A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Both my boyfriend and I share a large friend group who we have all been friends with for a long time. There is this other girl in the group who I seem to be bothered by a lot.To be honest, me and her are really the only two girls in the group, the rest are guys. Because of this, the girl always seems as if she is trying to compete with me for everyone's attention, and I don't understand why. She has actually asked everyone who they like better me or her. I have also noticed how weird her behavior is with me, kind of like she has doesn't care for me much or doesn't like that I'm around. Does she not like me because I'm a girl?I'm not really sure exactly why I'm so bothered by her, but I think it's just the way she acts and her behavior. She has dated a lot of the guys, and she's very flirty with literally all of them, which means she acts this way with my boyfriend as well (which is what bothers me the most). I'm not trying to judge this girl, but her constant flirty behavior is kind of annoying because she's always doing it. She's always talking about sexual things and is always being flirty with everyone and trying to get so much attention, I'm kind of uncomfortable around her at times.I also seem to be the only person she never talks to and she avoids me all of the time, and it upsets me. I've tried to befriend this girl and it just didn't happen so I mean I don't know anymore, I've never had to deal with something like this. What bothers me the most is that my boyfriend is friends with her. She just bothers me so much and I don't know how to deal with it. What do you think?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 April 2013):
 She sees you as competition and she's insecure with herself hence her constant sexual references and flirting.
We do not have to like everyone and everyone does not have to like us. And that's ok. I have discovered the best thing to do with folks who I do not like is kill them with kindness. I am polite and I am friendly but I do not go out of my way to make them comfortable or happy. I do not ignore them however. And I do not let them upset me (if she upsets you, you must NOT let her know this as it gives her power in her own mind)
As for flirting with your boyfriend... well honey if you trust your boyfriend, then you have nothing to worry about.
She can flirt all she wants, she can be over the top, she can even flash her boobs at him and if he's hopelessly devoted to you, it won't matter.
I actually find young women flirting with my husband funny. I see them trying to get his attention and he's so not looking for it, his radar is totally off and the girls look foolish.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 April 2013):
 She doesn't WANT you as her friend because she DOES see you as the competition.
I would just be nice and polite to her, but I wouldn't try any more to be her friend.
And I agree with Cindy, so what if she is a flirt? That is how SHE wants to be seen and how SHE wants to act. You are not her mother, so don't worry about that. What I would worry about (if you want to pick something) is IF your BF flirts back. That is a little disrespectful of him. And I would talk to him when you two are alone, ask him if he would like it if YOU flirted with other guys. Friend of not, he doesn't NEED to flirt back at her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2013): I am dealing with something very similar. The difference is the girl in my situation and I are dating twin brothers, so the "competition" between us is even more tense, but she is the one choosing to make it that way. The girl in my situation acts exactly like the one in yours. It all comes down to feeling insecure and jealous. For whatever reason, this girl probably feels threatened by you or is jealous of you for whatever reason. She probably WANTS you to be upset, wants you to be jealous of her, etc. If you act like she doesn't even exist or bother you, she might get the hint you're not interested in competing with her in whatever game she's trying to play. I wouldn't worry about the flirting thing unless she takes it too far with your boyfriend, or if he reacts to her inappropriately. The girl in my situation is the same exact way. It's not likely she will change, because she will probably always crave that attention she feels she isn't getting.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 April 2013):
 I think that you don't have a problem unless you want to.
You could not make friends with this girl, so be it, hopefully you have friendships with women out of this group, and if you don't, then it's time to establish some :).
As for the attention seeking, yes, women may be competitive , consciously or unconsciously, and being the only two women in the group puts you sort of in the same unconfortable position of two cocks in the same henhouse, but...
what do you care . You hopefully have all the attention that you want from your boyfriend, and if you feel in competition with her for the attention of the other males you show to be as frail and insecure as her or worse. Show your class and confidence, and let her win a game that you have no interest for.
As for her flirty ways,- it does not concern you , that's really just her business how she talks to all the guys. Except your boyfriend of course, - but same as you cannot clap with one hand, so for flirting there has to be a flirter and a flirtee. If your bf opposes ( as he should ) a polite, stony indifference , sooner or later ( and probably sooner than later ) he will take the wind out of her sails . If instead he reacts and acts pleased or flattered or eggs her on in any way... then you have to take it out on him, not on her !
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