A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I would like some advice on something that came up in a previous question that has also been on my mind .I am a healthy weight woman according to the weight for height charts and yet at times when I have lost weight and become somewhat underweight , either due to being unwell it when I had my wisdom teeth removed , I found that I received more looks and attention from men I also read that other women have experienced this in another question and this had made me very curious . It seems that men claim to like women of a healthy weight or even with a little 'meat on their bones' yet the underweight extremely thin look is what gets them excited and gets their attention .Can men people just give us women the truth . Why more attention when we are thinner than an average healthy weight if healthy is what you really prefer? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2014): It has often baffled my little mind, why some people think it is okay to insult thin people by calling them stick insects. Now if i were to describe a fat person on here as a blob that would not be right, so please have the same respect for us stick insects 'who actually often appreciate the curvy ladies figures.I am 9 st 5'10 long legs and no roll of fat anywhere , my natural build and I feel active and healthy with my body weight,and would not be happy to be labeled a Stick Insect. Just as the larger(not curvier)lady would be unhappy at been labeled a blob that cracks pavements,just reversing a comment. Thin women are almost made to feel GUILTY for been thin and have to explain why they are not fatter. Blatent Comments like 'you look anorexic' 'your too skinny' What if i reversed these types of comments, I would be classed as rude. The amount of blatent insults that I have had from strangers often larger women on a night out is unbelievable and yet accepted as okay. What if I had said to a stranger in the mirror of a nite club 'hey you look flabby,or do you gorge' I would'nt dream of saying such things to anyone let alone calling them a stick insect.We are all different and this is what makes the world colourful. People should stop insulting each other's differences. Preference and difference don't have to meet with insults and majority does not always have to rule. Anyone else calls me a stick insect and i will call them a blob ( it breeds
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2014): Every man I ever knew told me that skiing women are not his taste.
May be thinnes in you make your legs look longer or your boobs bigger. Its not nessesesary you being thin , but may be other parts of your body start to stand out.
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (18 July 2014):
Dear OP,
Women with bigger boobs usually get more attention than women with smaller boobs. Women with long hair usually get more attention than women with short hair. Women in mini dresses usually get more attention then women in old hippie clothes. From strangers, and for seconds.
But that doesn't mean a woman with small boobs, short hair and old hippie clothes can't mean the world, to a particular man that knows her.
There are some visual cues that I believe will trigger more male attention - from strangers, yes - but that doesn't mean all the women who don't catch the eye within seconds are also constantly overlooked in their private lifes.
And also, it's the same with men, I believe. Men with muscles get more attention than skinny or overweight men. Men with a great taste in clothes get more attention than average dressed men. etc. But that doesn't mean every overweight guy who dresses average has no attention in his life. How strangers look at you, that's one thing. How the people who know you look at you is the other.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2014): I do understand what you mean. I am really slim and always have been - either a size 10 or a size 8. I personally prefer to stay slim because the ONLY place I ever put weight on is on my hips and thighs - and by way of cellulite, rather than smooth fat. If I was able to put on fat all over and without cellulite, it wouldn't bother me as I think larger women look lovely - I'm straight by the way! However, I completely agree with you about men being drawn to VERY thin women. Even though I'm slim, whenever I've lost weight and gone down to an 8, I get LOADS more attention. But I've now realised that this is all that it is: a few more men catching my eye or staring at me. All it means is: you look really thin like the women in adverts and I am looking at you because I'm aware that you fit that visual ideal.It DOES NOT necessarily mean that they are attracted to me in anything other than that immediate, superficial way - I've literally been half a stone heavier and had less of the looks and attention in bars and travelling to work and so on, but no more attention whatsoever in terms of actually being chatted up or with anyone engaging me in conversation. So the QUALITY of attention is not really any different, or, if anything, it's more superficial. Some younger women will definitely use thin-ness as a way of attracting a lot of initial attention - it doesn't necessarily guarantee a quality relationship or make the guy attracted on a deeper level. And I think as guys get older they realise that they wan't more than just a doll-like creature - not all, but some.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (18 July 2014):
 I don't think that's actually the case.
I like a full figured curvy girl and a thick man.
very skinny anorexic looking people are a turn off for me.
I have been size 28 as an adult and size 4 as an adult
currently carrying a bit of extra weight and about a size 10/12 which is not bad but i'm a bit chunkier than I like.
My husband thinks I'm perfect and i get lots of attention and head turning... (Mostly from 60 70 and 80 yr old guys but it's still attention)
perhaps when you are thinner you carry yourself differently?
I know when I feel like i look thinner and attractive I smile more, I walk a bit faster and a bit taller... (so hard to do at 5'2")
my "healthy weight" is 50 pounds below what I currently weigh....but for a middle aged lady i am very healthy and my doctors are all pleased with where I am.
the height and weight charts were written years ago for insurance purposes... (and if you read them they are talking about in clothes with 2 inch heels)
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 July 2014):
 Because " healthy " is not necessarily one and the same with " esthetically outstanding, visually exciting ".
If you are , say 5'3 and 140, even 150, pounds, you are healthy- you are not obese, not much risk of coronary disease or joint damage.
Chances are though that you'll be a bit boxy or chunky, with not much of a wastline to speak of.
That's not what the eye authomatically will notice and appreciate.
And before we blame media or fashion magazines or cultural fads ( which, of course, have their influence too )- it's since the ancient Greeks or before we have this kind of hung ups.
Beauty has always been FELT as a matter of symmetry, sizes, proportions, an interplay of parts that relate to other parts in a certain way. Euclides came up with a number, the golden ratio, 1:0,618 that supposedly reflects the perfect proportions.
Funnily enough, that's a number that shows up frequently in nature, for instance each spiral of a shell is 0,618 times bigger than the previous one, but there are many other examples.
In the Renaissance artists were big on the golden ratio, and this is why the Venus of Botticelli's navel is exactly at the same height of Michelangelo's David 's navel- exactly at 61,8% of their total height ( and they both DO look mighty good :).
Ths does not just mean that Greek philosophers and Renaissance artists had a lot of time on their hands, ( that too ), it means that there are NEUROLOGICAL mechanisms at play, entrenched in our brain, that makes us more attracted to certain ratios, certain proportions, certain interplay of sizes than others.
Experiment have been conducted with 8 months old babies , .. and they too look several seconds longer at people with certain body traits, say , longer legs as opposed to shorter, and stuff like that.
In this light is not so weird if generally people- always in the range of HEALTHY- prefer slim to stockier. Btw, you can be slim AND healthy !, so let's say healthy, but on the lower end of the healthy scale.
Two notes, though :
personally, I haven't noticed at all what you mention, I think it may be a perception of yours that you are projecting. Slim is liked, but UNDERWEIGHT ? war prisoner skinny, with bones sticking out all over ?... I can't say I have found anybody who loves that, except on the pages of fashion magazines , because it makes clothes resalt more. Then again, even the models I have met IRL were THIN, were flat ( not all ), were narrow hipped .. had elongated proportions maybe... but they did not look like skeletons.
More importantly,.. although apparently there IS a neuro-physiological basis for our idea of attractive, thankfully this is not maths, individual perceptions , tastes and preferences , socially and culturally influenced or just quirky and random,play a humongous role, there are plenty of variables. You will always find men who like them slim, medium, thick, big, HUGE according to their own idea of what's attractive.
In conclusion, I think you just HAPPENED to notice the 10 guys who were leering at you when you were underweight . But maybe you did not pay attenton to the 10 or 20, or 50 guys who were leering at you when you were at your usual weight...
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A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (18 July 2014):
 Hello,
I prefer a bit of meat please. The Anorexic look is not good - shapely legs, few curves, a bit of shape is what I look for. I prefer a slightly larger woman to a stick insect.
There are some men who go for ridiculously skinny girls, usually younger lads who see a lot of pipe cleaner women in men's magazines. Maybe they associate girls who look like they may slip between the cracks in the pavement/sidewalk with airbrushed models they see in magazines?
Ive spoken about this to people before and one of the things I have picked up is that very skinny young women have a vulnerability about them in the eyes of some men, and an almost child like physique. Some man are attracted to that. Not necessarily in terms of being attracted to underage girls, but certain very thin women, to some men at least, look like they are vulnerable and weak and that put the man in the perceived position of the dominant, stronger partner sexually.
Strangely enough, ive noticed a lot of male models are now wafer thin. Anyone else spotted this? Turn them side on and they would be invisible! Male models in lads mags (I don't read them myself, only dirty books and comics) used to be hunky, handsome, muscle bound guys of about 30....I was considering being one myself, ahem. Now they are all about 17, have corpse like facial expressions and are 7 foot 9 and two and a half stone. Dear oh Dear.
Yes some men SAY one things about what they are attracted to but in reality go for the opposite, but then so do some women. Lots of women claim to look for a "good sense of humour" or "personality" above a hunky, tonned male body or a guy who is filthy rich....in reality an ugly git like me would get lots more female attention if I was suddenly in possession of a few million pounds or had a body like Daniel Craig, regardless of my personality or sense of humour. ;-)
Its part of life: my close male friend who is young, small and white REALLY gets excited by huge west indian woman aged around 60, another friend had a succession of relationships with women who were really short, I prefer a few curves and my brother goes for the fake boob, hair extensions, orange tan look which I personally can stand. We all like different things.
Mark
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2014): Some people just look better thin, you must be one of them.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2014): Everyone has preferences. I, myself am turned on by curvy women with meat in all the right places. I actually dont even mind a little pudgyness. Thin women dont do it for me anymore, havent done it for me since middle school. Like I said, everyone has a different sort of interest. You're just noticing many guys with the same one.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2014): You're making comparisons between average everyday women and models in magazines. The athletic body accentuates curves; and exhibits toning that you may not see on the "average body."
The athlete vs. the couch-potato is no comparison; if you want to talk about what pleases the eye. There is really more to attraction than appearance. Men just happen to be visual creatures.
That doesn't mean people (not just men) don't appreciate the natural curves and contours of a natural "healthy" body. Artificially-created body's draw more attention by novelty-effect. Natural beauty does better; because it seems to have a surprising appeal. You do a double-take.
It's the uniqueness, not the weight. All my plus-sized girlfriends are either married; or have long-term boyfriends. They were that way before, and still are.
They know as they age, they'll need to watch that diet.
You don't have to be slim/skinny to be sexy and attractive to men. There's confidence, good-grooming, fashionable attire to compliment what you have; and the attitude a woman projects that says she loves who she is and doesn't give a damn about how pretty the next gal is. She knows she's hot, and that's that. You want to blame men for destroying the confidence of women go ahead. Men have exactly the same insecurities. Women don't hold a patent on it. We'll go toe to toe, point for point; on the things women expect that we don't live up to physically.
Too much fat is not a healthy body, not having enough muscle on the bones isn't healthy either. Excess fat is not attractive. Exposed ribs, knobby knees, skinny arms and legs, with countable spinal bones poking out; is not a sight men look for, if just casually girl-watching.
Yes, media has conditioned everyone to be image-conscious; but nature will not be outdone. We are wired by our genes, and no matter what the commercials and ads say; beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Tastes are more realistic when searching for a mate. We may have the ideal "dream-woman" or "dream-man" visualized in our imaginations; but we usually fall in-love with someone as average as we are. Some actually find someone with exceptional looks; but the looker is pleased with whom they've found. Looks were apparently not a prerequisite.
Male or female.
Naturally a specimen of health and exercise is going to draw more stares than a chubby lady with a pot-belly, and cottage-cheese thighs. Or the guy with man-boobs and a beer-gut over his belt. Let's be realistic, please.
Women want men to tell them that flabby is hot and beautiful. It is, and it isn't. Chubby-chasers like grossly obese women. Some ladies like big-daddies. "Bears," as we gay men would refer to them. If they're big and hairy. There's a taste for everyone.
If it's that person you fell in-love with who changed over-time, nothing kills that love. Weight just changes the visual-appeal. It isn't that noticeable; unless looks was the reason the person was attracted to you in the first place.
The times changes the perceptions of what is regarded as sexy and what is not. Healthy women and men with a huskier build is becoming quite the norm; and it looks pretty damned good when they are physically active and health-conscious.
Don't get it twisted. Excessive folds and bulges ARE NOT SEXY, OR MUCH OF A VISUAL TURN ON!!! There, I've said it.
Unless they are well distributed, and a person is well-proportioned. These deposits of fat are an indication of a very rich diet. One full of sugar, unhealthy carbohydrates, and fats. Don't confuse "healthy" with obesity. It's not the same. Some cultures would say it was a sign of contentment and wealth. In America, it's over-indulgence, and a lack of exercise. Poor diet.
Don't use extreme comparisons to make men into degrading misogynist; because they admire "commercialized beauty."
It's not real, it's fake. We know the difference.
Unless you're disabled, aging, or afflicted with a chronic medical disorder; letting the body go is a choice. Hating even the simplest exercise, and over-eating is something we should all be concerned about. Not if people will be attracted to us if we do. People will love you regardless; they just may not like seeing you blowup three-times your regular size.
If you do nothing about your health, the body will punish you for it. It doesn't matter what men think. You should be more concerned about your doctor's opinion.
Too much weight doesn't look good on men either. One of the reasons women lose interest in sex, is they are not particularly turned-on by a flabby to big-fat guy; who just completely let himself go. Lying on top of them moaning and groaning. That is sooooooo gross.
Now a husky beefy guy, say for example. I know the ladies like them. I like them too! As men, we just wear our extra-weight a bit differently. That's all. Women are more forgiving about looks. More concerned about feelings and emotions.
The body is not meant to be fat. If it was; there would be no diabetes, high blood-pressure, heart disease, and people would not have strokes. There is always someone trying to make a case for being over-weight; or just doing nothing to keep the body active and flexible. All the while, medical science is trying to prove to everyone that it is not healthy for you. Never-mind aesthetics!
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A
female
reader, ImissFuturama +, writes (18 July 2014):
 I think a lot of guys like thin women who have curves. You can be a bit underweight and still have nice hips, boobs, and butt. Most guys don't like women so thin they have literally no curves at all, if that's what you mean.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2014): Yes, male friends of mine love the real skinny look. But not me. For me it's a turn off. Normal size, a bit extra, does it for me.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (18 July 2014):
 I think you get attention when you were underweight because most women your age are overweight. It is a rarity to see a slim woman nowadays. People not just men, will wonder, do you work out or do you simply have good genes? Average women don't get stares because they are everywhere. But in bed or when naked a man likes some meat to fondle. Overall slim women are better to look at because we have been conditioned by magazines that slim is the ideal. It is confusing but men are not looking for perfection. As a partner many prefer plain janes. There's the homey and comfort factor whereas a slim woman is something unattainable and what men put on a pedestal.
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