A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello readers. I hope you can give me some insight in the hope that I would understand my feelings and know what to do.Firstly I have a gf, been together for 1.5yrs. I don't know if I love her or if I am emotionally attached. She says she loves me but I don't know if that's really the case.Secondly, there is this other girl. I fancy her a lot. I want to take her out and I know she wants me to. Do I tell my gf that I fancy someone else? I don't know what to do. I want to explore this new girl but don't want to lose something I already have.is this common? please help. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Staceily  +, writes (15 August 2014):
 I agree with the other posters. I'll add, you are young. You have been with this girl for over a year and can't say you love her. It is doubtful you will end up marrying this girl as you are both young and not sure about love. Why waste any time? Go have fun. Date this new girl, date other girls. It doesn't matter if it doesn't work with the new girl, you shouldn't be with your current girlfriend anyway. If the new chick doesn't work out then date some more girls.
Don't settle down at a young age for someone you aren't even sure you love.. You are missing out on life because you are scared and are settling for less than what you want. And wasting both of your lives. You will know when you are with the right person because after 1 1/2 years you won't be questioning your feelings or wanting anyone else, you will be planning a future with her.
A
female
reader, SeaGreen  +, writes (13 August 2014):
 Since you want to date another girl then you shouldn't stay with your girlfriend. Break-up with her immediately.
Then you can focus your attention on the other girl. It's unacceptable to stay with your girlfriend while you want to try out a new girl.
It would be a good idea to stay single for a while and reflect what you really want in a relationship and why you weren't satisfied in your old one. Also you might want to be a bit more loyal when you get a new girlfriend. Interacting with girls that you know want to date you (while you are in a relationship) is not considered being loyal at all.
...............................
A
female
reader, YoungButNotNaive  +, writes (13 August 2014):
 "Is this common?"Yes and no. Every person in a committed relationship experiences attraction to others from time to time, even if it is only slight. However, this isn't just a little crush. You're actually considering this other woman. DO NOT go ahead and take her out while keeping your girlfriend as your "fall back crutch" in case it doesn't go anywhere. This other woman shouldn't even know about your feelings toward her. This means you, to an extent, have been making your interest known to her. You shouldn't be doing this as long as you're in a committed relationship with someone else. You should really ask yourself what you're feeling toward this other woman. If it's only lust, you should cut contact with her if possible. Then work on your relationship. Lust can be a powerful emotion, and messing with your head, making you think you don't love your girlfriend. It's a distraction, basically. If you work with her, it will be more difficult to cut ties, but you can still back off. Only talk about work related things, and keep eye contact to a minimum. No staring into each others eyes, no ogling, keep your focus on your work. It's not impossible to overcome this. You just have to make up your mind you're going to do it. If you have genuine feelings toward this other woman, then the right thing to do is end your relationship BEFORE asking her out.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2014): Is this 'new' girl someone you have recently met?
From what you are describing you are clearly 'exploring' her anyway since you already know she is interested.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2014): Break up with your Girlfriend and stop using her as a safety net.
As for the other girl if you like her then try it out but not until you've broken up with your Girlfriend.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2014): 5* goes to Sageoldguy. Very good answer.
There is such thing that is called commitment. And there is such thing as you gently called "exploring". Some people call playing around, sleeping around, and so on.
You are not ready to commit obviously, then play around, break hearts, cheat,do what 20 something year old guys do. One day though , and this day will come, you would want to be with that only one.
...............................
A
female
reader, Intrigued3000 +, writes (13 August 2014):
 I don't think you're in love with your gf anymore. She is just a safety net to you. The honourable thing to do would be to end your relationship with your gf before you start dating this other girl.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2014): Poor gf. Well if you arent sure about her break up with her.
She is so unlucky to have someone like you. As girl you fancy, spare her, are u sure you really want to be with her? Or just lust?
I dont think if you are ready for a relatonship. If you cant be faithful to one dont get a gf just play around no strings attach so no one will get hurt.
No woman in her right mind would wish to be associated with someone like you.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2014): Poor gf. Well if you arent sure about her break up with her.
She is so unlucky to have someone like you. As girl you fancy, spare her, are u sure you really want to be with her? Or just lust?
I dont think if you are ready for a relatonship. If you cant be faithful to one dont get a gf just play around no strings attach so no one will get hurt.
I do not wish to be associated with someone like you.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (13 August 2014):
 What you are experiencing is the "kid in a candy store" syndrome. Get used to it.... as you are going to continue to experience it, from now until the day you die.....
This happens because we guys are sure that there is ALWAYS that perfect girl, out there, somewhere.... and we are sure to encounter her SOME DAY!!!!!
The problem with this (concept) is that the girls you pick-up, shake, smell, taste and have sex with, won't cooperate, and encourage you to live through this experience. THEY - for the most part - are looking for solid, steady, dependable men-friends/partners and husbands.... Isn't it a bi*ch that the Good Lord didn't make women completely mindless, so that we (men) could go through life IN that candy store???? .... and try the M&Ms?, the Hershey bars? ... the Good-n-Plentys? .. and all the other confections that were going to come in to our purview?????
Whilest you're young.... go ahead and live that "candy-store" existance.... BUT, be aware that SOME DAY you are going to have to - or want to - have a steady, dependable, warm loving woman for a partner... and SHE is likely to tell you that you MUST leave the candy store....
Good luck...
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2014): The answer to whether this is common, is yes. It's a prelude to cheating. It starts with roaming eyes. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. You're bored with having a girlfriend, and being in a commitment. Little "willie" wants to go out and play. He wants a new playmate.
Breakup with your girlfriend. You don't seem to want to re-energize what you have. You're fancying another female instead. You claim she loves you, but you don't know if this is the case? Well, even more of a reason to let her go. After over 18 months and you still have your doubts, why waste any more of your time, or hers. You'd rather checkout that other girl.
I guess it's time to dump her. You're already out shopping for her replacement.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 August 2014):
 I agree that if after 1.5 years you are not sure if you love her then you don't. the fact that you want to explore with others is enough to see you are not happy.
IF you don't want to lose your "sure thing" then you can ask her for permission to date others... but know that it's the beginning of the end.
...............................
A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (13 August 2014):
 If you don't love your girlfriend, break up with her. You shouldn't have let it go on for so long.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 August 2014):
 Well if you aren't SURE after 1 1/2 years if you WANT to be with your GF and she wants to be with you, I suggest you do the right thing and BREAK up with your GF.
And stringing your GF along because you aren't sure isn't fair, just so YOU won't end up alone. Kind of selfish. You have obviously been talking to girl #2 to know that she wants to date you or at least go out. HOW would you feel if your GF was in your shoes and she was out there looking for YOUR replacement?
However, remember this... the grass is not always greener.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2014): You obviously don't have enough affection / respect / love for your girlfriend to maintain a relationship beyond what you have. Given the fact you have been with your girlfriend for a year and a half I think you should do the right thing and finish the relationship with her - tell her you need time apart as you don't think you feel the way you should be. At the moment you want to use your currently girlfriend like a 'safety net' in case the new girl doesn't work out. You are only thinking of yourself. Its time to draw a line, do the right thing and give yourself some space. Can you be without both girls for now? Being confused, using someone and hurting potentially two people's feelings is not acceptable.
...............................
|
