A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello,So I met this guy back in January. We immediately hit it off, spoke, exchanged numbers and hung out like 1 month later. We talk maybe like twice a week via text. Sometimes not talking can extend to two weeks. When we talk and hangout there is just some kind of connection that I love. He lives almost an hour away atleast 45 minutes without traffic. Typically we would grab dinner, come back to my place, have a drink, sex and he spends the night. We don't have sex everytime I see him however we hook up. He makes me feel so comfortable, does little gestures such as walking behind me and giving me a message, grabbing my waist etc. I love it hence the fact I got out of a 4 year relationship last summer and haven't received attention that I felt is real from him(hard to explain). My problem is that when I know we are going to hang out I get so excited and psyched and when it's over the next day and he leaves I get so sad. I know I am not his girlfriend but I definitely wouldn't mind being one day. It's just sad because I go on a high the days leading up to the hangout then it's over and I feel lonely again until the next time we chat or hang which is not everyday. I guess you can say I have feelings and caught them as well, and I know he might feel the same because he says stuff however I don't want to keep texting and seeming kind of forceful like an annoying girl which I am not. Do I talk to him next time I see him and tell him how I feel? I just hate confrontation and I usually am not one to say my feelings. I just like him so much :(
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 June 2013):
 I cannot agree any more with WiseOwlE. He NAILED IT. And I can’t improve on what he has said. I will share my LDR story with you.
I met a guy in August 2010. I was attracted to him and in November 2010 when I ran into him again I was MORE blatant about what I wanted from him (FWB/NSA fun and games) He lived about 100 miles away which for us was about a 2 hour car trip with traffic. In the very beginning contact was just email and a random visit here or there (one in December 2010) Two in January, two in februay and by march it was starting to get serious and by April/May it was pretty much every weekend.
It was never supposed to be more than fun and games and yet because I left him to his own devices and didn’t demand time or attention from him in the beginning he caused his feelings for me to deepen and grow and that in turn caused my feelings to deepen and grow. Of course if you ask HIM, I was the one who cared first but I’m not sure and at this point it does not matter.
There is a saying that says that women need to be with a man to fall in love and men need to miss a woman to fall in love…. It seems to me that giving them the space to find themselves works best from my experience.
I agree that you should talk to him and let him know how you feel but that you must be prepared for him to not return those feelings. And then when he says "I like you but I want to keep it casual." (or something that means that) what will you do? will you accept that you will never have more with him?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2013): Hello all, thanks for the great advice. You all have really good valid points. I feel like I just love the idea of hanging out with him and wish it was more then that at times but I don't want to make all the moves if he is going to be so nachalant about it if you understand what I mean.
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A
female
reader, indee15 +, writes (19 June 2013):
 Sounds almost like my situation but I live two hours away from my guy :( I think you should definitely talk to him next time and tell him how you feel. I say go for it, time is not going to last forever. Someone can be here oneday then gone the next and you might have eternal regret of not telling him how you feel. (I had to learn the hard way..i'm still trying to get over that) You don't seem forceful or annoying, it's not like you text him all the time and stuff like that...but idk...just the next time you see him tell him how you feel, this could be the spark of something beautiful if he doesn't respond how you would like him to atleast you would know not to waste your time. I wish you all of the luck in the world :))
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2013): I've been there not too long ago. My crush popped in and out of my life for a few years. I'd say dont come on too strong. Guys get nervous when females come on too strong, especially when they arent expecting it. You should ask key questions to see where his head is at, if he even wants a girlfriend. If a guys not ready , they're just not ready no matter how much they like you. And if he's not a sleez he wont take you for a ride while he's still playing. I'd play it cool like you say you usually do. Sometimes its better to let your actions talk for you instead.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2013): Have you ever heard the term "friends with benefits?"If a relationship starts out based on consensual sex, and doesn't evolve into an emotional and exclusively committed relationship, you are declared a friend with benefits.You should express your feelings, and ask him if he would like to take the relationship to the next level. Then tell him what it is you want. Don't beat around the bush. Tell him if you want a committed and monogamous relationship.How will you feel if he doesn't want to be in a committed relationship? Are you going to do like so many unhappy women, and just go along with things as they are?He gets sex with you, and he can also dates other women. You are free to see other men. He comes and goes as he pleases; and on a moment's notice, he can call you for a booty call. No strings attached. He's out the door the next morning, and returns to his own life."Why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free?"If he hasn't discussed forming a romantic relationship, or offered even a hint that he wants to be in a monogamous relationship with you, it is unlikely he will want to change things. So be prepared.What are you prepared to do if he doesn't share the same feelings?.Will you continue on, always desiring more; but settling for less just to keep him? That will be a miserable existence. Especially, when he's dating someone else.I hope he's been waiting to find out if that's what you wanted. For your sake. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Makayla5893  +, writes (19 June 2013):
Hi OP. Is it possible you more like the feeling of someone being there, someone to make you feel good and loved, like you feel in a relationship? Or do you really think there is something special with this man? Men don't get as easily attached as women do, and from the lack of communication between the two of you it sounds like he is just enjoying the casual hook up meetings. If he's not taking you out on dates and showing genuine interest in getting to know you and spend more time with you, this may be the case. It sucks to be feeling lonely, but it feels even worse to be wanting more with someone who doesn't feel the same way. I think you should tell him how you feel, because you'll never know unless you give it a go, but make sure you're in a good head space when you do so you don't take the rejection personally if it all doesn't go to plan. Good luck! Xx
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