A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:So I have been dating my girlfriend for 7 months now. She is now a senior in high school and I am going to be a freshman in college. Our relationahip is as amazing as it could be and I love her with all that I got. We have been having numerous talks about college and about how we want to try and make it work during this first year. I am only an hour away and she plans on going to the same college next year for nursing school. SHe is terrified about me leaving because she simply doesnt want me to go and doesnt want anything between us to change during this time away. I plan on visiting a good amount of times since its not really too out of my way to come back home. IVe seen numerous posts on how these types of relationships wont work out because of the distance or the trust but as far as i know, I trust her with everything as she does me, and the distance thing really isnt a problem as its only an hour away. So my question is how can we really go about making this work or is it even possible? We both are fully committed to making it work and know it will be a slight struggle but we care that much about eachother to know that it's worth ity Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (24 July 2014):
 "She is terrified"
"she simply doesnt want me to go and doesnt want anything between us to change during this time away"
You're at that major life moment, of going away to college and the people you leave behind are freaked out that you might change and leave them and not care about them.
You can't live your life based on someone else's fear.
Go off to college, do your best to keep the relationship going if that is what you want but do not make your life choices because your girlfriend is terrified about things changing.
Life changes happen and some relationships survive the transition from high school to college (university to our UK friends). Some do not.
Based on my experience, most HS romances do not survive the distance. That's not a bad thing, nor is anyone to blame.
So to answer your question, this can work with trust and lots of communication.
My question to you is, are you prepared at this moment in your life to commit so much of your life to a short term relationship and possibly miss out on some of your college life? Because if you are going home every weekend or she is coming to visit you every weekend you may miss out on some basic college experiences.
That being said, if you are really looking to be bonded to someone early on and don't have any interest in that side of the university experience, then by all means, do your best to nurture the LDR.
But that comment you made about her, that she is 'terrified'? Is that what will determine your life's trajectory?
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 July 2014):
 At your age I would say no. that first year of college is so fraught with changes and close relationships often suffer.
Now I'm one of those who has made an LDR work.. BUT... we were only 2 hours apart... we were both older and had the time and money and ability to travel EVERY WEEKEND.... and then a year later he moved down to me....
It can be done but it's a lot of work
I even wrote an article about it:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/is-my-long-distance-relationship-worth-it.html
That being said... one year, one hour apart... that's VERY doable. AND if you and your gf are meant to be... you will survive the year...
I would suggest that NO promises of anything are made other than... let's try and SEE how it goes...
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (24 July 2014):
 I can tell you what you want to hear, or what you need to hear. I'll go with what you need to hear. I am in my early 50's and have been in 3 long distance relationships. This is over the last 15 years. NONE of them survived. We had money so that wasn't the problem as it may very well be for younger people. We really loved each other and trusted each other. But distance really has a way of wearing you down. Kissing the phone good night every night is sweet, but it doesn't give you the comfort that you need. Having a bad day and going on skype isn't the same thing as getting a hug. Hugging a people isn't the same as hugging a warm loving person beside you.
In my last relationship, we tried everything. We really wanted it to work.We seen each other every six weeks for awhile (we were 2000 miles away from each other. We tried so hard!
Feelings of lonliness and doubt creep in..you start wondering what the other person is doing, why didnt they call when they said they would, the missed parties, the fun you don't have that your friends do...and well..before you know the relationship is starting to show cracks.
I'm not saying that a LDR can't work but its seldom that they do. No offense but with the 2 of you being so young...its very unlikely that you will last. You are confining yourself when both of you should be spreading your wings. You can try it and see..hey..prove us wrong! I wish you the best and I'm sorry I couldn't say all sweet wonderful things..I gave you the truth.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (24 July 2014):
 Wiseowle wrote that so you will be motivated to prove him wrong. Of course try, then if it doesn't work you don't have to beat yourself too much. You make it work just like other people. By keeping regular contact and make each visit count. If you are the type that wants to date other people, then you will date other people. If you are the faithful type then you will stick to your girlfriend. It helps that you don't bow down to peer pressure such as alcohol, drugs and stag parties. You should expect the same from her. Neither of you wants to give up, so why?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2014): I bypassed your post a few times waiting to see if anyone else would answer you first. It is a post we see all too frequently; and most people don't really take the advice we give on this topic anyway.
My advice is a frank NO!
You are both too young. You really need to get out in the world, focus on school, and have a build a social-life for your growth and development.
Yes, you will get sentimental heart-warming advice telling you sweet things that would grace the pages of a Hallmark card. Anecdotes about how some have survived the test of time and distance. Well, the odds are highly against it working.
I can only suggest that you try and see for yourself. It is noble to wait for someone; but it is also strenuous and
self-deprivation that few can really handle. Especially at your age. I know, people think they can Skype and chat daily, and that's the same as touching. Holding each other, and having sex. You can go the sexting route. But seriously?!! It's far from the real thing.
I sound all mean and old-school by telling you this. I'm not. I'm wise and experienced. I've personally witnessed enough LDR's over the years; and answered enough posts on the topic to have a pretty good idea of what the outcome is likely to be. You'll grow apart by the end of the first semester. Either due to your respective schedules, or you'll be so tempted by people around you; one of you will break it off. The stress will just be too much. Wondering what the other is doing, and longing for each other.
In reality, people put themselves through hell trying to love people, they aren't even married or engaged to, from a distance. Marriages are strained by distance! All you can do is promise you'll be good. Until temptation comes your way. Then you'll lie, make excuses, and you'll fight; because distrust and suspicion always finds their way into the LDR. I do mean always.
It's time to outgrow the "puppy-love." You both have to get through the college experience; and keep in-touch as much as you can without pressuring each other.
Trying to be romantic through Instagrams and text messaging will be very unsatisfying. You'll tire of being dedicated through technology and conducting a relationship via devices. Inevitably, you'll want to meet and date other people. That's what you should be doing. College is tough enough.
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