A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:A guy I met online (from far faaar away) and I have been texting/sexting for about 2 and a 1/2 weeks now. I'm new to sexting and find that I'm enjoying it immensly - we seem to be very compatible. However I don't expect anything more of this. It's just nice to flirt with someone from time to time. I'm a virgin, and he knows that I'm saving myself for marriage. We've also agreed on the fact that I won't send any explicitely nude pics. He seems nice, although I know you can't ever fully trust sext strangers online. He's taken to alluding to marrying me. Like saying that if we were close he'd have to marry me first so he could do so and so to/with me. He's mentioned it a couple times. Or that, when I told him I'd like to try this and this one day with my future husband, he responds, "I'm your future hubby, baby!!" He's also complimented me on being like his perfect dream woman and such. Now, this guy is 30, while I'm 19, so that's something I'm curious about too. Is he joking about the marriage business? I've been taking it as a joke so far, but now I have to wonder... And why? Is it simply his way of making conversation when he can't think of anymore to say? Is he unserious about marriage because of his swinging ways?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2014): Gullibility is how cyber-trolls take advantage of people online. No it is not being over-protective to warn a young woman, 19 or 29 even 49, who is being over-flattered by a guy talking of marriage; when she isn't quite sure of what he means by it.
Sexting is fine and is a lot of fun, I know. It's just that anything relating to sex online; can bring out the worst kinds of people trolling around for victims.
Curiosity often gets the best of us. Predators can be very persuasive. The guy is being quite flirtatious, and I'm not retracting my advice; but I do apologize to you OP, if it offended you that I was questioning your age. You are old enough to do as you please; but just be careful with how persuasive online predators, or older men, can be when they are aware they are dealing with young naive women.
There is no distance some creeps will not travel to get to something they want. So offer no information regarding your whereabouts or your identity.
Best of luck! Have fun as long as you stay safe, my dear!
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 July 2014):
 @ eric troy. Sure that at 19 the OP is / should be old enough to
" hold her drink ". When I was her age, to use your metaphor, I was not just " holding my drinks ", I was chugging them down with gusto, satisfaction and competence :).
Personally, I haven't advised her to stop. Whatever floars her boat, ( safely ) ,fine. .
I guess most of us were just surprised because the question was a bit bizarre- so at 19, she is old enough to sextext- yet not old enough to understand / know what sextexting is about ( sexual fantasy and physical relief ) ?... It's a bit like a 5 y.o. who plays dress up with her mommy's shoes and necklaces - then she believes she IS actually a grown up , a mother and a wife.
Maybe we Aunts/ Uncles get a little overprotective at times, but, see, eric troy, when you have a young poster who says, hey a cyberwanker said he wants to marry me, does he really want to marry me ?- we go in worst case scenario mode, and we think ( reasonably ) that if she is so gullible , her cybersuitor can easily convince her to give him nude pics, perform on camera, do - or just describe, still wrong - acts that she is not comfortable with and would not do without pressure , or worse meet him in person. Or send him money for the
" wedding " !
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A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (19 July 2014):
 You are aged 18-21 and you are no doubt in your prime. Online dating can seem safe and OK but at 18-21 there is still so much to learn about human nature.
But two and a half weeks of talking and the topic of the day is already getting to virginity and sexting?
You really are worth far more than that.
Be kind to you.
Focus on some boys closer to you physically. Observe them. See how they behave in a group. Get to know them as friends not sexting partners.
I think all the people who replied were thinking of your safety and your situation.
NO REAL guy offers marriage so soon.
This guy may even be sexting multiple girls every day.
Be proud of you.
Dress nicely
Behave nicely.
Look for an honorable guy who will treat you as the lady you are. And who will NOT start wanting to sex talk you or tell you lies so soon.
The people who have replied want you to have a happy life. Not be sucked in by a 30 year old smooth talking liar.
For your own good welfare and safety BLOCK THIS GUY TODAY.
Tell this guy nothing more. No explanations required. A guy who behaves this way is NOT a good guy.
Look for a friend closer to home. Go for a nice guy who is studying to better himself or better still a guy who is learning a trade like carpentry or electrician. This type of guy is more responsible, can follow rules and show respect for the people they deal with - otherwise they would not hold down a job.
Avoid guys who only tell you what they think you would like to hear.
Avoid guys who do drugs or drink alcohol excessively.
But please do get to know a guy where you know and llike his sister. Where you get to meet his mother (Eventually) and where your own family feel good about the guy.
You do deserve far better than this pervy sly online 30 year old.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionModnote: As the Moderator I accept that you have stated your true age. Maybe some people were worried about you so easily accepted that it is "normal" for a guy to talk about married after 2 1/2 weeks. It is not normal- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - I give up. I don't know how else to prove my age. Although I'm finding that doing so would probably make me look even more stupid. But yes, I understand full well the scary dangers. Thanks for the concern and answers. Much appreciated.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2014): You are still being quite naive; which still leads me to believe your are younger than you say you are, and you are playing around in dangerous territory. You shouldn't be sexting with anyone, let alone some troll you found on the internet.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOkay. To argue my case I wasn't really taking it seriously, more, I was curious, or rather I was looking for comfirmation about whether he was just the typical sexter I already knew he was. So I admit, it might have been a stupid question. Sometimes, and I'm sure this is the danger you're speaking of Olderthandirt, chatting with someone on the internet can make one's imagination go crazy and alloow them to portray the other person however they like. However, no matter how amazing he seemed, I would have never sent him naked pictures, especially anything including my face, I might be acting quite naive in this situation but I do understand the dangers involved with sending anyone, even people you trust, intimate pictures. That said, I define my virginity with never having given myself to someone physically. Including orals, touching intimately etc. This, sexting this guy, is not giving him my body, or letting him see it, it's letting him in on some thoughts, because I think, and thinking about sex or talking about it does not going to make me less of a virgin, in my terms. Thanks for every answer though, I appreciate them.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (18 July 2014):
Because it turns him on.
" like saying that if we were close he'd have to marry me to do so and so to me ".
You can bet he's having the most perfect wanks of his life over your texts, because they are like the captions oto a defloration fantasy- the young vrgin bride, all new and innocent and fearful, fighting and writing in pain at first, and stifling little cries which, by and by, turns into hoarse moans of pleasure while she yields to his desire, and surrenders to his powerful .... etc.etc. Yuck. You are free porn to him.
I don't even think the choice of a virgin cybersex partner is casual, - with all the girls who are old hands at this game and could come up with the most outrageous things to put a pornstar to shame. I bet he has a Pigmalion vocation, he likes to be your sex mentor and initiator - virtually, since he can't be IRL ( but probably he would not even have the nerve , the skills or the physique to seduce you , IRL ). And I bet you are not the only one, naive and guileless is just what makes him horniest.
Did you think he really meant that he wants to marry you ?! You sound really very naive, good for you he is faaaar awy, so at least you are safe. Sextext away , if you like it, -nothing wrong with that, it's just like masturbation ( well, it IS masturbation ) only using somebody's words, rather than a vibrator. If you like that, it's just fine. But learn to call things by their proper name, and don't get mixed up beween very different things : masturbaton is not marriage, and a cyberwanker is not a suitor.
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A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (18 July 2014):
 Im not really sure what your question is - You don't really think a guy you have known less than three weeks whom you have never actually met is seriously considering marrying you do you? Are you pulling our chain??
You don't know each other in any way, shape or form! A couple of weeks of sexting and he declares you are his dream girl and wants to marry you? He could be married with six kids for all you know or have dreadful bad breath or have just come out of jail for rape!
You are very naïve and I also have to question your age - at 19 you should know full well that this situation is ridiculous. You don't know each other! He is grooming you for sex.
He is telling you what you want to hear so he can get laid. First he will tell you he wants to marry you, then declare that his love of you is so strong he must make love to you before marriage and then he will grunt his juices inside you and disappear into the night.
Men always act nice when they want sex!
Mark
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 July 2014):
 As you said you are waiting for marriage to do things, he has to "offer" to marry you in order to get you to sext about them. You basically gave him the rule book and he's following it. Not any big mystery why he's going on about it.
He's hoping for more from you, I expect the next level will involve somewhat sexy pictures without explicit body parts.
You do seem a bit naive to be engaging in this type of thing.
What exactly are you saving for marriage? Your hymen? Is that your measure of virginity? You are being sexual with another person, you do realize, no?
I often wonder about posters who say, "oh I had oral sex and anal sex but I'm a virgin." Somehow there's this magic threshold of the vagina even though every other body part has been thoroughly explored and played with.
He is unserious about marriage. He is conditioning and grooming you and you don't seem to be clued up enough to protect yourself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2014): You're sexting?!! Then you exchange your fantasies and he tries to up you. You tell him what you want when you get married, and he tells you he wants to be your husband.
Put two and two together. You're showing just how naive you are, and he's picking up on it. You've played long enough.
Find a new playmate. He's going to try and coerce private information out of you, and it's only a matter of time before he tries to hookup with you.
I will take your word that you're as old as you say you are.
I have a little doubt. Someone older would know better.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 July 2014):
 yes it's not true he wants to marry you.
He's telling you want you want to hear so you will sext with him and send him more pictures....
when you are not sexting and talking about the future what do you talk about?
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (17 July 2014):
 You are in a danger zone and need to withdraw ASAP. Forget sexting forget internet socializing .It's not real and you will get hurt! You think those pics just go away? Nope your pics are in the net and will follow you everywhere. Good Luck now get back to reality.
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