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If missing somebody is a sin, I confess I am seriously guilty.....

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 April 2013) 3 Answers - (Newest, 22 April 2013)
A female Hong Kong age 51-59, *essica909909 writes:

If missing somebody is a sin, i confess i am seriously guilty.

Missing him is so heavy and weight me down.

15 days already, he only left me some words by messages that " i am busy with my work and will talk with you asap." I do not know how long is " asap". But absolutely, asap is longer than 15days.

He said he could talk with me on Monday morning, but he did not show up today.

We met online, but I have feeling for him .

I trusted him but not sure we are still okay now without updates from him...

I can wait for him, but I can not convince myself he is just too busy to send me few words every single day on whatup or wechat...

What will I do? Give him up?

For me, 15 days without seeing each other gives me some feeling that I am losing him ....

He said he would go back to me in few days. ( 2 weeks already, now, another few days.) ... So,what can I do ? can i still send message to him ? that is pushing ,right?

or I need to move on already ?

View related questions: met online, move on

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (22 April 2013):

So_Very_Confused agony auntif you have not heard from him at all in 2 weeks, it's safe to assume he's not as into you as you are into him....

you met online but you have feelings for him...so you have not met in real life?

if you have not met in real life, time to stop counting the days and time to stop sitting by the computer waiting for him.

time to move on

if you have met in real life and had a long term relationship and he's just disappeared you can call him and ask him what's going on... ONCE...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2013):

Have you ever met this man in person? How is it possible to become emotionally attached to a total stranger? It is evident that you have a lot of time on your hands, and no other stimulation or emotional outlets other than his virtual contact.

If there was an established relationship, there would be something to move on from. You made an online connection limited to nothing more than a few exchanges. He has no obligation to respond to you in the first place. From your reaction to all this, it is best for him not to contact you again. Do you see the desperation emanating from your post?

You are over-reacting to the lack of contact from someone who doesn't know you. STOP COUNTING THE DAYS! Your impatience is YOUR problem. Not his. Take a loooong deep breath! That's it!

Here is the real advice you need; but probably not what you are looking for.

At this point, your self-esteem must be very low. Focus more attention on yourself. Find ways of becoming a confident, self-reliant, and more independent woman. Your desperation to hear from this guy shows you would center your life around him and his happiness; in sacrifice of your own. You have already empowered him to control your

peace of mind. He has stolen time from your life.

There are no promises for him to keep. You must promise yourself that you commit more effort to see yourself as a full person, you don't "need" to hear from anyone. You only "want" to hear from him. You have formed an attachment without solid substance, or established emotional ties. You are worthy of love and attention; but it must first come from within yourself, for yourself.

Once you have learned to love yourself and value your own feelings; you will lift the weight of anxiety of needing to to hear from strangers, or any man, in desperation. Then if some idiot ignores you for two weeks, you'll shrug your shoulders with the confidence of knowing how much it is his loss, not yours. Your time is valuable. Use it wisely.

Regain your own control. Ignore him and find yourself someone else to chat with; or better still, get out and learn to find real flesh and blood men. You're wasting your time and youth shopping for human affection online.

My words are not meant to be harsh. I wish you only the best. When you lift something too heavy, you only find relief when you "drop it."

Good luck, Jessica! I hope these words help you and other online Jessica's and Jessie's out there.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (22 April 2013):

Tisha-1 agony auntHow long have you known him? How much time have you spent together in real life? I don't mean online.

If he hasn't made contact in over 2 weeks, well, he's either incredibly busy or he has someone else.

I think if you had a relationship, it's perfectly reasonable to contact him and ask why you haven't heard from him in over 2 weeks. That's not pushing. That's asking for some commonsense respectful treatment.

I would not hold out big hopes for him, sorry.

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