A
female
age
30-35,
*as4g
writes:Background information: He and I met on the internet when I was 13 and he was 14. He lives in London and I live in Tennessee. The last time I was there in August(2012) things changed between us and we decided to try a long distance relationship until I move to Europe for graduate school next spring. Before you call him a jerk:Once I was back stateside he told me that he loved me.I am planning to come and see him this August for two weeks so I wanted to know if he expected sex(I am a virgin),and he said no and that he can be patient. He always buys me things without me asking. "Are you hungry?" Me: "No, I'm fine." "Come on get something." He gave me his jacket. He just treats me like I was something precious. He has brought up kids and the future. He is just the type of guy that plays for keeps. Fast forward to last Monday:We use an app to communicate usually daily and he had told me something that I took completely the wrong way and then he went to bed. I festered over what he had said then I said some really horrible things and attacked some of his insecurities. I realised after I had sent all that that I probably had taken it completely the wrong way. I immediately apologized. He woke up to my messages and blocked me on the app and Facebook, yet hasn't deleted me from them.Fast forward again to today:I log onto Facebook to now see that he is in a relationship with someone else. He never contacted me before doing this. How should I handle this? My guys friends have been telling me that his pride is hurt and that I must have really hurt him and that I should wait for him to approach me.He tested my feelings before by saying that he fucked someone before we officially got together because I never responded to his I love you. I believe him because he has never lied to me that I know of. I honestly believe that he is now trying to just hurt me, show me that I am replaceable,and make me react.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 April 2013):
 Dear Bas4G,
“before you call him a jerk” what a way to introduce me to your “boyfriend”
You are young, you met him when you were VERY young and your distance is very great. NOT good signs for an LDR to work….
So you are going to see him for two weeks in August and you asked if he expected sex and he said he can be patient… that does NOT answer the question really. To me my interpretation of “I can be patient” is YES I would LIKE sex with my gf but I won’t force you. DO YOU WANT sex? IF you do not, then asking him if he expected it could have created a mess if he had said “of course I do” (which btw for me at 22-25 being in a committed relationship I would have said yes I expect sex just saying)
He buys you things because that’s his “language of love” He thinks gifts show love. The book “the five languages of love” really helped me learn that not everyone expresses their love the same way I do.
So he said something, you took it the wrong way and then you went after him with your words.
He has not talked to you about what you said, but rather he opted to behave badly (and immaturely) by posting a status on facebook to indicate a new relationship with someone else. That is very immature.
How should you handle this? Well in an ideal world what would you LIKE to happen.
Personally if he has blocked you on the app and facebook I’m not sure how you can see his status…. And if he plays such games as saying he’s having sex with others to upset you and then he uses his facebook status to upset you and goad you, I suggest that he’s not mature enough to handle an LDR or even a local relationship.
Of course you are replaceable. There is an old joke that says “men are interchangeable they only have different names so we can tell them apart” Basically NO relationships are personal and his behavior is about him not you.
If he’s trying to get you to react, then he’s not ready to be a grown up.
What I suggest you do: MOVE ON with your life, block him on facebook and the apps. Change you status to single… do not call him, text him or email him, do not “stalk him”
Do NOT react. And if he does not come after you, be grateful that you got out now… otherwise you would be embroiled in all this GAME playing. So not worth it.
IF he does come back to you, well then it’s your call how you want to handle it, but you must talk seriously about his childish, immature behavior.
A
female
reader, bas4g +, writes (23 April 2013):
bas4g is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for responding
Last night, I decided to be the more mature person and email him. I apologised again and said that I hope he will find someone who makes him happy and I hope that he achieves everything in live that he sets his mind to. I meant everything that I sent him. If you care about someone it shouldn't matter if they are with you are not just that they are happy. I chose to kill him with kindness. :)
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 April 2013):
 LDR's are hard. Specially when most of the communication is through written stuff, it IS easy to misconstrue or misunderstand things. The thing is, when in a LDR you NEED to ask before going on the offensive. IF you think he meant one thing (which seems hurtful) YOU ASK him to clarify before going off.
But that aside. In one week he's dumped you and gotten a new GF? If so, then my guess would be that A. he is trying to make you jealous or B. He was already considering dating her.
You only really have one choice, backing off. See if he will cool down and read the apology and contact you, I would say give him a week, after that accept that he dumped in anger and like a coward.
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A
female
reader, HeresBoo  +, writes (23 April 2013):
 This is minor bad behaviour but it still indicative of an abusive relationship. Whether it develops to physical or just manipulative, no one knows. This is manipulative and controlling, vengeful behaviour that can be dealt with but mustn't be ignored or treated in the wrong way. You don't want this to flourish into worse controlling habits of him reacting badly when you don't react the way he wants. He needs to understand you can't control another person and when you go out on a limb (like saying he loves you) you just have to take the risk of not getting what you want. That's how life is.And you need to stop defending both his and your own bad behaviour in the relationship and just say sorry and try your hardest to make things better, if you want things to work out.As for the fact that you are a virgin and in your age group, I am extremely proud! Well done :) I hope when you lose it, it's everything you hope for :)
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