A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey, so, about 4 weeks ago I got into a relationship with this guy. We met on a dating website months after my messy breakup with my last boyfriend, and I wanted to move on. This guy was sweet, but I don't think that he and I have ANY chemistry. Obviously we have met in person, but since our entire relationship, we've only hung out 4 times. And I dread being around him. It's not that he's a bad guy... just that I don't feel anything for him. I feel like I'm forced to smile and act so flirty towards him. I would've ended the relationship 2 weeks ago, but my friend (who has also met him) thinks that he'll be good for me, and to give him a chance. But I don't think that it's a good idea to take this any farther. We almost broke up last week, but he said that he likes me so much, so he's just going to try harder.I know this is silly, you're all probably thinking, "Just break up with him!". But the issue is, I don't know what to say! He suffers from depression, and I'm afraid of getting him upset. Should I just tell him that we moved too fast and to just stay as friends? Can anyone suggest a nice way to break it off without harsh feelings? I'm not too good in this area.
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broke up, flirt, move on Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2014): "There is something important that has been on my mind for awhile. I have slept over this, and I have made a final decision. This relationship is not working for me, and I will have to end it. Thank you for all your time and effort you've put in, but this will end up being better for both of us."
Do not stay just because you feel sorry for someone, depression or not. He will get upset, it's a normal reaction. You cannot be held hostage to someone's on-going depression.
http://m.wikihow.com/Break-Up-with-a-Boy
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (4 April 2014):
 I agree that "let's be friends" is the "kiss of death" as my mom used to say.
just say it's not working out and move on..
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 April 2014):
 Dragging it out won't make his depression go away. Faking it will not make you feel better either.
End and do it in a nice way. Do NOT for goodness sake offer friendship to him.
Breaking up with someone is not easy, but sometimes it's what you have to do. FOR YOU (and for him).
Then I would suggest you take some time off from dating and focus on you. A MAN shouldn't have the heavy mantle of "fixing" your heartbreak from your last relationship. Don't enter one til you are HEALED enough to be able to GIVE something back.
It's been 4 FOUR weeks. I seriously doubt it was THAT serious that he can't handle if you break it up.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2014): Being honest is a lot better than living a lie.
You're more concerned about your feelings than you are of his. It has only been a month. How long do you think you can continue faking it? What's going to happen when he wants to have sex? You're going to do that too, just to not hurt his feelings?
He was a rebound relationship you jumped into right after a breakup. This is how it usually ends. Somebody gets hurt.
In this case; he really hasn't had enough time for his real feelings for you to take hold. So he will recover fairly soon afterward. As for your friend's advice? She'd probably tell you keep a pair of heels that crush your toes; because they're so cute! You don't hold on to people you have no feelings for; and fake smiles when you otherwise "dread" being with them.
Just be straightforward and honest. Yes, you did move too quickly; and your feelings for him don't seem to be what you thought. You're sorry to hurt him, but you would rather be honest. You didn't have the courage to speak sooner. You are still healing from your breakup. He'll be upset; but he's a big boy. He'll move on, and you need more time to get it together.
Expect it to hurt. It doesn't feel good having to do it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2014): You're gonna have to be honest, his depression (as horrible as it sounds) isn't something that can trap you. You can't risk being unhappy to keep him happy.
Just go to him, in person, and say 'Look, I think we'd work better as friends and then maybe something will come of it in the future but for now, I think friendship would be our best chance because I don't feel that we're working and I think we need to get to know each other better before we take this any further'.
Don't text him or do it over the internet, you have to say this to his face if you're concerned about his depression.
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