A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:HiI'm a 31 year old guy, 2 months ago I split up with a 23 year old. Now I've met a 22 year old who I like but I'm worried she is too young for me so I haven't asked her out yet. I got the impression from a few of my friends and family that they thought my last girlfriend was too young for me and I think they were fairly relieved when we broke up. Also, I don't want to give people the impression I am a pervy guy who just preys on young girls. I don't necessarily go for younger girls, in fact most girls i've been out with in the past have been slightly older than me. The problem is that this 22 year old is the only girl I'm interested in at the moment. In terms of where I am, I'd like to get married one day. I'm not in a desperate hurry to do that now, i'd be happy to settle down but only if I felt like I was with the right person. I certainly wouldn't pressure a younger girl to settle down if she wasn't ready, I didn't with my last girlfriend, I knew she wasn't ready yet.Do you think its ok to ask her out or should I wait and see if I meet somebody else? I don't know her very well yet, I'd at least like to get to know her better but I'm not sure how I will do that without asking her out.Thanks
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (28 July 2014):
 IF you like her and she likes you then 22 to 31 is not a huge issue IMO.
both of you are legally adults and that's all that matters if your intent is pure.
when my now husband was 22 I was 35.... and it never would have worked....
A
male
reader, devont +, writes (27 July 2014):
 I think it is fine and personally, I don't think it would come across that you were pervy. 22 is legal, 22 is an adult.
You've already experienced the challenges of dating someone younger, so you'll know what to expect. There's a similar gap between me and my girlfriend and sometimes her maturity is an issue for us, we can have disagreements that someone a bit older would be mature enough to avoid... But it is all worth it in the end :)
If you like her... that's main thing, isn't it!
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A
female
reader, -BMBTL- +, writes (26 July 2014):
 Why not?! If you like her then go for it! :)
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (26 July 2014):
 I don't see anything wrong with asking her out. It's not pervy because it's very much legal. She's very much an adult in the eyes of the law and society, as a whole.
The only potential issue I see here is maturity. Being in your 30's, you're going to most likely be much more mature than her. Yes, there are some 'mature' 22 year olds. But realistically, even the self-proclaimed mature ones are just fooling themselves. Thinking you're a mature 22 year old just means that you haven't had the life experience to realize you're not fully mature. Lol. I thought I was mature at 22. Now that I'm 30, I realize I had no clue what I was talking about. I'm sure I'll feel that way every handful of years I look back on my life. Not putting anyone down. Hell, I'm an immature 30 year old lol. But my point being that you're going to be in two very different places in life and in development. Did you know that the human brain doesn't even fully finish developing until around your mid twenties (25)? Doesn't that explain a lot? Lol.
So while there is absolutely nothing wrong with asking her out and seeing how it goes, I would at least prepare myself for the age difference in maturity.
I hope all works out for you! Good luck!
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A
male
reader, fzald +, writes (26 July 2014):
The saying goes that "age is but a number." And in a lot of cases, that's true.The issue isn't the specific number, or the number of years difference between you two. The issue is compatibility, and where you each are in your "game of life" at this time.I am 30 and dating a 21-year-old. It works well for us because even though we are different in age, we're at similar stages in life. I am in college (late start), and so is she, and we even have classes together. The only area where I could say our age shows is just in general wisdom and experience - she might do something that I know is going to have a bad result, but I just have to let her make some mistakes on her own - and it sounds like you're able to think the same way.I would say go for it! Don't expect anything much, but just ask her out and get to know her. If nothing else, you may make a great new friend. Another old saying goes "better to have loved and lost than to have not loved at all." Just be realistic, acknowledge that there may be some differences that may or may not be acceptable between you two, and just have fun.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 July 2014):
 Are you interested in the younger ones because you think they aren' as keen on marriage (yet) as the ones that are older? That would sort of make sense.
My question to you is, the 23 year old, did you have a lot on common, was the age a problem or not? (and I'm talking about you and her, not family and friends).
Generally I think it's a kind of uneven for a 22 year old and a 31 year old. She is barely done with school, has little life and work experience. YOU on the other hand should... have a lot more. BUT it's not a huge age gap.
I think once you hit your mid-late 20's and age gap (upwards) is not going to be a big deal).
Maybe though YOU need to slow down, you JUST got out of a relationship 2 months ago... hold your horses. Or the 22 year old is going to end up being a rebound.
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