A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:What do you all think about a woman having ivf at 45. I've always been waiting for the right moment and just out of another failed long term relationship and always wanted babies, always feel like I have missed out on that opportunity of being a Mother. I have found out this week that 46 is shut off for ivf so thinking life is too short go ahead try three times and if it doesn't work at least I will definitely know I tried. I'm not in a realationship and not rich or anything but can give my love.Would you tell your ex who you keep contact with?, the reason why I ask this question is I need a donor sperm and if my ex offered I'm sure I would say yes but I wouldn't ask him he would HAVE to offer.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2013): I think this is a bad idea. If you want to go the IVF route, why not use an official donor from a sperm bank? you have baggage with your ex - that's why he is an ex. Having a kid with him just adds more baggage, dont' you think? it complicates not just your life but his. What if he has a new partner now? Or what if he wants to have a new partner in the future? I realize that his life is not your problem, should he accept your proposition. But I'm just saying that I think it's likely he won't. And by asking him, you are opening a can of worms. Are you saying you want to get back into a relationship with him? (because you know, having a child with someone sort of implies that you want to tie yourself to that person). And it makes you look cheap like you are just "using" him because you don't want to pay money for an official anonymous donor. another question is, he is your ex for a reason...so obviously he is someone that you have some serious "issues" with. Why would you want to create a child who has DNA from someone you don't love/respect/think highly of?this is not to say you should give up on your dreams of having a child, of course not. Just don't involve your ex. Also, open yourself up to adoption. I have many family members who were adopted at birth, there is no reason that you "must" be biologically related to your child.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2013): If you are considering using your ex's sperm...why not just have sex when you are ovulating, to save yourself all that money and medical treatment? Just a thought...it seems like pretty much the same thing to me. But then again, that's a awful lot of involvement for an ex...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2013): Sorry but I think the baby ship has sailed. Being a single parent is not really something you should aspire to. Definitely don't ask your ex for sperm. How do you think that looks, you didn't want to stay with him but he can deposit his sperm so you can have a baby (but only if HE asks)?? That just seems like a backhanded compliment for that poor guy.
I know this apparently is not a popular answer on here but that is ok you needed to hear it.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (3 July 2013):
 I would not ask an ex. Rather I would try to find an anonymous donor.
If you don't have much money however I'm not sure how you can pull it off since here at least an IVF is around 10k per attempt.
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A
female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (3 July 2013):
You are not old. I don't have a problem with you asking your ex, I just think you need to be prepared to do this alone.
You are mature enough to know what this takes. Time, money, commitment but most of all love and patience.
Do it! Good Luck!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2013): You're definitely not too old, but you should do it now. I think you probably have a lot of experience and im sure you would make a lovely mother. Its more about the love you give, not your age.
As for your ex, if he isnt in a new relationship, then sure mention it to him! :) and if he says no, there will be lots of other sperm donors
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2013): Maybe you're tired of hearing this from people, but you know this could get complicated. He's your ex--someone you're no longer with, and wouldn't have a family with--but you'd be having his child. What if he wants visitation? What if you do get married, how will your future husband feel about you having your ex's child? What about your ex's girlfriend/wife?
Additionally (I know you've heard this too), the risk of a serious health complication or genetic defect rises exponentially with age. I'm sorry to bring that up, but I have a friend who is an OB/GYN and she has told me about that many times.
Please carefully weigh the advantages/disadvantages of adoption vs. IVF. Whatever you decide, I wish you the very best of luck.
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A
female
reader, natasia  +, writes (2 July 2013):
 Do I think 45 is too late to have a baby? No. I think that if you haven't had one yet, you should hurry up with it.
Do I think you need a father for the child, and money? They are desirable, but if you don't have them, you don't ... any child you bring into the world will be yours, so his or her lot will be down to you. In the future you may feel you need a father, and money, to give your child the best you can. You may feel bad at the school gates when all the daddies are picking up. You may feel guilty and bad when you have to work out what to tell your child about his or her origin. BUT, I do think everyone and anyone has the right to have children, if they can, and there are lots of children in unhappy married households, so I think that if you love your child and want the best for them, that will be a wonderful thing.
And about the ex? All you can do is tell him what you want, and see if he offers.
It's all very complicated, but your life will be immeasurably enriched by having a child.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 July 2013):
 I think it depends on quite a few things.
1. is he in a new relationship?
2. Does he have kids of his own?
3. How long ago did you two break up?
And if he is willing I would just ask straight out. All he can do is say yes or no.
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