 or 4 times in the 4.5 years we've been together, but alarm bells would certainly ring if he actively went to such lengths to keep me off his page. Being friends with him doesn't mean you are checking up on him so that argument is ridiculous, unless there had been prior issues of jealousy and snooping before? But even then, to block you makes me think he's hiding something from you. If I were you I'd tell him that if he wants a snoop-free relationship based on trust, then he'd better stop the secrecy and start acting like he is trustworthy.
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