A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:When we first went out 3 years ago, everything was perfect. He tried his best to do what ever he can just to make me happy but because I don't mind anything and he kind of stopped doing because he said I don't really mind anything he does and I'm still happy in the relationship. Recently, he broke his phone and he dropped his laptop so I have no way to contact him, except when he uses his mum's phone to skype me. He's the type of person who would MIA anytime he wants especially when we're on school holidays e.g. Summer holiday. I really don't want to ask too much from him but for some reason I really feel like he doesn't even care even if I existed or not. I have not been able to contact him constantly since the start of the year and for the past three weeks, I have not even heard anything from him. I basically do not know whether he is alive or not. I have mentioned how I felt to him a couple of times and the reason he gave me is that when he doesn't see me, I get shoved to the back of his head and I'm no longer his main priority. I try to convince myself that it is ok that I'm not his priority but sometimes I really feel like giving up. I asked him if he still want the relationship and he said yes but I don't know whether I'm still even in a relationship with him when I can never find him. Is this normal in a relationship or am I asking too much from him. I try my best not to be clingy so I never question him whenever he MIA in the past. I don't know whether I should end this relationship but it seems like that is the only option if he never comes online and I never find him but at the same time I really really love him. However, it really hits me that he was never with me whenever I needed him especially when my dad is having an affair with another woman and they have a baby. I really wish he would've been there for me. FYI, we're in a long distance relationship atm because he is usually a boarder in the school so we don't live in the same town.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2014): There are many different ways to cowardly breakup. Some just come right out and dump you. Some do it in a text message; or on a post-it note on your door. If you were connected through a long-distance relationship, it wasn't really hard for him to do.
Your boyfriend is breaking up with you by "no contact." He is waiting for you to give-up in frustration. He knows he'd have to face your emotional-reaction; if he grew some nuggets and just told you he wanted out.
So he "supposedly" breaks his phone and laptop. A crafty way to cut you off. Come-on, nobody breaks both their phone and their laptop!!! I guarantee if he had to starve and save every dime to replace them, he would. If there is one thing people your age will not live without; it's their digital devices. That is one thing he'll never part with!
You must be carrying on a long-distance relationship. Otherwise,he could just drop-by. Did you happen to forget to mention this?
You've carried this on for three years. In teen-years, that is almost equivalent to nine adult-years. You miss him, I know; but your apparent "LDR" has run its course. Nature requires that you both should try seeing other people in real-life. Maybe enjoy being single, at your age.
Once you've stretched it out until one of you tires of the other( or having an LDR); it is time to move on.
A relationship shouldn't feel like a habit. Keeping it going; because you're used to it, and meeting new people is too much of a hassle. So you stick with what's familiar and easier. Avoiding having to face the possibility of rejection, in the process of dating new people. Or people in real-life. That scares the daylights out of all ages!
Often girls treat their relationships with boys like a marriage. Expecting to always have him around, wanting it to last until he wants to marry her someday. Giving up all other guys, just for the one guy. In this case, you're being far too lenient. Too submissive to his will. Thinking letting him do whatever he wants will keep him hanging on.
He can do whatever he wants without being tied to his cell phone or laptop. That's asking a lot. It's almost meaningless.
In reality, you should be meeting different personality types. People you can see, touch, and smell; as often as you like. Dating on and off, and growing into womanhood as a single and independent woman. He did you a big-fat favor. He is forcing you to move on. You wouldn't otherwise.
It's time you learn your own strengths, discover your potential, and realize that you can survive without a man or always being in a relationship. Be it by distance, or just down the hall. Now you have to live without hiding behind a device.
Nature has decided that for you. He wants to be a guy, be irresponsible, not have to answer for his time, be totally young, and reckless. Be with girls he can actually touch. At your age, you should be going to college, traveling, and exploring. Not trying to live like a couple of phone-linked married-people. Connected by digital devices.
You'll never know your own potential always hiding away from the world. Never let any kind of relationship consume all your time and attention. You have to have a life of your own. He just gave it back to you.
You should be enjoying your friends, and having fun. There should be a time in your life that you devote to your own independence, and growth into womanhood. Go out into the world, face some challenges, and be totally reckless. So you won't look back when you're my age, wondering what happened to all your youth. Not having a clue about what real-life men are really about.
I've got lots of good memories and wonderful people to think back on; because I enjoyed my teens. I did meet someone, but we didn't become a permanent couple until my partner finished law school. We otherwise, allowed time for our own personal college-experiences, growth, development, travel, and making other friends. Dating other people as well; until we found our way back to each other.
It lasted 28 years after that. It doesn't happen for everyone, but we didn't plan it. It happened, because it was meant to be. For us anyway. We didn't forgo our life growth-periods, and took time to develop as individuals.
There was no Skype, no internet, or smartphones. So we had to "live" not rely on technology. That's what helped us to be so close.
We were together as a couple, until cancer took him away from me. I am now single, but I know what it takes to have a full and well-rounded life. You have to get out and actually live it. Deal with rejection, and get to know people face to face. Not cling to someone who is tired of us.
I'm here to help young people like you figure it out. Some may mate for life, starting from your age. Some will not. That is, because it isn't meant to be. So now is your chance to see life outside waiting for his calls, face reality, and end the craving to spend time with him. You should dump him, and enjoy freedom for awhile. I think he knew you wouldn't just let go. So he did it, instead.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (29 July 2014):
 YOU are not asking too much.
He's a chicken and can't even be man enough to break up with you instead he makes excuses and sneaks away.
I did an LDR with my husband for a year. Once we were sure it was serious we had daily contact. Multiple times in multiple ways... email, phone calls (they make this thing called LAND LINES) texts, SNAIL MAIL....
A man who cares about you will move heaven and earth (including buying a cheap burn phone) to be in touch.
He's so full of it his eyes are brown.
He's done and you need to be done with him.
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A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (29 July 2014):
 This certainly isn't a normal relationship and I suggest that you end it. He doesn't pay you much mind and just pushes you aside while telling you that you're not his priority and that he easily forgets about you. This relationship isn't a very good one. If you don't break it off with him you will continue to be just an option to him so why not make it easy on you both and just leave. He makes it very simple for you to do so. Why not just do it. Certainly you have enough self respect to know that you can do better than this guy?! Move on OP. Best of luck.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (29 July 2014):
 If he is long distance, breaks his phone and destroys his laptop so that you have no way of talking to him (I don't believe it, but say he did that), that is called a BREAK UP.
He's doing everything he can to break up with you and ditch you. It's time you realize that you and he are DONE. Broken up. Over. You're SINGLE. You've been that way for a long time.
I'm sorry about your dad having an affair, but you need to look to your local friends for comfort. This guy has been trying to tell you over and over that you and he are done, but you're in denial over it are are trying to cling to him.
Drop the guy. He either has broken up with you in every way possible or he is a mental case. I don't think he actually has broken his electronic equipment. He just told you he did. This is a break up. End things with the guy.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (29 July 2014):
 "Is this normal in a relationship or am I asking too much from him?"
No, it's absolutely not normal. He openly admits that when he is away, he shoves you to the back if his mind and doesn't bother to make you a priority. And that is absolutely not normal or acceptable for a relationship. In a real relationship, the person is present and makes the appropriate time for you. For him to openly state that he forgets about you and doesn't make you a priority displays his lack of effort, or frankly, giving a damn, in this "relationship."
It's time to get out. This relationship is not a relationship.
You can do much better.
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