A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So...I have been dating a guy for going on 2 years. He has lived at home the entire time. He has zero privacy as his bedroom is next to his moms. His dad basically lives in the basement. His dad has a bedroom and living room and bathroom down stairs. So, here's my dilemma. I understand that there are reasons to move back home. I did while going to nursing school, however I am a single mother who has never had any type of help raising my son. His reason is because he's in college. He does attend a class or two, except during the summer at a community college. However he is also working almost full time hours 30-35 a week and just bought a Porsche boxster as his "daily driver". Yes, he has two cars! He also has Porsche 944. He recently sold a BMW and used the money from that towards the boxster. I just have a really hard time rationalizing this purchase when he isn't a self sufficient adult. Also, we were talking about finances and tells me he doesn't know how much he pays for car insurance because his dad pays the bill. He told me he just gives his dad some cash every month towards car insurance. I'm sure the same is true with his phone bill since that's in his mother's name. A few more strange things...I have never been to his house or met his parents. However I am sure that he is not married and does live with his parents. I'm ready to get married and want to have more children and I feel like I'm dating a child. Not sure what to do? Will he ever grow up and become an adult? Thanks for the advice!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2013): This posts raises so many red flags it could have marched in the USSR. The first one is so big the North Koreans would think it is a bit much. Just how old is the guy in question? Are you dating a real child? If he is your age (which you don't mention explicitly either, another red flag) then living at home is another red flag of epic proportions. But if he is say 20-25... well the economy makes sense. It is cheaper to live at home and some people get along with their parents.What I think is going on is that he likes live the easy way. His mom cooks and cleans, his dad takes care of the bills (and probably helps lower the insurance rate) and he can drive fast car and date fast women. What is not to like? Why SHOULD he grow up? It sounds like he got it made, from his point of view.But really, that you haven't even met his parents once after two years should be all you need to know. You are a fuck toy, not a date. He doesn't want you in his life. Six months I could understand, a year can happen because everyone is busy but an entire year?Have you even ever been to his house?Wake up and smell the coffee. And I don't think he is hiding anything. He is just an eternal child and doesn't want you in his life anymore then he let you, which is that he comes to your house when he wants sex and that is it.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 July 2013):
 He lives at home with his parents and in the 2 years you have NEVER met them? WHY? You have NEVER been to his place? Privacy or not, that is really odd.
And a grown ass man, who can afford 2 pricey cars but lives with his parents, WANTS to live with his parent, it's A CHOICE for him, like SVC mentioned.
And his DAD pays his bill?
Honey, if you continue with this guy and eventually move in with him, it will be like having another kid for YOU to take care of and manage.
Have you even talked about the future with him?
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (2 July 2013):
 # The Addams Family Theme Song :)
They're creepy and they're kooky, mysterious and spooky
They're all together ooky, the Bizarre-O Family
Their house you never been in, he keeps you away from seein ‘em
They’ll all together a drea-um, the Bizarre-O Family
[Spoken: Neat, Sweet, RETREAT!]
So here I’d get a move on, there’s something odd I screa-um
No need to make a call on, the Bizarre-O Boyfriends Family
CAA
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 July 2013):
 Dating for two years and you have not met the parents and he lives at home?
my son has us meeting girls he's serious with by one month out... and he does not live at home or near our home he's more like 30 minutes away.
A man who is in his 30s and makes enough money to pay for a Porsche and CHOOSES to live at home, has issues that I would be concerned about.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (2 July 2013):
 You've been dating for 2 years and have never met his parents? Never been to his house? Honey he's hiding something from you, very very fishy. If you know where he lives why not drop by and surprise him?
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (2 July 2013):
 Perhaps the questions to ask should be less related to if he is going to change, and more to do with why you would date a man for 2 yrs that has not let you visit his home, is not independent, and will likely not support you with future kids just like the father of your son does not help you.
Sounds to me that you are repeating a behavior pattern here, and THAT needs to be where your focus has to be.
-Frank
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