A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met this guy for the first time through work a few months ago. Initially, I wasn’t attracted to him. I found him to be arrogant and annoying. Over the months, he’s grown on me. I have noticed that he craves attention. And he sulks when I talk to other men. When ask about his male colleagues with whom I have worked with for a longer period, he is abrupt. And this is followed by silence.He is professional, I’ll give him that. If he can’t call when he said he would, he would send an e-mail saying he’s busy and he will call, say the next day. And yeah, there was follow through.We had a long conversation over the telephone about work matters a few weeks ago. After the conversation he e-mailed me a lengthy, technical response to a question I asked, to which he quoted legislation. His response came off harsh and mildly arrogant. I didn’t respond as I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t have the heart to tell him he misinterpreted the question, given that he put so much effort into that response. Usually, I respond to his /his team’s e-mails within the hour – professional courtesy. I went a day and a half without a response. Come Monday morning, I get an e-mail from a female colleague (I assume they are good friends) of his asking for some information on an unrelated case. Two hours later there was a voice message for me to call him as he had a question. I was busy that day.I returned his call, but got his voice mail. He and I played a bit of phone tag. When I got back to my desk in the afternoon, I got two more voice messages. One from her and the other from him. So, I returned her call first. She has never called me before for anything. I was curious.Interestingly the reason she called me was to check that I received her e-mail and asked if there was a problem with our e-mail.… I said, I hadn’t responded as I was busy. As a solution, I asked if she wanted me to send through a test e-mail. Her response was a very surprised, “Oh!” followed by a very slow, “yeah….ok.” Her reaction was suspicious. No problems – my e-mail went through just fine. Then she mentioned that he was looking for me. Surprise, Surprise….She asked him if he was going to call me. To which he responded a big ole “Yes”, in the background. (they sit next to each other?!).I put down the telephone. Didn’t even count to 10 and my telephone rang. Him.We spoke business (mainly), but the subject of the dreaded e-mail came up. We had a laugh about it because I finally had to admit that I didn’t have the heart to tell him he missed the mark. It was all good. But I wonder if he was worried that he upset me…Does this behaviour come across as stalker-ish or immature?A few days later we were talking about his visit to my office. And I mentioned that I had a few appointments. So, if I wasn’t available, someone else would take care of him and his colleague. I genuinely had other appointments that snuck up on me. He asked if “they” would get to see me on the day, twice. I was touched. His behaviour is different in person…it’s very hot and cold, compared to e-mails and telephone. I don’t know what to make of it.Is he interested or is this just professional courtesy?
View related questions:
immature, period Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (23 April 2013):
 http://www.dearcupid.org/question/is-this-guy-worth-pining-over.html
So what else is going on (or NOT going on) in your life that is causing you to develop a potentially career-ruining schoolgirl crush on an infuriating and arrogant man who seems to have poor social skills?
What's missing? Are you bored? Have you, in the past, engineered or caused through action or inaction self-destructive situations that cause you grief and create drama?
Take one small part of yourself, that internal wisdom, the witness, if you will, and set that to watch yourself have all these loopy crushy feelings. Observe and note your reactions and behavior. Maybe you know the answer, inside, already, you are just hoping someone will say "He's the man of your dreams and is waiting to sweep you off your feet and carry you away!!!"
Instead, you get these types of answers that suggest that you are more responsible for your behavior and reactions that you might like to admit, and we annoyingly keep telling you that he sounds off and a bit weird and perhaps it would be best for your long term career interests to steer clear.
You're creating a drama for yourself and only you will be able to figure out why.
Good luck getting it all sorted!
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 April 2013):
 If you have rules, you have them for a reason, he can’t be the be all to end all that makes you willing to break your rules can he? So what about him makes you willing to break the rules?
You are 30-35 and say he is YOUNGER than you… how much younger? He may be TOO young to get the nuances of office flirting (which is very different than flirting at a party or somewhere more casual)
See this is why folks think that the people they like never like them and only the people they don’t like like them… because they get nervous and can’t be themselves around the people they like.
I had what I lovingly refer to as “a work husband” a guy who was married that I was friends with. I was married too and neither of us thought that it was anything but friendship but boy folks teased us about it all the time… it was just the casual comfortable way we both interacted with each other and the world in general.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou all are right. I am attracted to him. And I keep hoping that something more is going on than there actually is. I have rules: I don’t get involved with people I work with. And I don’t date.But for the first time in years, I was willing to overlook those “rules”.I guess I am trying to find something to hang on to and avoid the disappointment. Tisha-1: I think he is socially awkward too. Or at least when he visits me there is a lot of pressure on both of us. People at work are starting to ask if there’s something going on between us (I haven’t said a word), based on our interactions. So they watch us like a bunch of hawks. I am aware of this, he isn't. So, I guess I am conscious of it. Worthy to note: that I am about 15 years younger than my colleagues. He is younger than me. And no, he is not married. As to whether he is in a relationship, I don’t know. It’s very different in person than over the telephone or via e-mail. Nervous or not, maybe that’s the first red flag.I don’t talk to him in person. I get nervous and so I talk to the other person who comes with him. Or I just don’t talk at all. I am far more chirpy, friendly and chatty via telephone/e-mail. It’s safer. I am very conscious when I like someone… and I am aware that it shows all over my face. So, I tend to either ignore the person, or go quiet as an attempt to deal with my feelings. That’s not healthy. But that’s how I cope with it.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 April 2013):
I think that because you are attracted to him you are reading more into this than there is.
I read this and I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop... I'm not seeing anything that indicates that he is anything more than a friendly co-worker.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (22 April 2013):
He sounds socially awkward. Maybe he doesn't know how to behave in person and can handle emails just fine because there's no non-verbal body language to have to decipher.
Is he married, by any chance?
...............................
A
female
reader, Got Issues  +, writes (21 April 2013):
 Honestly I'm not sure. You haven't got very much to go on and you could be reading into things. Also the fact that you don't work in the same office and your communication is largely by email or telephone means that things can very easily get misinterpreted. If you're going to analyse his behaviour, do so when he is in front of you, not at the other end of the phone and especially not based on a purely work-related email.
...............................
|
