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Newlyweds and embarrassment of dealing with hair "down there"

Tagged as: Health, Marriage problems, Sex, Virginity<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (20 July 2014) 11 Answers - (Newest, 11 August 2014)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

How do newlyweds deal with hair "down there"? I mean, doesn't it get uncomfortable with the roughness of hair growing back or the embarrassment of ingrown hairs?

I'm getting married soon and have never been intimate with anyone before. I'm anxious about this issue. When I shave it grows back next day (waxing probably won't be any better cause my hair grows quickly), so how are couples supposed to enjoy sex when just next day it can get rough surface and ingrown hairs?

In my culture girls are supposed to be completely bare down there, but it doesn't last like that too long for both partners to enjoy it like that without being uncomfortable.

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A male reader, CEP United States +, writes (11 August 2014):

CEP agony auntI would say don't even worry. This is the person you're going to spend the rest of your life with, they know that you're human obviously, and they know your flaws, and some people don't even think that pubic hair is a flaw!! bald, rough, slightly hairy, complete bush, it doesn't really matter in the end, hopefully this is the person you'll be spending many many years with. You're going to pee, fart, poop, vomit and other bodily functions that may be classified as "gross" or "taboo" but if you think about where you'll be with this person 10, 20, or even a year from now, it won't really matter. just enjoy your wedding night, give yourselves to each other and just enjoy being with each other! :)

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A female reader, Mistresskiki United Kingdom +, writes (22 July 2014):

There is a super- expensive treatment called IPL - this involves a laser 'killing' (or at least stunning) the hair follicles so they don't produce as much hair. It can take a while to see real results, and it won't work on VERY dark skin (although technology is improving all the time), and you CAN shave inbetween times. It stings a bit when it is being done, and will take a few months before you notice a real difference, but might be better for you in the longer term if you really can't bear waxing. :)

All the best with your new husband - I hope it all goes very well for you both xx

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (21 July 2014):

Honeypie agony auntWaxing WILL slow down the hair growth. Sugaring will too.

http://hairremoval.about.com/od/sugarwaxing/a/wax-vs-sugaring.htm

Sugaring is what I used before moving to the US. (they are much bigger on waxing over here lol)

http://hairremoval.about.com/od/sugarwaxing/a/sugaring101.htm

And sugaring you can do at home, I'd NEVER in a million years attempt to wax my nether regions myself - NEVER.

http://hairremoval.about.com/od/sugarwaxing/ss/sugar-hair-removal-recipe.htm

Have you asked your mom? She might have some good advice or recipes :)

As for "angry" skin... almond oil can soothe it and vitamin E oil.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (21 July 2014):

So_Very_Confused agony auntOP, I strongly urge you to investigate waxing. I find waxing while more expensive to be easier....

I currently shave but I prefer to wax the whole thing... once you get that going then the hair growth is reduced slightly and the re-growth is softer....

if you wish to continue shaving... just do it every day in the shower...

use hair conditioner instead of soap... the razor should be run in all directions... up down side to side and diagonal

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2014):

I had no problems shaving from the very beginning. It takes me really 2-3 minutes to do it. If that. Just soap it well. And it doesn't itch also. If it grows back a bit, just shave it again. I shave it there twice a week, I don't even think about it, it's a Part of my morning ritual like brushing teeth.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2014):

I'm the poster of this question. Thanks for all the answers!

I still feel apprehensive...I'm not used to shaving it all off, I just like to trim and keep things tidy, but my future husband doesn't like body hair, not even on himself.

So you're saying eventually the skin will get used to it and it won't seem so "angry"? I just don't want it to get uncomfortable, then embarrassing, then ruin the mood afterwards.

I know I'm thinking too much about this, but ughhh I can't help it!

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (20 July 2014):

CindyCares agony auntAnon female who says it's not cultural, just preference.

You are assuming that because the OP's flag says UK, the poster is a white Anglo Saxon.

In UK though there's a massive presence of Muslim immigranrs, and descendants of immigrants, and for them, removing pubic hair it's not preference , it's cultural AND religious .

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2014):

Your hair won't grow back that fast with waxing. And it should grow back not stubbly either. I shave and sometimes it grows a bit and it's fine. Not uncomfortable at all

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2014):

You post from the UK - where I live. I was totally unaware that it was "our culture" to remove our pubic hair - I don't and neither do most of the women I know. It's actually not "cultural" - it's preference.

I keep the hair short (most of the time) by trimming with scissors or electric clippers and I shave the bikini line but I have hair. I find it too uncomfortable and too much of a hassle to remove in on a regular basis.

I have found most guys understanding and don't mind hair.

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A male reader, thoughtsshared United Kingdom +, writes (20 July 2014):

thoughtsshared agony auntIf you have strong hair it will be very uncomfortable to constantly remove it and if you get ingrown hairs perhaps you should not do this.

The hair will be softer and smoother if it is slightly longer (just over one centimetre more or less). The length of the hair can be kept in check with a shaver.

Since you are soon to become intimate for the first time with your new partner, perhaps it's a good idea not to start off smooth otherwise you'll be setting a precedent and he will notice a difference if you then become 'more natural'.

I don't know enough about your culture or the expectations, but in frank personal discussions I've never heard any men complaining about their partners' hair. I don't think men care about this. Men are generally more concerned about how whether their wife is enjoying sex.

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A female reader, DietSunkist United States +, writes (20 July 2014):

DietSunkist agony auntIf you're not used to shaving or waxing, at first it can feel weird to you, especially if you break out and it itches like crazy! But after a while, your skin will get used to it. Hair growth can be different rates. Its all in what you're comfortable with. :) If you dont always want to shave/wax, you can still have hair and trim it. And if your partner loves you, how you look down there wont matter.

I personally dont like hair, but my husband doesnt like to go completely bare. So he keeps his neatly trimmed and short, almost bare but not quite and it doesnt bother me, cause its a part of who he is, ya know?

But if you are wanting to go bare completely, and if it keeps growing back really fast, then I guess just keep shaving it/waxing or whatever you do. At first you will have some discomfort and possibly ALOT of itching but the more you do it, eventually your skin will get used to it and it wont be so bad. :) Just gotta keep up with it.

And even if you do keep up with it, from time to time, you'll still have a couple razor bumps maybe or ingrown hair, but thats just the human body and the way it is. LOL.

You'll be fine. :) Dont worry too much about it.

(My hubby and I were both virgins too, until we got married. Been married 4 years now.)

Its a thing you learn how to accept and just do. :)

Also, if you're enjoying the sex, then the hair wont even matter. I promise you, you're getting worried over something thats not that big of a deal sweetie. Just trust me! :D

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