A
male
age
51-59,
*iffa Bacon
writes:Hi. My wife and I have been married for 23 years. We still love each other but the spark has gone from our sex life, although we regularly have sex. For many years I have always told her that the thought of her having sex with another well endowed man turns me on. At first she thought I was mad, but over the years the idea has begun to really turn her on. I have reassured her that I don't want sex with anyone else. Recently I suggested she sign up to F***buddy to see what responses she gets. She has purposely targeted Black guys as she loves the thought of big black dick. She has had a number of offers and is amazingly receptive to the idea. I have told her I will not interfere with any messages she posts (although she always tells me what is going on) and have left it to her to arrange something. The trouble is every time we talk about it I just get so turned on and have been masturbating at the thought for days, several times a day. Can anyone else tell me if they've done this sort of thing and did it help or ruin their marriage? Thanks. Biffa.
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fuck buddy, sex life, sex with another, spark Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (22 July 2014):
 Three's a crowd especially in the bedroom.don't do it not even just for fun. You cannot un-see that event and your memory of it will be toxic to the future relationship.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2014): What's to stop her from getting emotionally attached to one of these men? What if she falls in love and wants to leave you? You need to think this thru to the end and all possible outcomes.
Swinging ruined my marriage. As enthusiastic as I was in the beginning of it at the end of the marriage all we had left was dishonesty, jealousy, and betrayal. My advice is to keep it as a fantasy.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (22 July 2014):
 Trust me... you want to keep this a hot fantasy.
Swinging ruined my last marriage. I know lots of marriages that opened their beds up for the wrong reasons and they fell apart as soon as extra people were added.
Bringing someone into your marriage bed is a very bad idea.
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A
male
reader, Biffa Bacon +, writes (22 July 2014):
Biffa Bacon is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your honest and forthright opinions. One thing I would clearly like to point out is that it is HER that seems to be showing the most enthusiasm for this. Every time I catch her on her phone she is either looking at or replying to someone on F****buddy. Believe me, I am in no way upset because the turn on is immense. The link you posted above is very heartbreaking, but it clearly seems to me this lady wasn't up for it to begin with. This is totally the opposite with my good lady. I have told her from the start I am not going to encourage her because that would make out to be too controlling. However it turns out I haven't needed to! I would also like to add that we are looking at total strangers as opposed to friends. To me that is a recipe for disaster. Can both of you ladies give me an honest answer and tell me it sounds OK to go for this? Even just talking about it has made us much closer and sparked something in both of us.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2014): I haven't done it myself OP, but here's someone who posted today who did.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-heart-is-brokeni-dont-know-how-to.html
I did consider it with my husband. But in the end decided I was not willing to risk the insecurity / jealousy / betrayal / distance that MIGHT result from the experience. For me, it was not worth putting my perfectly happy relationship on the line for what is essentially a few hours of fun.
If it goes well then you've had a few hours of fun. If it doesn't, you've thrown 23 years worth of security and companionship down the drain.
Go on holiday, try new positions but if you really love her, don't go there mate.
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A
female
reader, Mistresskiki +, writes (22 July 2014):
A lady has recently posted a similar question, only from the perspective of a fantasy gone horribly wrong; it didn't go as her husband envisaged, and now he blames his wife for the fact he couldn't handle the reality; he now blames her for the whole thing, and she is in bits.Personally, if you are BOTH OK with the idea, and there has been full communication and consent between you then so long as she is careful to avoid infection, etc., I don't have a problem with this.BOTH of you have to take responsibility for any fall out as a result of this happening for real.You relinquish your right to act like a spoiled child if you find you are uncontrollably jealous; similarly if she feels 'dirty' then it has to be agreed that you will support her unconditionally through this, while she works through her own issues of self-worth etc, as a result.Can you handle it, as individuals, and as a couple if the reality doesn't fit the fantasy?
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