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How much space is too much?

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 June 2013) 3 Answers - (Newest, 24 June 2013)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

okay so I'm dating this guy we have been dating for about 4 months. He lives with me. I know he shouldn't be living with me with us only being together for . Months. Anyway, there for a while we was spending every single day together we was together 24/7. We got into a huge fight last week and he went back home for 3 days. He came back Thursday. He got a job finally after looking several months, but the thing is he said we needed some space from each other every and now then which i'm totally fine with. But okay he came back thursday and he went back home Thursday he left at like 7 and didn't come back until 11 and he went straight to bed he didn't wanna cuddle with me or any thing. Okay so Saturday we got up and went to a flea market and got back and later on he left he said he had to go do some more stuff for work he works at omni vision if anyone has ever heard of that. They require a lot of training and stuff because you work in a house hold setting helping mentally challenged people. Any way he came back last night around 9 we went to a festival thing in my town ( he lives in another town) and we got back at like 11 we stayed up for a little bit. And he wanted to go to bed. Again he didn't wanna cuddle.. and every time we get to my house his plays his game then wants to go to sleep. This morning he went back to his town around 9:45 and he went to work at 3 and gets off at 1. So there's another day hes gone all day.. he says we shouldn't spend all our time with each other and he said he doesn't like to cuddle when he's really tired.

Should i end this relationship or just go with it...

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (24 June 2013):

So_Very_Confused agony auntFour months is not a long time to be dating… and it’s not good that you are joined at the hip and are already for all intents and purposes living together.

NOT wanting to cuddle when you go to sleep is not a bad thing… many nights I go to bed before my husband.. I give him a peck and head up to our bed. When he comes to bed hours later… IF he wakes me he may give me another peck and off to sleep I go… we are newlyweds married less than a year but not cuddling if we are tired or not feeling well is not an indication of a problem.

What is it you expect from him?

I get up at 6:30ish I may kiss my husband goodbye to go to work if I see him awake before I leave otherwise we just move on to our day… most days we have some contact prior to getting home but others I get home about 12 hours later, and if he’s not busy gaming we say hello… we usually have dinner together most nights then sometimes we watch tv but most nights he games online and I watch “my shows” or whatnot…. Often I go to bed before him.

Your new boyfriend is right you do not and should not spend all your time together. Being a couple does not mean being joined at the hip.

IF you are not happy with how things are working out with him, then end it… and next time do not be so quick to move in together. giving a relationship a chance to grow and mature on it's own is a better plan.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (24 June 2013):

aunt honesty agony auntI guess if you are not happy with the relationship then there is no point being in it. It is great that he got work, and he is right you both should have a life outside of the relationship where you are both meeting up with friends and enjoying activities apart. With him working now I guess he will be tired and maybe he does just want to go straight to sleep.

This is something you need to be able to talk to him about. Don't just give up on a relationship the first sign off any problems. You need to work on it and to do that you need to be open and honest with him, tell him how you feel and what would make you happy and vice versa you need to take on board and listen to what he is saying also.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2013):

I think it sounds like you two should really have a talk. Ask him what he meant when he said he needed more space. Tell him how you feel. Be serious with him, since the message he is sending is that he wants nothing to do with you. Maybe he is still upset about a part of the fight and talking about it again might help. If you show you care, then maybe he will open up about how he is really feeling. All you can do is try. If he is still rude and avoiding you, I would drop him.

Good luck!

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