A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My bf, of 4 years, and I just broke up like 20 mins ago. I saw it coming for months now. Since January nothing had been the same. He was distant, disrespectful and basically seemed to live to make me miserable. I tried to work things out for the last 5 months and he didn't seem to give a shit. He just acted like he hated me. I was in love with this man at one time. He was my first true love. I'm 32 and he's 36 but he was the first man I'd really ever loved, and I'd been married in the past. I'd never felt about anyone the way I felt about him. As a result I bent over backwards for him, too. Anytime he needed me I came running but he didn't do the same for me. The last 5 months or so he'd neglected me, only wanted to see me when he decided which was usually once a week. He'd just totally changed into something else and claimed it was me just being childish, dramatic and whiny bitch.He would do things to try and hurt me after asking me not to do anything of the sort. He didn't want me doing certain things yet he would do them, if I got mad he didn't like it and called me a childish bitch. He went out of his way to try and bring me down as low as he could. Tonight all hell broke loose and I said things I'd never said before. I'm so exhausted from his drama that tonight I went from an angel into a devil. I said every hurtful thing I could think of and he finally deleted me from facebook. I told him thanks for doing it and he said "dont worry you can still come see me this weekend". It's obvious he doesn't give a flying fuck about me and probably never did. It was an act I suppose. The way he ended up treating me is the exact same way he treated everyone else he was with. He has totally broken me. I am not the same person I was when we met. I used to be happy, bubbly, confident, funny. He's turned me into an uptight, nagging, insecure bitch and I don't like who I am.When he told me that I could still see him I told him that it was completely over now and that I'm never looking back and wished him the best. I immediately blocked him on facebook, deleted all numbers and am moving on with my life. However, I'm hurting but we've broken up so many times before that I knew it was coming so I'm not as shocked. I'm crying here and there and am sad, I miss what we once had but I know I can do so much better. I know I deserve better than what he's given me. I'm not ever letting this man back into my life because I know it would be nothing but pure hell if I did. It's odd because his family and friends, and even him, always said I was the best thing to happen to him. So why treat me like such shit if that's the case. He fucked up a good thing and blamed it all on me.He'll be lucky to find someone who loved and cared about him as much as I did. Someone who will be there for him as much as I did. This is what he does though. He mistreats everyone he comes in contact with. He was abandoned as a child by his parents. No one seems to give a shit about him even today. No one really truly seems to care if he lives or dies because he's treated people like such crap. He's constantly going to the hospital for some kind of injury or some sob story that happened to him. His entire life is a mess. His whole life is a dramatic soap opera. I'm glad to be away from it all. I feel like I can finally breathe. I'm sorry this is long. I'm sad, mad, relieved. Share your thoughts. Just need some support I guess.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (5 August 2014):
 Did you buy the book So Very Confused recommended? If not, focus on ordering it today.
If you are this distraught over dreams, definitely seek counseling.
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (5 August 2014):
 You need counseling. This is beyond the realm of DC. You dont seem to have moved forward at all despite all the help that you've got and this isn't healthy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm having a hard time today. I had a dream about him early this morning, which felt like it lasted forever. After I woke up I masturbated thinking about him, which tells me I'm not over him yet. I haven't heard from him since my last update, about 5 days ago. We've been broken up for 6 weeks this coming Thursday and it's been almost 5 weeks of no contact on my part. I keep reminding myself of the bad things and then I'll start to miss the way he made me laugh, or his smell, or the way he brushed my hair out of my face sometimes before kissing me... and then I force the bad thoughts again.I still love him, I know I do. I hate dreaming about him. This is hard and feels never-ending. I'm okay for a week and then it's like everything is moving in slow motion. :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhile we were together I'd always go and look around on CL and would sometimes go read the personal ads, never contacted anyone or anything of the sort, just read them and looked at local pictures curious if anyone was on there I know. He knew this and was kind of insecure as to why I'd be in the personal section and would sometimes go look himself to see if anything fishy was going on with me. Well, right after I broke up with him I made a decision to post a personal ad on craigslist. I posted the ad 2 days after our BU, which was the end of June. I got some replies but never followed up with anything.
Anyway, he was snooping around online I suppose and found my ad yesterday. He text me at 2am this morning and said that he was drunk and just wanted to tell me that I didn't have to go on CL to find a "drama free" relationship and someone "who makes me laugh". He said "I did care about you more than i thought i guess.. i still aint been with nobody, my choice, not the bitches, cause we know bitches fuck". He then went on to say that he wasn't asking for me back or anything but that if I'm looking for a relationship that CL should be the last place. Then he ended the text by saying he was going to drive home and hope he doesn't get pulled over.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2014): OK he has gone from pathetic to creepy; it might be time to let friends or family know and, just possibly, law enforcement and show them the texts to see if they can do anything.
If you have a house phone in your name, get it delisted (and maybe change the number too) so he can't trace you that way.
I would then block his number and maybe get some mace?
This is WAY beyond normal as he is pretty much stalking you, which is unacceptable as hell.
Ewww not good!
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just started working at a new location about 3 weeks ago. Right after my last update Tuesday (like 20 mins), he text me and said he just moved to that same city and how maybe we'll run into one another one day. Then he laughed and went on to tell me exactly what house and location he lives in and ended the text with "muahahaha". How he found out I'm working in that new city is beyond me. I ignored that one as well and this morning at 3am he "accidentally" sent me a blank text. Only I know what phone he has and he has to actually open my name or whatever so it would be hard to send one accidentally. I just don't get it. He acted like he didn't want this relationship anymore so I finally gave up and let his ass go... only he isn't going... entirely. It makes NO sense to me whatsoever. Why he can't just delete my number and NOT contact me like I've done makes no sense. That's what he seemed to want. I'm doing fine. I'm slowly getting better and he is helping by being so stupid. We've been broken up 5 weeks today and I've been NC for 4 weeks.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 July 2014):
 It's a tough struggle OP but keep walking the walk.
ONE day you will wake up and he will not be the first thing on your mind.
and then slowly day by day you won't even realize it... till one day you don't think about him till you are getting ready for bed... Healing over something like this is so hard and it takes time and patience.
I strongly urge you to get a copy of the book "A Fine Romance" by Judith Sills. It was my bible in my early 30s for helping me get through relationship trauma.
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female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (30 July 2014):
 You must remember that you are in a better place than you would be if you reconciled with him and you certainly don't want to start from scratch again. You need to start going out with friends and having a life. It makes a world of difference in terms of moving forward. Even if you don't want to go out, get dressed and go out, its part of letting go and wating to start afresh.
Chin up you will have better days, he is not worth you pain and hurt.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, we've been broken up 5 weeks this coming Thursday. I've been NC for 4 weeks this coming Friday. I haven't heard from him since his "accidental" text last Wednesday. The time has flew by since our BU but I'm still struggling. These last couple of days have really sucked. I had a dream about him 2 nights ago and have been missing him lately. I keep forcing myself to remember all the bad things and that seems to help. I'm remaining NC and await the day I can finally say my heart has moved on. This man has broken me and I guess he's won for the time being. I'm not the same person I was when he met me. I've lost my confidence, my happiness. I've lost all those things that he once loved about me. He's probably feeling pretty good, living his life as he did before I came in the picture, not a care in the world but I *will* get over this. No matter what, I'll become that happy woman I used to be and he'll still be miserable. His life will still be filled with lies, drama, misery. In some sad way that gives me pleasure and strength to keep moving forward.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLet me add that in our 4 year relationship he accidentally text me like once and that was when we text each other all throughout the day. This man has had NO contact from me for 3 weeks now so he shouldn't have a reason to accidentally text me. He doesn't have messages popping up from me therefore he shouldn't be making that mistake.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo I just got woken up (it's 12:30 am) by a text from my ex that says "Hey buddy where are you I'm not sitting in JC forever". JC refers to a place in town where all the clubs are and where everyone goes to on wed/thurs and weekends to party/drink. He'd always (even last Wednesday) text me something late like this to imply he thought I was out clubbing or getting into some kind of trouble. Last Wed the text said "come fuck me on your way home from the club" even though I was in bed sleeping. This text tonight pisses me off because either A) he did it accidentally and really sent it to the wrong person, ME, or B) he sent it to me on purpose to make me think he's out partying and to get a rise out of me. Nothing else he's said in the last 3 weeks has provoked a response so it's possible it's the latter but I don't know. I'm here sleepy and pissy. lol. I'm not going to reply. It's been 3 weeks since NC and 4 weeks since our BU. I don't understand why he just won't delete my number and go on with his life. He dgaf the last part of our relationship so I let his ass go so why contact me at all? I gave him what he clearly wanted, to be set free but for some reason he feels the need to text me something completely stupid every week.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAfter my little breakdown last night I finally got over it and it didn't bother me anymore. I know that if I broke contact I'd feel much worse than I did seeing he'd like some facebook girls so my hurt eased off and I still felt okay. Anyway, he text me this morning, after being quiet for 7 days, and said "come fuck me one last time before I move". He's such an idiot. I don't even know why I care. I'm going to maintain NC and keep looking forward. It feels like it's a million miles away but one day I'll reach indifference and will look back on him and wonder wtf I was thinking.
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (20 July 2014):
 Are you really surprised ?...You said you've seen the BU coming for ages- your bf was distant, disrespectful and lived to make you miserable. He acted as if he hated you and showed he did not give a flying fuck.
So , if now he seems not to give a flying fuck,.... it's probably because he actually does not give a flyng fuck, which should not come as a big shock, since he already had checked out emotionally from your relationship and signalled that clearly. Which does not make his attitude now less hurtful, perhaps, - but , certainly more expectable and explainable, I figure ?.
Moral of the story, you should just STOP cyberspyng him and checking what he does . Apparently he has has found something to entertain himself and pass the time, leave him to it, and you too find other uses for your time to distract and calm yourself, since a ) you need to move on and b ) checking on him does not bring you any comfort.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLet me just add that my ex masturbated, had porn at his place and it was never a problem within our relationship. When I said it was a problem in my last post, it was something deeper than him just masturbating that became an issue. I feel like I'm hurting over our BU and all he cares about is looking up sexy girls on facebook and pleasuring himself. It makes me feel like he's more concerned with that than the fact he lost me after 4 years spent together. What he's doing now isn't any of my business but it does hurt to think he doesn't give a flying fuck. "So what if my girlfriend of 4 years left me, let me fap to this girl right fast". *rolls eyes*
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI haven't heard from him since last Sunday so it's been 6 days since he's attempted to contact me. I made the mistake of looking at his facebook earlier and just about an hour ago he went on there "liking" a bunch of sexy girls. I feel like I could puke. He lost someone he was with for 4 years and all he gives a shit about is beating his meat to these facebook sluts. And that's what he does, he's told me.
He can't look at a sexy chick without running off to fap to her (which was a problem in our relationship). I feel disgusted by that. When we were together we had a rule we wouldn't add random people of the opposite sex nor like anything "sexy" out of respect for each other, now he's gone "like" crazy. Lesson learned I guess.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 July 2014):
I had a dream last night too.. that i did my own nails.
NEITHER YOUR DREAM OR MINE is coming true.
hang in there OP... you are at the absolute worst time of the break up.... you need to get over this hump. I am betting the weekend will suck for you and if you need to message me to stay strong do so. DO NOT let this get the best of you..
your doing great.
your dream is not a wish to be with him but rather a dream to find a good lasting healthy love... that takes time and you need to continue to mourn your loss now.
this pain will pass.
THIS I PROMISE.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI woke up this morning and cried my eyes out before even getting out of bed. I also had a dream about him last night that we were reconciling, which isn't going to happen. Hopefully after having that good cry I'll be okay and keep pressing on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFor some reason I'm missing my ex so much tonight. I feel like crying my eyes out. It's been 3 weeks since our BU, and 12 days since NC, although he's contacted me in that time. It's been 12 days since I've spoken to him. On his end it looks as if I've disappeared. I don't know what's going on with me today but I'm overly emotional. I have been reminding myself of the bad things but today I just feel sad, empty.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 July 2014):
Don't even look at the texts.. just delete them without reading them...
he's really an idiot... and not worth your time.
stay strong.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe've been broken up 17 days. I haven't broken NC for 9 days. This morning, while I was in church nonetheless, he text me a picture of his dog (he knew how much i loved him) and it said "peanut butter and your pussy and i'll show you a hell of a time". I didn't reply. I figured if he didn't text me today, he usually would on Sunday, it would be about the middle of next week. He'll get the point eventually. It isn't bothering me anymore. It's actually helping me to move on. It shows me how stupid he is and how much better I deserve.Obviously he's going to say whatever in hopes of getting a response. I ignore them. I'm SO much better off without him. I'm not thinking about him every second of the day anymore, I'm not crying anymore, I'm not as worried about what he's doing or who he's doing it with. I can't wait to finally get to that finish line.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt would be very troublesome/expensive to change it. If things got worse I'd have no other choice but as of right now I think it's okay. He probably won't send another one until next week and that will be to see if he can get a response. He may never text me again, who knows.
@Cindy - No, he was never trying to get me to come over and have sex with him as a fuck buddy. We got to where we couldn't be around each other without fighting so we just haven't went around each other. He got to a point where he didn't care anymore and therefore I gave up trying to make it work. He texts me those things not actually to have me come over for sex, it's strictly to get a response. He's always been this way. He wants me to react somehow. If I bitch, it shows him I still care. If I reply it shows him I'm still around. So I've chosen to move on and no longer say anything. I'm doing better slowly. I've been 7 days NC. I haven't spoken to him since last Friday.
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (11 July 2014):
OP, this will sound patronizing maybe, but I wonder : if this is his usual M.O.- ignoring you for a week or more, then sending you a " cum fuck me " text on a weekend late night... rinse and repeat ... has not ever dawned on you that most probably you aren't / weren't his gf anymore, but you had been demoted to FBW - or fuck buddy actually ?...
And that distancing you / breaking up / reconnecting does not actually mean you were " breaking up ", only that he was shaking you off his back and keeping you at arm's length... until he was good and ready for another roll in the hay ?...
I also won't scold you for not being motivated enough to break this vicious cycle, because you admit it openly - you aren't motivated enough. But the day you will be , what's this story about not being able to change number " for work ". OP, multinational business, banks or.. police headquyarters happened to change their number, imagine if an employee can't. I think what you mean by " can't " it is not that it is impossible, only that it will be inconvenient, troublesome or expensive.
But , if you get REALLY fed up of his attempts to contact you, I think going through some inconvenience and expense is worth the result. The last anon poster also brings up a good point, officially you are not in a relationship anymore yet he keeps sending you sexual messages- that's harassment , and it's a POLICE matter. Wait a little more to see if he gets tired on his own, .. but if he does not, get serious, and show your teeth ( and not in a smile ) : go to the police and press charges.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2014): I know that you've said that it's not possible for you to block his calls but I think you ought to move hell and high water to do this if his perstering of you is really bringing you down or makes you want to contact him again (even if it's just to tell him to piss off)
You say you can't change your number "because of work" but I'm not sure if I completely understand that. If it's just so your work can contact you, then it should be a relatively simple process of gradually switching phones as colleagues and coworkers get to know your new number. Even businesses manage to change their premeses and contact details. Or is your ex also a colleague (meaning that he would easily be able to get hold of any new number)?
Is the phone issued to you by work and do they pay for it? I can understand that you might be reluctant to admit to your managers that you need a new work phone because you're being stalked by your unhinged ex but it might come to that if he doesn't let up.
It does sound however that things are slowly tailing off despite those couple of hitches where your resolve wobbled so if you're sure you can remain strong things might improve of their own accord. If he's still texting you more than four weeks after the break-up, then I think it's time to involve the police because he's sexually harrassing you
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI can't change the number due to work and the phone doesn't have blocking capability. The only option is to ignore/delete. That's what I've been doing. He's done this same bs in the past and I'd always text him back and we'd start all over again. I'm assuming he thought if he text me that I'd text him back "bitching" that I'm at home in bed and he's the one probably out and blah blah blah. He wants a reaction.
This time I'm over it. I'm finally ready to move on. I'm just kind of using this to post my feelings/thoughts every now and then.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 July 2014):
why have you not blocked him from contacting you?
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, he was quite from Friday night until like 1:30 this morning. He sent me a text that said "cum fuck me on ur way in from the club". I was actually sleeping and not partying. He's so stupid. I'm glad it's over. I didn't reply and I'm not going to. That text proves he'll never change nor have any respect. He always does this. He'll go quiet for a week then send me some stupid bullshit text. I don't want that drama back.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 July 2014):
Sadly you should be 12 days no contact since that's when you broke up.
YOUR feelings of up and down and back and forth are normal.
stay strong and just say NO to him.
time heals... 12 days is not a lot of time... give it 4 more weeks and you will be feeling much better.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I woke up from a dream this morning where he was holding hands/dating another woman. It's kind of put me in a funk at the moment. It's been 12 days since our BU. No contact since Friday night. I'm gonna be okay... eventually. I keep trying to remind myself of the bad things.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo be completely honest, I really don't know what I'm feeling. One minute I'm sad, the next I'm fine, the next I'm angry, the next I'm okay. I know he isn't going to attempt to make things right. I tried for 5 months and feel it was a total bust. In the end I'm better off without him so I know this is the best decision for myself. Do I hope, deep inside, he'll come back and try to make things right? Yes, of course I do. I still love him but I'm forcing myself to move on. I don't know what else to do. He's all I've thought about the last 2 days. I think I need a good cry and I'll be okay.
We've been through this before. We've broken up in the past and always managed to get back together. This time feels like the right time for me to finally break away. I haven't heard from him since Friday night and I have a feeling I won't again.
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (7 July 2014):
Yeah well, surely a long, heated, emotional confrontation after just seven days from a BU would not win the prize for most effective, coherent No Contact of the year, but so be it. One can always go back on track.
You 've got to be honest with yourself, though, and clear about what you want.
If you want to leave him and move on, do not contact him ever and do not answer him ever. No matter what he says. Do not react to provocations.
If you want to forgive him and take him back, then forgive him and take him back ( at your own risk and peril, but- only you know what you prefer : having a bf, or your peace of mind ).
Do not go mixing the two things, what's the point of emotional showdowns with an EX ? What's the point of rehashing everything that was wrong in the past ? It's in the past, and there's no way now to change a iota of anything which has already occurred.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's been 10 days since our BU. After out little fight on Friday, he text me that night asking me what I was doing and told me he was babysitting for a friend. I didn't reply and haven't heard from him since. I'm doing alright. I wish contact hadn't of been broken but I'm back to it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe texted the same thing about 3x in a row so I replied and told him it was over, that I'm moving on and how I'm happier without him in my life. I told him that he was the worst thing had ever happened to me and that I'm glad it's over. When I told him it's time to move on with his life this is what he said back; "Ok i wil dif tnght and u never new the real me but after tnght u wil bye forever ." - whatever the fuck that means. Then, the insults started. He started telling me how bad the sex was and how I sucked at this and sucked at that. He's the one been telling me to come fuck him all week, remember? He's so stupid. He also told me he's moved on too and whatever else he could think of to say to bug me. I left it that and nothing's been said since. I'm just getting to where I hate him.
He's pissed at me for what? Getting tired of his shit? Finally standing up for myself? I have a son who is almost 15 and he's more mature than my ex. A soap opera, I swear.
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (4 July 2014):
" suck my dick for helping you ? " ...Is he mentally ill ?...
Back to ignore ignore ignore, and mean it this time. It does not matter if he is the Wizard of Oz, or has the secret to save mankind from a worlwide catastrophe-do not ask him anything. DON'T ask for his help. Start realizing that he is not part of your life anymore and that in some instances ( yours seem to be one ) parting ways MUST mean parting ways totally and finally ,no exceptions.
If you neither contact him nor respond, sooner or later he'll get tired of harassing you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe just sent me a text that says "Now suck my dick for helping you". This is why I don't want to go back to him. He's never going to grow up. No matter who, what, when, how, where, he's going to act like an ass.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThis was a have to case that involved something that came up at my work. This definitely wasn't me wanting to talk to him nor him start talking to me. I can't change my number due to work and my phone doesn't have blocking capability so I've only been able to ignore him. We exchanged about 8 texts, all professional and that was it. I still have him blocked on facebook and his number out of my phone. I've hidden all photos and have been moving on day by day but this was a situation where he was the ONLY one who knew what to do. If he was really dead I'd have been fucked yesterday.
I'd actually tried posting a new question about it but they wouldn't let me post it. I'm just going to go back to doing what I was, ignoring him. I don't want to start talking to him again because he'd be nothing but drama. He's just flat out an asshole and was surpisingly helpful yesterday. I don't want back in this mess but I did go to bed last night feeling rather bad. I hadn't cried all week since our BU and I cried myself to sleep last night. I'll be fine again.
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (4 July 2014):
What do you do ?... sigh... you start all over again. The moving on process and the ignoring. And try harder this time. This, if you are serious about wanting to STAY broken up.
It's like following a diet, or quitting smoking. You fall off the wagon- and you restart from scratch. Accepting though that withdrawal symptoms are inevitable part of the experience, and that if you yield at the first, minimal sign of discomfort- you'll never be done with it, so might as well be honest with yourself, accept that you do not REALLY want what you say you want ( losing weight , ditching the bf )- and postpone to when you'll be motivated enough.
So you really really HAD to contact him :) ? .. Uhm... Aunt Cindy is not born yesterday, OP, LOL. That's not true unless in absurdely exceptional cases. You see, the trick in NC is to pretend that they are DEAD ( God forbid of course ) , that you CAN'T get answers of them, and then act accirdingly.
So, you do not text them " Hey, where the heck did you put the ironing board ?, I can't find it anywhere !, and I have a job interview tomorrow morning ! ". You go out, and you BUY another ironing board. So you'll end up with two ironing boards ? so be it. You do whatever it takes to wean yourself off a bad relationship.
I repeat, unless it's really life or death issues , do not ask him ... " where ... when... how... why... ". Pretend that he CAN'T answer you, and resort to other sources, whatever you need to know - your doctor, lawyer, mom, neighbours, priest, whomever ! but him.
Learn to count on yourself as if he did not exist in your life, because at this stage he DOES not exist in your life.
If you aren't willing to do that, you'll end up frustrated as you are now. Because you did not really JUST want the answer to your questions, that you got it. You wanted him to talk about the relationship, about you two, about the future , or the past ;you wanted him to apologize, or to tell you he misses you,.. maybe you even wanted just to argue and to fight and to be cursed by him... whatever- you wanted to get an emotional reaction out of him.
Which, you did not get. Which you did not need to get. And which you should not try to get.
So ( if you still want this to be over )- back to square one. Ignore ignore ignore. Why don't you block him btw , now that I think of it ? Or do you HOPE deep down in anther string of " fuck me fuck me " ?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOkay, there was an issue came up earlier where I had to contact my ex. I had to ask him a question, actually a couple, and he replied back to them. Now I'm feeling really sad and irritated. I had no choice as I *had* to contact him. I hadn't spoken to him since our BU, last Thursday night. What do I do now? I feel like I'm back at square one. :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHaving a little bit of a rough time today. He's been on my mind a lot. I feel sad today but I keep reminding myself of the bad things. It's been 7 days since our BU and I've made NO contact with him whatsoever. I'm just moving on one day at a time. Inching my way towards that victory line. lol
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionlol.. Thanks for the reply Cindy. I'm taking it one day at a time. He text me at 1:30 this morning, while I was in bed, and it said "cum lay with me".. he's an idiot. He used to do this in the past and I'd reply back with something stupid and we'd start "talking" again. This time I'm completely ignoring him so he'll either get the hint and go away or he'll start saying worse things to provoke a response such as; "hope you're having fun whore". He's said that in the past when I'd ignore his text because I didn't want any drama. I'd go to bed to sleep it off in hopes of starting a new day, but it didn't always work so he'd text me that and it would start up a heated conversation. I'm not falling for it this time.I've already decided no matter what he says to me, I'm not replying. He didn't act like he wanted to be with me the last few months so there's point in even making contact at all. Him doing this is actually helping me to move on. It shows the shit I'd have to deal with. If he's that big of an ass AFTER we break up then he's not the type of person I want to be involved with.
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reader, CindyCares +, writes (2 July 2014):
Fair is fair :).
He writes you " fuck me "... you write him back " fuck you " and you are even.
No, don't , actually. Just kidding. Keep ignoring him. You are doing good, and soon you'll be fine .
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's me again. He sent me the same "fuck me" text yesterday morning at like 3:30 and I didn't reply. I haven't heard from him since. It's been 5 days since our BU. Those days have went by soooo fast. I miss him today, though. The good times have been going through my mind and I'm feeling sad right now. I'm just kind of using this to post my feelings/thoughts.
When I start to miss him I remind myself of the bad things about him. I'll just be glad when I'm completely over him and no longer give a fuck where he's at and what he's doing.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe sent me 2 texts this morning that said "cum fuck me..". I didn't reply. I haven't thought about him as much today as I did yesterday. Hearing from him reminds me of why I don't want him back in my life. It would be nothing but bullshit. I'm taking it one day at a time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm doing alright today. I haven't heard from him since his "fuck me" text yesterday morning. I've been looking at his facebook through another account I have access to. I can't see anything as everything is private except his games, so when he's on facebook playing a game it will show it. I've been looking at it, even though I can't see anything, and I'm not sure why I'm doing it exactly. He still has our photos on there I noticed. Personal ones of us lying in bed together and cuddling/kissing.
I feel a sense of relief he's gone and I don't want him back yet I'm curious to see what he's doing.. even though there's no point in looking because it doesn't show anything. I actually get nervous when I get a text thinking it's him because if we have any contact it will be nothing but a huge dramafest. I don't know how to break this habit of looking at him.
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reader, barbey +, writes (28 June 2014):
Good for you. Leave you shouldn't keep up with such treatment always being blamed for his moods n all. I know u love what he was before but he is a changed man now, focus on that and you will heal quickly, thinking of e good tyms will only want you to rescue that good guy that once loved you and it will be so hard to let go. I'm glad u see how bad he was to you. Continue walking dear some relationships aint worth saving
Good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know in the end this is the best thing for me. I was the best thing for him and him the worst for me but I still love him. I still care about him even though I told him last night I didn't care anymore. What I finally said was pretty brutal. I let out all my frustration. I miss the old him, our old times together. I hate the thought of another girl getting "that" part of him. He had a good side, he just didn't show up all too often. The last time I saw him he took me out on the lake and to the park and we had an amazing time together... now, we're overI know it's for the best but it still hurts. At times today it hurts like hell and other times I'm just... okay. I could take an ass whooping and I'd be fine, but the pain of heartache is like torture sometimes.When will I start to feel better? When will I finally stop thinking about him? When will it stop hurting?
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reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (27 June 2014):
You feel sad that he's going to make love to another girl? Seriously, you should PITY her! Do you really want such a disgusting man even touching you, let alone be inside you? He was an asshole OP, he was the worst thing that happened in your life.
If you have to feel bad for anything, then mourn the fact that you wasted whatever time that you did on him.
Stop being silly and thinking that you're not good enough. If you cant pull yourself out of this hole, then no one can help you. I'm trying to tell you all that I can to help you because I've been through much of the same myself.
However, I NEVER felt sad after the break-up because it was the BIGGEST relief to not have that disgustington in my life. I give a shit about him and I don't care who he's with or what he's doing because I've already wasted years of my life on him and now I don't have even a second to spare. I have much better things to do, a wonderful man who truly loves me and who I love and a great life...why even bother about such a guy?
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reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (27 June 2014):
"Come fuck me"? Really? Why doesn't he just go fuck himself? Asshole!
He's just pushing you to the maximum that he can because (a) he thinks this break-up is just a farce and you cant/wont live without him and (b)he wants a reaction out of you...any reaction...so that he can start abusing you and dumping more and more shit on you like he always does.
OP we don't care who or what messed him up and really, that is no reason for him to behave the way that he does. Tell me, who hasn't had problems in their lives? Haven't you or I had problems? Haven't our parents had problems? But do we or do they treat others in this deplorable way? Certainly not! The only reason he behaves like an asshole is because he IS an asshole.
I can also bet my bottom dollar on the fact that he's insecure of you. He knows that you're better than him in every single way and that's why he pulls you down and abuses you.
All said and done, at the end of you, you shouldn't give a rat's ass why he's the way he is. The fact of the matter is that he's now OUT of your life and should never EVER be let back in again. This man is capable of smashing your face into a wall and I think you should count yourself lucky that you got away unharmed. Verbal abuse could very well turn into physical abuse, its just a matter of time.
Just ignore him, pretend like he's dead, when you see a message from his number, don't read it, just delete it immediately. If he harasses you, then make sure you have family and friends to stand by you and call the police IMMEDIATELY if the need arises. When my ex continued to bug me with repeated phone calls, I called his mother and told her to control her son because if he called/contacted me even one more time, then I would lodge a complaint with the police. That was when he stopped and I've never heard from him again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm feeling sad at the moment. I'd definitely prepared myself somewhat emotionally before this final split so I saved myself a little heartache but I'm feeling sad, hurt, angry. I feel kind of numb all at the same time. I keep thinking about him but it's not those strong "love/miss him" thoughts as it would normally be during a BU. It's just thoughts of "him".
One thing I'm having a hard time with is when I get thoughts of him moving on, making love to another girl. That's where I start to get really emotional and feel like I'm not good enough. What's the best way to cope with those thoughts?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your replies. He's sent me 7 texts since we broke up last night and all of them said; "cum fuck me.." This man is 36 years old. This is just another one of those things he does to get under my skin. He has some issues. Someone or something prior to me has fucked his head up. He always claimed it was that ALL of his exs cheated on him.... however, he neglected and treated them horribly and that was the result of him doing so. I was loyal and faithful til the end but I feel like he was trying to punish me for something. Like I said his life is a mess. I don't always have my shit together but he's a wreck. I'm not perfect, I did many things wrong in our relationship but I never treated him like that. If I'd treated him half as bad as he did me he'd have hated me. I've never been into drama. I'm 32 year old who acts like a happy, young 22 year old. I try to live a happy carefree life as much as I can but every time I'm around him something dramatic goes down. He always blamed me.He is NOT the same man he was 2 years ago. He used to hold me and look at me like I meant the world to him and over time he turned into the biggest pos I've ever met. He even went as far as telling his family/friends he wanted to marry me and he was against marriage as he'd already been through a failed one when he was young. He vowed to never marry again after that and until he got with me hadn't even legally divorced his ex wife yet so he wouldn't be able to marry anyone else. They were legally separated for 12 years and then all of a sudden their divorce is final because he had plans to marry me. I don't know what the fuck happened to the man I met. I know people change but this seems like 2 entirely different people.Oh, I'm rambling sorry, I didn't reply to his texts btw. I can't change my number due to work and my phone doesn't have blocking capability so all I'm able to do is not reply. I deleted them and have no intentions of letting this man back into my life. When I think about letting him back in I start to feel anxious because I know it will be nothing but bullshit stories and dramatics. I really don't think he cares that we broke up; he just likes fucking with me for whatever reason.
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reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (27 June 2014):
OP believe it or not, I have known someone very similar to your ex. An asshole who didn't have much love from his family, who had no one to care for him, no one to give him any affection. I was the best thing to happen in his life. To top it all, he was ugly as hell and yet I was wonderful with him. I tried my best to make it work. He showered me with insults, he made me feel like shit, he called me every name in the book when he was angry...and yet I tried to be nice to him because I thought he was just hurting and I could heal him. WHAT A MISTAKE!!
When I look back now, I thinking kicking his ass to the curb was the best thing that I've ever done so far. You would think that people who haven't had much love in their lives would be happy to be with someone who finally gives them what they want and treat her like a Goddess, right? Wrong! That's hardly ever the case. Because these people are so badly messed up and are basically such bad people, they don't even understand the meaning of love and neither do they appreciate people who are good to them.
Thank your stars that he's out of your life. He fucked up the best thing that was there in his life and trust me, its ENTIRELY his loss. Just completely delete him and all his words from your memory. Don't ever let his poison get to you. Remember, what he said was NOT true in any way. Childish, dramatic, whiny bitch my ass. This man has some cheek to talk to you like that!
Just tell yourself that the worst is over, do not ever look back, dont ever let his words affect you and DON'T carry this hurt into the next relationship. You are a lovely, smart young woman and no man can ever and I repeat, EVER, make you feel inferior without your consent.
He might make attempts to get back...no...he WILL make attempts to get back, if not now, then 5 months later. Right now he'll "punish" you by not talking so that YOU crave for him. Dont entertain him in the least, no mails, messages...nothing. You dont owe him any answers, dont entertain any closure nonsense, dont ever look back.
Trust me, you will be fine. You ARE fine. He's the one in shit and that's where he's going to be in for a long, long time.
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reader, sugarplum786 +, writes (27 June 2014):
You seem to be doing just fine. You took a stand and that was the right thing to do. No one deserves to be treated the way he treats you. He obviously needs help to sort his problems out, but you are not the psychologist to fix him therefore he may or may not get the help. What I can tell you is that your behaviour is normal as he kept pushing and pushing till broke the camels back. You are hurting and miss him and wish things were different and wishing he would change. But these feelings are normal and will pass, you are also a very strong person, you will get over and will meet someone that can treat you right. Take this time to hook up with family and friends, this will help is the healing process. Don't go back as history has shown he never changes and you will be even more miserable as least now the healing starts.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionActually, he didn't dump me. I technically told him it was over. Look over the title.
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