A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i just found out that my bf went out to eat with this girl A that I've always been jealous of and another male colleague 2yrs ago. during that time, i already told him and we agreed that he will not go out with A unless it is a work setting. girl A is his colleague and i've had issues with her since 2yrs ago because she is always with my man and seems like a flirt. my bf swears they never went out alone together. i just found out about this lunch-out, i am very mad and want to break up with him since he never told me about it and when this happened, we already agreed that he will keep his distance with girl A. he is very sorry, he said he thought nothing of it since another colleague treated them to lunch and there was 3 of them. my point is girl A was coming with him so he shouldn't have went since it was just 3 of them.i know there was nothing between them, but i specifically told my bf that i don't want him to spend alone time or in small groups with girl A. we don't have any problem now, girl A is clearly out of the picture now. but i won't let go of this past issue. just trying to imagine what i would have felt back in 2011, when i was so jealous of this girl and yet they still went out behind my back.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 June 2013):
 While he should have told you, I can clearly see why he did not.
Let’s look at what you have said:
“that I’ve always been jealous of”
So why are you so jealous of her? Jealousy is an emotion rooted in insecurity… why do you feel so insecure with your man with this young lady around?
“2 years ago”
So if I’m reading this correctly TWO YEARS AGO your bf and ANOTHER WORK colleague went out for lunch during the work day. And while YOU just found out about it, it’s water under the bridge for him.
“she is always with my man and seems like a flirt”
DEFINE ALWAYS and define FLIRT…. Ya know if my husband had a woman at work that was cute and young and perky and hot for him and flirted with him I’d be amused. He’s MINE. He choose me and while others may be attractive to him, he is not interested in having anything to do with them. Those women that throw themselves at my husband amuse me more than anything because I’m rather secure in my position with him. IF they work together, well then there is not much you can do about it is there? And what you see as flirting she may see as just being friendly. It’s all about the interpretation.
How did you expect him to get out of this lunch with a work colleague? “oh I’m sorry Tom I can’t attend because ANNE is going to be there and my gf is very jealous of Anne and I’m forbidden from having social contact with her”? Sorry he did the adult thing, he got invited for lunch and he went and did not make a big deal about it. Granted he should have come home and said “honey I had lunch with Tom and Anne today… Tom invited us and treated so there was no way I could have gotten out of it gracefully” But if it happened just when you were pitching a fit about her, it would have been even worse then so I can see why he did not say something.
Just because a woman comes on to a man does not mean anything will happen. Why would you punish HIM for HER bad behavior?
“but I won’t let go of this past issue”
IF YOU WON’T LET GO OF SOMETHING RESOLVED IN THE PAST YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO LET GO OF YOUR BOYFRIEND because he will TIRE of your nonsense and leave you.
They did not ‘go out’ behind your back. It was a WORK lunch…. My support goes to your boyfriend. I suggest you find a counselor to work on your self-esteem and get to the bottom of your jealousy.
Of course if you fill us in on more information (such as he had an affair with her) that changes things… still it was TWO YEARS ago… are you willing to risk losing him over this?
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