A
female
age
51-59,
*spollard
writes:I am a single mom... I have a daughter who is 13 yrs of age.For the past year her behavior has been really unusal. She walks around the house with a robe all of the time...And its like 80 something degrees, it seems she uses this robe as a clutch she evens sleeps in it... she goes to school wearing a jacket and its like eighty degrees.. she doesn't seem to want me to do anything for her ..like wash her hair or just in general help her with her appearance in dressing .. I buy her clothes to make her feel better about herself, i also talk to her asking why it seems she feels so insecure about herself which it seems to me.. half the time she doesn't correspond she just gives me a funny look like she doesn't feel the need to answer. When we go out when I can get her to she feels the need to wear this tote bag that I brought for her but when she wears it she's wearing it like towards the back to cover her bottom side .. We were talking on a subject like a year ago on how nowadays and how young females are so developed, I told her how there are so many boys and older men who looks at these young girls because of their development.. oh lord why did I tell her this .. A couple of times in the beginning when she started acting unusual I ask why it seems that she covers up she goes: mom because of what you told me I don't want people looking at me,,, now she will not wear shirts that comes down towards her side like regular blouses. They have to be real long like down pass her bottom or she has to wear the high and low shirts the ones that are short in the front and long in the back. She seems unhappy all the time. I try to get her to go out half the time she doesn't want to or its like a struggle to get to to she says things like I don't feel like getting dressed .. but why is she wearing a jacket in this hot weather? I wanna take her for counseling but im thinking its just a phase that she is going through please help me please!!!:(
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female
reader, mspollard +, writes (1 July 2013):
mspollard is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for all support ... and helpful answers ,,,which really eased my mind a bit. Im still dealing with my daughters insecurities ..and it still bothers me .. she is my daughter,, when shes sad I feel sad ,,especially knowing that she isnt happy at this stage in her life ..it also has an affect on me as well.. I often think is it a phrase or something deeper... everything is a struggle .. We went to mcdonalds yesterday and it was a struggle trying to get her out of the house ..when we got their i ask her if she wanted to go inside to eat she makes a big deal stating that she wants to stay in the car which she did after me asking her please lets go inside at least four times.. so i went inside and i sat down and ate ,,,she also has a smart mouth i forget to mention that ...Its hard for me to get her to do chores anymore around the house i just get to the point where i hardly asks and it makes me feel like i have no authority over her when it comes to helping out around the house ...we had a 10 min talk last night i was able to get a little info out of her i asked her why do she feel the way she does .. she said how we dont go out to have any fun... how we always go to the same places .. but lately Ive been wanting to go out and take her places but its just a struggle either she talks real smart and i get to the point where i dont want to take her anywhere.. because as long as she feels she can disrespect me i will not...she is real shy around people on the outside if shes being asked a question she would hardly aswer back .. folks i really dont know what to do and really i cannot afford counseling .....we went to church today and she has a problem with sitting in the front of the church she said she feels that everyone is looking at her .. i am just so confused and im hurting i dont know what to do:(
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2013): I do not want to alarm you, but when I was your daughter's age i had some mental leath problems that I covered up eith clothing. When my body weight was low due to an eating disorder, I was wearing long sleeve clothes everywhere because I was unbearably cold. I would also cover up self harming scars with my clothing.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 June 2013):
 oh heck to the 18 yr old who remembers being 13... i'm 53 and I REMEMBER it like yesterday.
You can ask her if she wants to see a counselor to talk to in private (stuff she will not have to share with you) (and you have to respect that) but do not push it.
sounds like she's normal and just 13 when we are all self-conscious.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2013): I think it's good that you care enough to notice!
I was very much this way too as a teenager. I had terrible body image issues that did lead to an eating disorder which I still stuggle with today.
I'm not saying she's headed down the same path but it soundsike there could be some possible signs. Stay aware, promote healthy body image but if it gets worse yes, counseling.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2013): I'm 18 so I understand what it is like being 13.
Just a question...is she self harming? She may be trying to cover up something. She could just be lost but I was not like that at all and neither where any 13 year olds I knew.
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A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (23 June 2013):
hello :)
you got some great answers here but I hope I can help too.
I am 24 and I was exactly the same at your daughters age, til I reached 15 & a half. in fact I used to dress in mens clothes a lot of the time, I never plucked my eyebrows or wore makeup & I refused to wear a bra til I was 15. I hated the changes that took place with my body & felt very self conscious as a result & generally embarrassed I guess.
your daughter will change her clothes style in time, what she does is completely normal. you just need to let her develop at her own pace & try not to mention her appearance. be thankful that she isnt dressing provocatively like many her age, because that would be much more worrying & it is a trend that is very common unfortunately.
God bless :)
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (23 June 2013):
 Counselling?...Nope, she doesn't need it. She's just a teenage girl who's becoming more aware of her body and the changes that are happening.
You must leave her alone and ignore anything you think is odd or strange or you will do more harm than good.
Be happy that she isn't one of these teen girls who wants to walk around half naked with guys oogling her. She might be a little introverted but that is normal for most teens and they do need to develop exactly the way they feel they must.
I raised two girls and the teen years are a mix of raging hormones, slamming doors, being full of sass one minute and in floods of tears the next...You are Mummy when they want something and then they are giving you 'drop dead' looks...but it all comes good in the end when they mature and decide who they are going to be.
Don't make her more self conscious by mentioning how she dresses, just smile and say 'OK'
It's hard to watch your little girl leave your side, but the good news is they do come back all grown up and peace returns. x
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