A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Ok this might be hard to understand but bear with me.So me and my girlfriend are sexually active and what i thought was amazing. Untill a couple months ago i just found out that she isnt orgasm. I asked her if she was and she said no and it just shot me down. We talked about our exes before. The closest i had to sex was a hand job while she had already lost her virginity at a younger age. She told me that he wasnt the most gentle person and was abusive at many times. He would pretty much demand for sex and because she was with him she felt like she had no choice. She told me that even when she didnt want sex when they did have sex she always reached a orgasm. Knowing that just dstroys me as well. My girlfrien always says that my sex was great and etc. but ik its just so i dont feel hurtnor bad because no one is going to say that their partner is horrible in front of them. I know she isnt satisfied sexually but she says she is satisfied with my touch and being together. Dont get me wrong. I love her and i am happy of that as well but knowing i cant satisfy her sexually is a huge blow to my pride especially knowing her ex was way better at it. The whole thought of it is destroying me and im becoming obssessed about it.My girlfriend keeps lying to me about being satisfied. I dont understand why she just wont admit it. I came to a conclusion that i can't satisfy her because of my size. I am small in that department. I am about 4 inches long maybe even a little bit less and i have not measure my girth but i know it is small as well. I also have pre mature ejaculation as well. It is the worst combination. With my ejaculation im pretty sure i can find ways around it but i dont know about my size. This then leads back to the jelousy of her ex bf. he must have been larger in size and my gf already told me that he lasted longer than i did. Basically my pride and confidence has been shattered. I really want to be with her and takes me for who i am. Yes, i should be grateful to have a girl like her. Their is nothing wrong with our relationship except the sex. She says she doesnt mind but knowing i cant satisfy her in that area just kills me. I just cant get over that fact and it makes me feel less dominant or less of a man. I need advice on how to recover because if i dont im afriad this will start to affect mymrelationship with her. We have been dating for 3 years now and its been great. Please any advie will help. Thank You.
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confidence, ejaculation, hand-job, her ex, orgasm Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your time and advice :). I guess i was just freaking out about the whole situation. I have decided to have a night where its all about her just as Lovein suggested. It will be on our 4 year anniversary so wish me luck and i hope she likes the surprise. Once again thank you.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2013): Remember this above all: It is not the size of the boat, it's the motion of the ocean.Women don't need a massive amount of penetration to get off as a helpful Sappho pointed out (though saying that her partner is more sexually satisfied with a woman's finger than a man's penis is a little bit sexist as this depends entirely on the sexual preference and emotional state of the person in question, lesbians can suck in bed as well from what I understand, if her partner was not in lover with her, it's doubtful she would find any form of sex with her satisfying).I would stop pestering her about it. It may be a sexual hang-up. She orgasmed when she didn't want to with her last partner and it might be she has subconsiously convinced herself that orgasms equal bad.You need to experiment a little and try different techniques, different positions, masturbating to orgasm before sex so you last longer, oral, anal, hand... anything you can think of. Costumes, props... use your imagination.And porn is a bad thing to judge yourself by, as has been said. Very few of the actresses there are really enjoying what they are doing. The amount of sex they have to have each day must be exhausting and painful, however they might say otherwise (hint: they only talk like that because it attracts viewers and gets them the money).Either way dude. Calm down.Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 July 2013):
 Ok here we go, as a woman who has had more partners than I care to admit and ONLY one was ever able to bring me to orgasm on a regular basis (orally) I feel qualified to speak to this.
My current husband is the worst lover I have ever had and yet I left Mr. "I Can bring you to orgasm" for him. My current spouse is the smallest guy (stature shoe size and everything else) I've had and yet I'd rather be with him than anyone else.
Sex is not about the size of the penis. Sex is about making love and making love is about being close and making an effort and not using porn as your measurement for successful lovemaking.
Sex is important. The effort is important. The actual orgasm... so often elusive for women during the act, is for many women NOT important. I was always way more impressed with the guys trying than my actually getting there.
STOP asking your gf about her ex partners. You don't need to know. and there is no point in comparing.
IF she's not complaining then you are fine. Just keep up the effort and enjoy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2013): I'm sorry, hon, I know you must be hurting.
Obviously I don't know you, but I'm guessing it's not your penis size that your girlfriend isn't satisfied by. As llifton said, it's more what you do with what you have than sheer size. As far as the premature ejaculation goes, a huge chunk of that is youth, and the part that isn't can be trained. A search on Amazon will yield several books on men's sexual function and "training." My boyfriend is 35 and can last quite a while, but he has mentioned a few times that in his early 20s, he could never do what he does now. How old was your GF's last partner?
Given that she is your first sexual partner (aside from a hand job, which didn't really require anything from you), it's probably some youthful lack of technique. Again, I don't want to presume. But knowing that size isn't everything and that it takes a while for men to learn how to please a woman, it's the most likely assumption. I would recommend that you just explore her body; have a couple lovemaking sessions where it's all about her. Even if she doesn't come, experiment with touching her in different ways and gauging her reaction. You can do tons and have lots of fun before your penis gets involved...and it'll start to give you some confidence as to what really pleases your girlfriend. Your sexuality doesn't have to follow a bland template..."Okay, so we're having sex now... that means condom on, lube her up, enter, pump away!"...you make it up as you go. Your temporary "failure" along that traditional definition doesn't have to mean anything. You have a wonderful girlfriend, now go have some fun with her! :)
Getting a book on Tantric sex might help. I find some of it cheesy, but love the focus on connection and awareness between partners, and the lack of emphasis on orgasm.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (1 July 2013):
 hey. i am assuming you are the same guy that just posted the other question twice on accident. anyway, i do feel for you. i know that must not be a good feeling. it is fixable, though. as i mentioned, google is a wonderful thing. i would use it.
if you aren't opposed to getting sex tips from a lesbian, you can inbox me any time you'd like. as i said, women aren't as complicated as you may think. him being bigger means nothing. my girlfriend has only been with men her whole life - i'm the first woman she's ever been with - and i can guarantee you she is more sexually satisfied with my two inch finger than with any large penis she's ever been with. why? (besides having the female advantage of knowing how women's bodies work) because i know how to move and where to hit.
good luck.
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