A
female
age
41-50,
*bi
writes:Should I be upset and what do I do ?I have been with my partner for 3.5 years and living together for 3. We have been having ups and down but recently one problem has got me to re think being with him..when we met. I was (and still am) a single mum of 1 and he was then 39, still living at home but had 2 investment properties with his sister. When he moved in with me and as we started to get serious, we started planning for the future including financially. I told him I would not be comfortable starting a financial future with him if he planned on continuing his financial investment portfolio with his sister ( eg them continuing to buying more together ) he agreed and said the future was ours as a family from now on! We had this conversation a few more times when he would say something that gave my the opposite impression. Now three years on he says...we are not married, still living under single parent status and renting under my name, he says.. He thinking of executing the option of re investing with her again for us to live in. I explained that I understand it may be a financial decision and made him aware of my feelings and discomfort of living in her house she shared not jointly with us but with him alone. A week later I was having a conversation with his sister when she also mentioned there plan and that they had already spoke about it. (turned out it was before he mentioned it to me.) when I stupidly asked her why they thought it was a great idea to r invest she was really Nasty and patronising saying things like "it was always my plan to continue my portfolio with my brother" " it's not your any of your business" " and I have every intention of continuing it without you". When I told him this he didn't say much, nor seem upset or angry with her. 2 days later I asked him if he had spoken to her and he said he wouldn't unless he saw her and said "dont expect me to defend a woman like you" I was so shocked and hurt by what was happening i told him to leave. Days later he wants to now try again with me but is still hanging out with his sister and claims he has put her straight, hhhheeellllppppp advice????
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (24 April 2013):
 Personally unless you are legally bound to him I can see why he keeps it in the family. If you two were married it might be different but since you just live together things are more complicated and may be better being kept separate.
If you want full say in how he spends and/or invests his money you need to be his wife. If he won't marry you, I would consider leaving.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2013): "When he moved in with me . . .he . . . said the future was ours as a family from now on!"Not without a marriage certificate, in which case you were merely his shack-up girlfriend and your kid a legal stranger to him (no legal relationship by marriage or adoption). "Days later he wants to now try again with me but is still hanging out with his sister and claims he has put her straight, hhhheeellllppppp advice????"He misses the social and financial benefits of shacking up with you: regular sex and reduced single parent rent (for which he is not legally responsible and with which he can stick you at any time). Assuming his ultimate plan is to eventually con you into shacking up with him at his sister's house so he can get the best of both worlds, free sex and free rent.He's a mama's boy under his sister's thumb, assuming she's the one who controls the purse strings so you'll always come second even if he ever marries you, which he won't.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2013): I have found to my cost that blood is thicker than water. Your partner never had any intention of stopping doing his property portfolio with his sister. He just tried to keep you quiet by going quiet on the subject and not really referring to it further. Presumably the two of them are making money and if this is the case there is no way he will give it up. As it happens I would not like this situation very much either and I would never live in a house that she jointly owned with your partner. It would make me ultra uncomfortable. The sister was nasty to you because she thought you might be able to sway her brother against investing further and she wanted to stamp her authority over the whole thing. Personally I would say to your partner that you will not live in one of these houses as you feel it gives her some kind of hold over you and remind him that he said he would do no further financial dealings three years ago and you took him at his word.This is very hard because you will get a roof over your head but it looks like to me that if you fall out then you would most definitely be out on your ear and to my mind it would be like having the sword of damacles hanging over me. I would stay put until you have his total reassurance that anything you live in is not partly owned by his sister. I also would keep away from her. Your partner is trapped in the middle here and I feel for him but having experienced this and been sided against I would want him to make a stand and defend me which he is not going to do and he has no doubt with the collusion of the sister branded you a trouble maker. I would let the situation drop but stop all plans to move.
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