A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyoneSorry, new to this site so not exactly sure how it works but I'll just ask away. Well basically I'm in a sort of confusing position with this girl who is my best friend.She's from Taiwan and we've been talking (online) for at least 10 months now. It's no surprise I feel like I'm starting to fall for her, she's funny and makes me laugh a lot, she's beautiful.Well.. the other day I plucked up the courage to tell her how I've been feeling lately saying that I like her a lot and that I'm worried she'll stop talking to me.. and that I hope we'll be best friends still, but also saying I want to be a little closer. She basically said she likes me too and that she'll still keep talking to me anyways saying she's happy to know that I feel that way and stuff and she feels honoured which was cute, so I guessed from there on I'd still just be seen as a friend.. well that's what I thought anyways. I said do you like me as more than a friend and she said she doesn't know.. She said she's been treating me as her best friend and said she can see it from the other way but then she said "is that what we really want?" She thinks that things like love and romance will eventually end and that it'll end between us too and we may not talk at the end of it.. she said she didn't want to risk it.. So I can understand that. Her last boyfriend was her best friend too but he just suddenly stopped talking to her so clearly she doesn't want to risk it again I think. But at the end of it I'm confused.. because she kept saying she was so glad to know now and that she was happy that I liked her.. Sorry I've dragged this story out really long but I really do need another good opinion on what I should do.. Should I give it time? move on but remain friends? I mean she knows that I like her and I guess she likes me? Thank you for reading :)
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (21 July 2014):
 OP feeling the way you do is normal... the problem is how do you fix it.
being in an LDR sucks if you are close and can see each other often...
There are things you need to make an LDR work
two of them are time and money... at your age I doubt you guys have enough of either to even explore this as a romantic relationship.
I am not sure if you two have even met IRL.. if not, then it's just a dream you have with very little chance of coming true.
Things to consider in an LDR:
when will you meet?
when will you spend time together
who is going to travel to see who
when and how will you end the distance.
so will she move to you?
will you move to her?
will you two move to a totally neutral location-both giving up friends and family to be with each other?
Can you afford regular international travel to figure out if this will even work?
I'm thinking that your dream is going to go up in smoke when you think about the logistics of an international LDR.
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (19 July 2014):
It wouldn't surprise me if it was the distance that made her not interested. What would be the point of a relationship with someone so far away?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 July 2014):
 All what Janniepeg says, plus , sorry if I rain on your parade, but I have a different reading on this :
" I don't know if I like you as more than friends ..." means " No, I don't ".
She cares about you as a friend, does not want to push you away, and is letting you down easy. Come on, if she had been secretly crushing on you so far, and finally you come out with your big news... can you imagine a girl her age being all coy and demure , and " strategical " ? She would have said YESSS! ( fist pump ).
Girls all over the world are grown to be nice and to not hurt feelings, more than to communicate assertively and effectively. Girls in Taiwan, even more so. Reason for which, the way to reject a proposal has not changed much since Jane Austen's times . " Sir, although I am flattered and honoured by your proposal- and conquering the affection of a fine gentleman as yourself can't be but an honour and a prize ... lamentably , at the moment, my inexperience does not allow me to know the true stirrings of my heart and to navigate into the maze of feelings etc.etc. " Yeah right.
Plus, ( together with the authors of " He's not that into you " :) I also believe that " I don't want to risk our friendship " is overrated. It's just not true- when people are in love- or in lust - they risk. They risk even foolishly, imprudently. When the push is strong- they want BADLY a shot at it. You DID risk when you told her your feelings, didn't you ?.
It is also true that not everything is love and passion at first sight, in fact often people grows on you, little by little, day in they out. Developping closeness, physical closeness as well. If you were both in the same place , and you were classmates or coworkers , seeing each other every day... you could have given her food for thought " Mhhh... I had never thought of Joe like that, but... maybe...we'll see ..". But from such a distance , ( back to Janniepeg's answer ) - even if that should happen in time,- why bother ?
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (19 July 2014):
 The only way you can reassure her that you won't do what her last boyfriend did is to talk about marriage, which is unrealistic as you are too far apart to even date. Can you afford plane trips and hotel? How often could you visit each other? Does she want to study in the UK?
You can develop feelings with whoever you like, that's easy, but to actualize a relationship it's hassle free to find someone local.
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