A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi all. My husband no longer wants to have sex regularly and Im not sure about what I should or can do about it. Im 24, we have two children together ( toddlers) He works a regular job and has a side job as well. Im currently a stay atvhome mom ( not thrilled about it) but I also take care of my mother who has some mental issues and my grandpa who is in his 80s. Anyway my hubby just doesnt seem as into sex. I would like it a few times a week at least. Im not sure how often he wants it Im guessing once a week or so. He doesnt watch porn or masturbate. I kind of just chalk it up to him being tired. He also tells me he doesnt want me bugging him about sex. :( So I really dont know what to do. He would be upset if I looked at porn. Idk how he feels about me masturbating. Everything else between us seems to be pretty good. He does get irritated with me and says I "cant follow direction" So maybe he is upset about that. ( By that he means me doing what he says if he tells me somethinh instead of asking about it or not doing it exactly) Thanks for your advice.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2013): Are you kidding me!? Your husband is exhausted from working 2 jobs to provide enough money to take care of you, your mother, your grandfather, as well as 2 kids. You can't have everything you want in life. Do you know how many women there are who would love to stay at home and raise their toddlers, but don't have the kind of husband you do? What means more to you, your sex life, or your kids, mother, and grandfather? I already know how your husband has answered that question. You're still in your early 20's. In the next few years, he will probably earn more money, and your kids will be in school, so you may be able to work outside the home. With only one job, you'll probably notice a difference in him. Whatever you do, don't even consider leaving this guy. It's not fair to make him work even harder so he can afford his own place as well as the spousal and child support.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 June 2013):
 if he is working a full time job and a second job then I am guessing you are home alone without him enough that he would not even have to know about your masturbation habits and it's NOT his business anyway.
but your comment at the end about him saying you can't follow directions seems to be something different unless you are talking about his dissatisfaction in your marital bed....
My husband is so not interested in sex with me.... and I miss it but I just take care of myself as needed and usually in my shower... (hand held shower massager is a godsend for women for cleaning and other things)
If he only has drive for once a week, then you have to figure out how to satisfy yourself the rest of the time, the person with the lower drive sets the frequency.
It sounds like you have talked to him about it enough that he does not wish to discuss it further. If that's the case then yes for now with small children and so much on your plate and his, I'd let it go.
If all you need is orgasms then masturbate when you can. Do not ask his permission or tell him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2013): put bluntly you either lump it or get a divorce.
lumping it could include couples counselling.
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