A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating my boyfriend (around 10 years older) for more than 2 years now. He has had a history of lying about his past with his ex of 7 years, who he said he broke up with almost 7 years ago (which was a lie), ranging from stupid things like what college she went to to more serious ones like their keeping in touch. Despite all this, I've stayed with him, because I believed that he truly loved me and no longer felt that way about his ex.However, I recently discovered nude photos of his ex on his usb, from video chats that dated back to the year before we started dating, so a long time after he claimed they had already broken up. I had previously seen photos from this time period, but I just assumed they had kept in touch as friends, and he confirmed that belief (another lie as it turns out). Now that I know they were obviously still involved to some capacity just a couple of months before we met, I am starting to have major doubts about whether he is not really over her, at least when we started dating, and worst case scenario, whether he is playing 2 girls at the same time. His ex lives across the globe, so there's very little chance of us meeting, and he knows that, which makes this possibility all the more likely. I'd really hate to have been his rebound girl this whole time, or even to have started out as his rebound girl. I would never have gotten into this relationship had he told me that his more than 10 year past relationship only ended less than a year ago. I'm starting to look back to see if there were any tell-tale signs of me being his rebound girl, and the only thing I see was him moving quickly both physically and emotionally, and his constant need to lie about his ex.I have not confronted him about these nude photos; I'm still trying to figure out a good way to do that as he's abroad and I'd hate to do this over the phone. Meanwhile, this whole thing is killing me, and I feel as if I should definitely break up with him, but I just can't. Other than this lying about his ex, we're very happy otherwise, but this may just be an illusion on my part if he is transferring his emotion for his ex onto me to make himself more comfortable.I'd really like any words of advice on how to deal with this situation; I know 'break up' is what most of you will say, but I'm very emotionally attached to him already and it's easier said than done.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 July 2013):
 I am hoping you are 21 now which means you were 19 when you started dating this man who was 29 then. If you were 16 when you started dating him, then he has groomed you to be his playtoy and do what he wants.
You are quite young to be in such a large age gap relationship and while they can work, there are often problems.
After two years together I doubt you can call it rebound. Your issues rather are that you do not trust him and do not feel you can be honest with him and ask him about something you found. HOW btw did you find them? If it was because you were snooping, then you have to look at why you snoop and don’t trust him. Do you really want to stay with a guy you do not trust?
I don’t think breaking up because you are the rebound girl is right. BUT the fact that you do not trust him is a good reason to end it. Since you are “emotionally attached” to him I doubt anything anyone says will cause you to leave.
You say he’s abroad right now… is it possible he’s with her?
If you ask him he will lie... so you have to decide what you want to do... if you trust him, do nothing.
personally as far as the nudes go, you should have asked him when you found them.. if you were not spying/snooping then it would have been a perfect time to ask. IF he did nothing wrong, and you did nothing wrong then it would have been cleared right up.
but here's the thing, if you are snooping/spying then there is no trust. without trust there is no relationship. You have to make the call on what to do.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2013): Don't mentoin them and delete them . See how he reacts and if he realises they're missing
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